George:                  Hello, George and Ewan here. Welcome to our world.


Ewan:                    Hi George. I like that. It’s taken you almost a week to come up with it, but you are there.


George:                  I know. It sounds good doesn’t it?


Ewan:                    Makes us sound like a professional world famous double act like Ant and Dec, Batman and Robin, Morecambe and Wise, Tom and Jerry, Laurel and Hardy Sonny and Cher.


George:                  Don’t forget Mamma and Grandad…


Ewan:                    No definitely not. I know Ant and Dec and Batman and Robin but who the **** are the rest.


George:                  I just do not know. It’s Grandad putting words into our blog, yet again.


Ewan:                    Somebody needs to have a word with him about that. It could be harmful to us.

Anyway Georgie-boy let’s blog.


George:                  So what’s on our minds today, Ewan?


Ewan:                    The zoo, because that’s where we went yesterday.


George:                  Yes, brilliant, the zoo. We went there because it was raining.

Why did we have to wait until it rained?


Ewan:                    One of those adult quirky things that it is best us children not know about because we would become more confused.


George:                  May be it’s to allow the female members of the family to put on a full display of umbrellas.


Ewan:                    Do you know George, I think you are right. And us to put on our wellies. Aren’t wellies just the best thing in the world, ever? They seem to have this attachment on them that automatically turns mums off shouting at you for splash in puddles and makes them say instead: “Ah, look at them having fun. How nice”


George:                  I wouldn’t know. My Mum and Dad ain’t bought me no wellies, yet.


Ewan:                    But you still jumped in the puddles.


George:                  Yes, but Mum shouted at me: “George, Patrick Reed, stop splashing.”


Ewan:                    But you’ve coped with worse than that.


So what about the zoo animals, then, wasn’t that just the best experience in the world, ever?


George:                  No, how can you say that when there was no 101 Dalmatians?


Ewan:                    Maybe Cruella de Ville had taken them on another adventure.

Not really. You do not have dogs in a zoo. You have wild, jungle animals. Normally endangered species, not dogs.


George:                  101 Dalmaticians are endangered species because Cruella de Ville is trying to use their coats to make her a coat.


Ewan:                    True. But she doesn’t succeed, so they are not an endangered species.


I could say I was disappointed because there was no horses in the zoo.


In fact I was very disappointed. You’d have thought they would have done pony rides or donkey rides.


George:                  But you loved the lions, didn’t you?


Ewan:                    Wow, yes! They are the best thing in the world ever. They are so fierce. Did you see how fierce they are?


George:                  Not really, they slept mainly, yarned loads and when they woke walked nonchalantly around their enclosure. Hardly scary.


Ewan:                    I speak lion talk, you know.


George:                  I do know. What do you say?


Ewan:                    Roar!!!


George:                  So what are you saying to them?


Ewan:                    I don’t know. Just “Roar!!!” I suppose.


George:                  Where did you learn to speak Lion?


Ewan:                    In a book “The Lion Inside” by Rachel Bright and Jim Field. You learn so many things from books.


And the Lion King of course.


That’s my most favourite film in the world, ever. I’ve watched it a thousand million times on Netflix. And it is a proper film, properly animated not like your ridiculous 101 Dalmatians.


George:                  I’ll ignore that comment.


Ewan:                    Did you see the penguins. Penguins are my most favourite birds in the world ever.


George:                  Why’s that, Ewan.


Ewan:                    At the zoo they stand and watch you as if they’ve come to see you. They are the same shape and have the same stature as me and even run like me.


George:                  I thought you were going to get in the pool with them at one stage.


Ewan:                    I was trying.


I want to kidnap one and take it home. I love them so much.


George:                  That would be exciting.


Ewan:                    Yes, Grandad told me about a TV play where a little boy kidnapped a penguin from the zoo and took it home


George:                  That has to be a Grandad joke.


Ewan:                    No it definitely is not a Grandad joke because it must be the best thing in the world ever to do.


George:                  Where would you keep it, in a cage?


Ewan:                    No, silly, in the bath and in the fridge.


George:                  Did you get one then?


Ewan:                    Not this visit.


George:                  Best of luck with your mission.


Say, there were no tigers, at the zoo, were there.


Ewan:                    Nor gorillas, elephants or giraffes.


George:                  Do you know why?


Ewan:                    Can’t say I do.


George:                  They’ve probably nipped out for awhile. Grandad explains it all in his “Eric the Gorilla” stories.


We had a tiger come to tea once.


Ewan:                    Wow! Really!


Was your Mum scared?


George:                  No it was in a book “The Tiger Who Came To Tea” by Judith Kerr. You learn so many things from books. So I know exactly what to do when one comes knocking at my door.


Ewan:                    I don’t think you get many door to door tigers in Newark, begging for their tea though.


George:                  I think there is.


Something else I did not see at the zoo was a Gruffalo.


Ewan:                    Me and Grandad did, it was in the Big Dark Wood area of the zoo, behind a tree.


George:                  Amazing! Why didn’t you shout me? Where you scared?


Ewan:                    I didn’t actually see it. Grandad did.


George:                  Oh Oh. The Grufalo wasn’t there then, was it. It was just be a Grandad joke.


Ewan:                    No it wasn’t a Grandad joke. He was deadly serious. He had that scared look like when Mamma shouts: “Philip!”


George:                  Wow! He must have been scared, then.


Ewan:                    Yes and we saw the beautiful green snake in the reptile house.


George:                  And the owl. But no Big Bad Mouse.


Ewan:                    No but he knows when it’s best to keep a low profile.


George:                  He wouldn’t hang around to meet with the likes of us, he’d be off making mischief.


Ewan:                    Yes just like us.


Did you see the beautifully coloured parrots?


George:                  No, well I ignored them, really. I’d seen the café and wanted food and dad was going past it. So I felt it my duty to have a meltdown. A strop.


Ewan:                    They were beautiful, so beautiful I think I will be a pirate.


George:                  I suppose it beats having a chip on your shoulder.

Do you know I was thinking about the Big Bad Mouse making mischief. Shall we be off making mischief?


Ewan:                    Oooooh, yes, George that’s what makes the world go round and what life is all about.


George:                  I still think the playground was the best bit of the zoo.


Ewan:                    George…!


Ewan & George together:   Bye! Bye!



© 2017 www.rujokinggrandad.co.uk Phil Robinson