Ewan:    Hi, you might think it is Grandad here but it’s not it’s Ewan.


George:  Hi, you might think it’s Mamma here but it’s not it’s George. Welcome to my world, won’t you come on in.


So Ewan, why are we here?


Ewan:    Because we’ve not done our blog for two weeks, because Grandad is on holiday and because we are on holiday.


George:  But Grandad’s not on holiday because he’s typing this blog for us.


Ewan:    Yes, I know, Grandad is on holiday figuratively speaking.


George:  Oh, I see.


Ewan, what’s “figuratively” mean?


Ewan:    Look, it’s easy Grandad is not doing his blog for a week and has asked us to do one giving our thoughts about our holiday, everyday for seven days. But Grandad has to type our words because we are not able to use a computer.


George:  I know and why not, it’s not for the want of trying. I keep trying to get at the computer but when I get to the keyboard, after much calculated effort and energy either I am whisked away or that is. How will I ever learn to use a computer and get a job?


Ewan:    I know it is the same with me. One of the many frustrations of being a child. But do what I do turn it to your advantage.


George:  How can you possibly turn being banned from the computer to an advantage? THERE IS NO ADVANTAGE!!! Just spite, on my parents part, because their objective is to stop me having fun.


Ewan:    Easy. What I do is look for the nearest biggest thing I can lift and throw it hard on the floor and then throw myself to the floor very, very dramatically and scream and cry as loud as I am capable.


George:  Do they let you have the computer keyboard, then?


Ewan:    No, unfortunately, that has never happened, but I do feel better.


George:  So here we are on holiday. What’s holiday all about then, Ewan?


Ewan:    There’s a lot I do not understand about adult life and holidays is one of them.


George:  Exactly. We are going along having a nice comfortable life at home and nursery doing nothing except creating work for adults.


Ewan:    Yes, our under 3 year old duties: sleep, eat, wee and poo and cry…


George:  …and scream and entertain when the spotlight is on us.


Ewan;    Then we are whisked away for a 10 hour drive leaving all our favourite books, toys, cuddly toys and dinosaurs at home to have a lesser, more crowded but nice comfortable life doing nothing.


George:  Except our under 3 year old duties: sleep, eat, wee and poo and cry…


Ewan:    …and scream and entertain when the spotlight is on us.


George:  When it’s Day 1 of holiday Dad and Sister Freya get over excited and Mum gets over grumpy.


Ewan:    Same with our family. Grumpy is not the word.


George:  Then I know I’ve got to sit in my car seat sleeping for 10 hours. So I ain’t the happiest bunny around with that hanging over me. So Mum takes a selfie of me puts it on social media and it goes viral with all sorts of comments like “George, tell your face you’re going on holiday.”  But why? What is so good about holidays?


Ewan:    Yes, George, you are right and I do sympathise, but just one point I need to pick you up on.


George:  What’s that Ewan?


Ewan:    A basic point. Your Mum cannot take a selfie of you. Only you can take a selfie of you. When was the last time you were allowed access to a smart phone?


George:  You’re dead right, Ewan. They guard them as if their lives depend on them.


Ewan:    Ok, lets accept for whatever bizarre adult world rule or reason that you have to go on this long  10 hour journey for holidays if you were Mum and Dad wouldn’t you see it as your responsibility to entertain your children along the way so they do not get bored.


George:  What like put a 10 hour compilation tape together to singalong to with Wheels on the Bus…


Ewan:    …and Cliff Richard singing Summer Holiday and then to liven it up the Trolls soundtrack…


George:  …and Queen’s Bohemiem Rhapsody –(stayed 9 weeks at No.1 in 1975) – Did you say that Ewan?


Ewan:    No, Grandad interfering again.


George:  Or we could have a load of audio books on a memory stick


Ewan:    With top celebrities reading our favourite stories.


George:  Mum could have revived Patsy and Laxey Go On A Summer Holiday stories.


Ewan:    Or maybe not.


George: They could have entertained us with games like I-Spy (but I think you have to have an Apple tablet for that), or The Word Association Game.


Ewan:    Or The Banana Game


George:  Name That Tune


Ewan:    The Number Plate Game


George:  Car Colour Race


Ewan:    Car Bingo


George:  Never Miss A Beat


Ewan:    20 Questions


George:  Really, I don’t think so, we are old enough for these games. I know because I ain’t a clue what we are talking about.


Ewan:    No, neither have I. They should have bought us a tablet each and let us hold and operate them and I’d watch Bear Hunt, Gruffalo…


George:  …and Peppa Pig and Thomas the Tank Engine.


Ewan:    Oh – oh. Think we’ll have to close. Grandad’s fallen asleep.


George:  Ewan, why do old people sleep so much?


Ewan:    Don’t know, probably they are practising for being dead.


George:  Oh. See you here tomorrow then, same place same time. Bye! Bye!


Ewan:    Bye! Bye!