W/E 26th November 2016


Post  124









Hi Ewan here.


On Saturday, me, my brother and cousin Freya went to see “Disney’s Frozen on Icing”.  That’s what my cousin Freya called it anyway. The only icing I had had before was on cakes so I got very excited thinking there would be lots to eat. But would you believe it there was nothing at all to eat, except boring rice cakes mum took with her.


There was icing in front of us and the actors used it instead of a stage. It was massive, so big you could not see the cake under it. Overall it was very boring, with a story about these girls like my mum and Auntie Nan-Nan. We were there hours. It must have been a day and a sleep and another day. Time I have now lost forever.


There was some fantastic bits though. The place had lots of amazing coloured lights that flashed and lit up this massive room, like the Northern lights, grandad constantly goes on about. The room we were in was ultra big. It was even bigger than my bedroom and as dark until these lights lit it up.


The music was good and brilliantly loud. It made me want to dance. I am a good dancer, you know.


I looked around and there were millions of people sitting watching this, what grandad calls a “show”. Although grandad said there was about six thousand  people there. I don’t know how grandad managed to count everyone. They did not sit still long enough. But he is brilliant that way. I think six thousand might be loads more than millions. I so want to understand numbers. It will make thousands of difference to my life.


Anyway, most of the audience were children like me and my brother and cousin and most had these coloured lights on a stick. Like an illuminated rainbow on a stick. They were the best thing I’d ever seen in my whole life. I so needed one. But mamma said they were too expensive and we had to go without. I was guttered. It was the worst thing that had ever happened to me in my life ever, apart from when mum and dad stop me throwing  something. Why do they stop me throwing? I don’t get that do you? So I throw it anyway. Then they sit me on the bottom step of the stairs. Why? What’s that got to do with anything. I just don’t see the point.


Anyway back to the rainbow lights. They looked great when there was no lights on and it was dark. How do they do that when it is daylight outside and night time inside. That was the best most amazing bit because dark is so scary The light sticks were amazing, well for all the other kids who had one they were.


The day before had been “Children In Need Day”. I didn’t know what that was all about but I certainly did when I didn’t get a light stick.


The best bit of the show for me, apart from the dark, and the sticks and the music, was when Buzz Lightyear and Woody the Cowboy, both from Toy Story came on. They were only on for a few seconds but they were the real Buzz Lightyear and Woody the Cowboy. How amazing was that. I cheered and clapped in the hope that they would stay, but Anna and Elsa and the snowman and reindeer all came back and Buzz and Woody were gone.


Grandad said I should see “Toy Story on Icing”. My grandad so gets things right.


After the “show” as we had not eaten for days we went for food with Auntie Nan-Nan and Cousin Freya, but mamma and grandad were not there. Why?


There is one other thing I want to share with you. Reported on the front page of the Times. Last week was an item “Children develop faster when their mothers go out to work”(What about dads too, don’t they work , then) OK, I know I’m on thin ice with a very controversial subject, but to me, a 20 month old,  that is so obvious. I do not need confirmation from academics from Oxford University to tell me in Social Choice and Welfare journal.


They say us children with working mums (and dads) who go to nurseries and grandparents end up with better everyday skills and social skills.


Too right, look at the responsibilities we have to take on looking after ourselves whilst parents are working.


Firstly our communication skills develop, that’s due to the number of PPI cold calls we have to deal with when left home alone.


Then look at being left with grandparents. That is some responsibility. They even forget things from going from the bottom of the stairs to the top, so you have to keep reminding them, especially about eating or you’d never eat again. They would forget.


You have to monitor their TV watching habits or they watch rubbish, like the News or Homes Under The Hammer. It’s hard work constantly demanding good TV like Twirly Woos, Teletubbies or Fireman Sam. Oh, and I forgot Peter Rabbit. And you are constantly having to come up with things to keep them occupied and find books for them to read. And then of course, after lunch you are constantly looking for creative ways to get them off to sleep so that you can have a bit of a break.


Nursery develops different skills. Inter communication with other children. How to ensure they don’t get one over you. How to keep them in their place. A lot of nursery is about building relationships with those in charge of you. They tend to be female and I have found to act cute is such a winner. It means they look out for you if you know what I mean. Teaches you all about getting on with the opposite sex.


You see if only dad, Uncle Col and grandad’s mum’s had gone to work and they had gone to nursery they would have experience of dealing with the opposite sex and would not have the sad lives they find themselves in today.


“Bye! Bye!”