29th JUNE 2017



In my two short years of life I have learned there are two basic essentials for life.


1.             The smart phone (and tablet)


2.             The TV remote control.


So why do grown-ups make such a big thing about making sure we cannot get at them? Just one of so many quirky unexplainable things about grown-ups and why I will never understand them, and I will never be classed as one.


Please be patient, I am leading somewhere with this, there is a purpose.


A smart phone is your life. It is key to you and you should automatically be presented with one the moment you pop out the womb. We’ve not covered evolution at nursery, yet, but when we do I suspect we will be taught that due to evolution and the importance of the smart phone, at some point in the future a smart phone will develop on our hands whilst we are in the womb and we will be born clasping it.

Why do I think this way? Just look at what you can do with it.


The smart phone holds all memories of your life. If you want a picture or video of an event it’s there for you to see. Taking selfies is just amazing. You can get on the internet, read any book, play any music track, see any film, answer any question, book or buy anything, see any photo, ring absolutely anybody, talk to anyone, you can Tweet, there is an App to do absolutely anything. And you can put the phone down the toilet or just lose them (that is a brilliant game, causes so much trouble and panic with grown-ups but is such a laugh).


I have only covered a minute sample of things you can do with a smart phone. There are whole books written and published about using the smart phone. Just go on the phone and you can order them.


So, with the camera facility you can take yours or anybody’s photograph at any time, and I do when I can get my hands on a phone.


This has been a long introduction to say, I just do not understand what happened to me on Tuesday.


Tuesday is my day off from nursery. Not that it is much of a day off. I have to babysit Grandad and Mamma. But I welcome not having the stringent nursery regime. But at lunchtime when Mamma and Grandad went to get Brother Rory from nursery they took me with them.


Get this. The reason was for me and Brother Rory to have our photograph taken with an old fashioned thing called a “camera”. A great big black box thing I thought only Grandad used. Grandad has one from dinosaur days. You had to have a big camera in those days or the dinosaurs would eat up tiny smart phones “Gulp!”


Do you know what? All this black box did was take photographs. You won’t believe it but you cannot get on the internet with it, it doesn’t play music and you can’t ring Mamma on it.


And, you’ll laugh at this, you have to wait a week or so to get the actual photographs.


“Do you have to send them to the chemist?” said Grandad to the lady using it. I think that was another unfunny Grandad Joke.


Having said all that, it was great fun. The lady taking the photographs gave us lots of things to play with. Grandad is always taking our photograph so we knew exactly what to do. We looked at the camera and smiled or said cheese. It was a nice game, nice game.


People who have their photograph taken like we did are called “models”. We were very professional models which means you are so good you get paid for doing it. But I saw no money, I imagine Dad had that and bought more flowers for the garden. Not fair is it?


I was a bit worried that no one was looking after Mamma and Grandad whilst we were working on our modelling. But you have to be professional about it and modelling comes first especially when Brother Rory and me have this huge red aeroplane to sit upon. I wanted to take that home with me.

Then, the lady blew some bubbles. I love bubbles and that made me laugh lots.


Finally there was a child size armchair for me and Brother Rory to sit on. I had to sit on the chair like dad sits on his with my legs dangling over the arm of the chair. I was a natural. I looked so cool.


There are going to be some classic photographs there, even if I do say it myself.


But I don’t understand why they need someone with a dinosaur camera and to take them and me having to specially go in to nursery on my day off.


Why didn’t they give us all a smart phone for the day (for ever in fact) and let us mess about and take our own SELFIEs. Look at the opportunity for character building  and improving our social skills we would have had and we would have had the pictures on the same day as we took them.


But finally I have to say I have discovered one thing, yes, just one thing in life that is far, far better than a smart phone, TV remote control or camera and that is a book.


A book can and does hold all memories of your life (real or dreamt or imagined). You don’t even have to take selfies, photographs taken by grandad magically appear in books, which is just amazing. You don’t even need to get onto the internet, you can read any book, play tunes at the push of a button on the musical ones, answer any question, see any photo, pretend  to ring absolutely anybody, imagine you are talking to anyone. And you can put the book down the toilet or scribble in it (you shouldn’t really) or just lose it and then scream because you cannot find it (that is a brilliant game, causes so much trouble and such a laugh). It is limited only by your imagination making my books are unlimited.


But the best thing of all about books is something you cannot do with a smart phone, you can lift the flaps. Smart phones do not have flaps to lift, but in books they hide: chickens, dogs, Spot the Dog, Postman Pat’s Letters, dinosaurs, eggs and everything you can think of.


But most of all books are the most exciting thing in the world ever… and always will be!


Bye, Bye, Ewan.