28th January 2017




AGED almost 9 MONTHS




Welcome to my world.


I’ve not been well, lately, but in the good old spirit of George I’ve kept on smiling.


We’ve done loads in general and in particularly with Grandad (of Grandad & Mamma fame), too much to be honest. Life’s been full of new experiences, like a swollen eye as a result of conjunctivitis. But I’ve learnt that the tough bits of life make the good bits even gooder.


So, we are almost at the end of the first four weeks of 2017 and I am almost 9 months old. That means I have been in the real world almost as long as in the womb. Wow! That is old, but not as old as Grandad. He is so old I don’t think wombs had been invented when he was born.


So what do I know and what have I learned about the world.

I learned my Cousin Ewan who is nearly two is so wise, he knows everything there is to know and even more on top of that.


It always worried me that when I baby sat Mamma and Grandad they were easily distracted and ignored me and if we had sleep overs they put me into bed to sleep at night and then they went to sleep, meaning I was not the centre of attention.


I discussed my concerns with Cousin Ewan. He said exactly the same thing happened to him when he was my age. His advice was: insist on a full bottle, then be sick (it’s dead easy to sick a newly drunk bottle back). And Mamma and Grandad will give you all the attention you could ever dream of.


I did it on two occasions and perfection. First time I was staying over night at their house. I managed to persuade them to let me be in their bed. It was just like Charlie Bucket’s family in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But then Mum came back and insisted I go in my cot.


I lay in my cot thinking what a looser I was. Then I thought what would Cousin Ewan do in this situation? Then, it came to me in a flash. Have a full bottle, then cough and cough until I sicked it back. I demanded a bottle. Mum gave it to me. I coughed and coughed. I brought the bottle back, every drop. Mamma and Grandad took over and it was only 4.00am.


I later went to sleep for three or four hours and Mamma & Grandad stayed awake watching over me at all time. I was centre of attention. At last.

Result! Back of the net!


A couple of weeks later Mamma and Grandad looked after me at my house whilst Mum and Dad were out.  Cousins Ewan and Rory came in the afternoon. I told Cousin Ewan what I had done and that I had to look after them that night, too.


“I dare you to do it again.” He said


I wasn’t going to, it didn’t seem fair.


But then they insisted I was in bed by 8.30pm. Goodness knows what Mamma and Grandad were planning on getting up to. You know what babysitters are like. So I just had to be sick again. Perfection again!


The other Saturday Mamma and Grandad went with Me and Mum to take Sister Freya swimming. I’m learning to swim and I thought with being so many adults I would definitely get a swim. Not a chance. We just watched Sister Freya. What’s the point of that? But I kept smiling.


Afterwards we went to the café. Great I thought. Chocolate snack. That is what everyone else had. I just got a boring bottle, as usual. What’s the point of that? But I kept smiling.


We then went to Frankie and Benny’s for lunch. Wow! Great new experience of smells, sights, sounds and hopefully tastes. But, not for me. Just normal food in a toothpaste tube. What’s the point of me going there? A waste of two hours of my precious life to date. But I kept smiling.


On the way to and from swimming Grandad sat in the back of Mum’s car in the middle of me and Sister Freya. I stared at him constantly because I could not believe him. He was very squashed up, like a big fat pumpkin or Christmas pudding squeezed in between the two of us. I got to thinking at what stage is a person classed as morbidly obese, because Grandad must be at that point if not beyond it.


Grandad worked hard at entertaining us at all times in the car. But he was so boring that both me and Sister Freya fell into a deep sleep. What was the point of that? But I kept smiling.


Like I said my left eye swelled and closed up. I know why. Cousin Ewan told me to always sleep with one eye open. So I always did, especially when Mamma and Grandad are about. So I think that caused the problem. The eye and lid became over tired and exhausted. Now Cousin Ewan informs me he was speaking metaphorically. But I kept smiling.


Dad and Mamma took me to the doctor who prescribed some drops to go in the eye. How were drops going to help? I made sure I closed my eyes very tightly when I saw them coming along. But I kept smiling.


Finally I now know exactly what I want to do for a job when I grow up. It is all based on the bee Fairy Godmother Emma and Prince Daniel bought me for Christmas. What an inspirational toy. The toy runs around singing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” in a Chinese sounding way. With doing some internet research I have discovered some species of real bee don’t sing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” but instead sing, “Buzz Buzz Buzz”.


The reason and different bee sounds intrigue me so much I have decided to study them and become a biologist. That should keep me smiling and life will continue to “bee” one major new experience.