CORONABOBS ISOLATION DAY 4 – Diary of a Self-Isolator

CORONABOBS ISOLATION DAY 4 – Diary of a Self-Isolator

Diary of a Self-Isolator – Day 4 Thursday 19th March 2020

We’re still surviving but trying to adjust to this crazy new world.

According to the Women’s Institute we’re not “Self-isolating” we are “Cocooning”.

Here’s the news report:

“As the government scales-up its response to the spread of coronavirus COVID-19, there are a number of anxiety-inducing phrases peppering the headlines on a daily basis, including ‘social distancing’, ‘self-isolation’ and ‘pandemic’. But some are choosing to take a slightly friendlier approach to their outbreak communications…

The Gloucestershire Federation of Women’s Institutes shared a Facebook post this week in which they explained their decision to use the term ‘cocooning’ as opposed to ‘self-isolating.’

“Cocooning (so much nicer than self-isolation) is staying inside one’s home, insulated to protect from perceived danger, instead of going out,” the social media post from Tuesday 17th March read.

It is part of the WI’s wider aim to reassure local members and share some “practical ways in which members can help combat the isolation and loneliness many might feel whilst cocooning.”

The more positive terminology has been welcomed by WI members in Gloucestershire, who are currently busy setting up support plans to help the elderly and vulnerable in their communities.

“The phrase ‘self-isolating’ sounds very stark and a little scary, especially for such a friendly, welcoming and inclusive social group like the WI who have lots of members over the age of 60,” says Catherine Pritchard, member of the Lechlade WI. “Referring to it as ‘cocooning’ sounds much more positive and encouraging, as though we will be staying warm and safe in our homes, protected from the world outside,” says Catherine.”


One assumes they will emerge from the “cocoon” as a beautiful butterfly. But don’t the WI like to shed their clothes to make calendars. You can’t have it both ways WI members.

Over the last 4 days shortages and hoarders have hit the headlines.

Everyone is buying up toilet rolls consequently there is a shortage.

Why, out of everything you could hoard, because of a fear of running out due to the Coronavirus has toilet rolls been chosen as top of the list of must have supermarket products. Manufacturers have no problem making as many toilet rolls as we need for day to day demand.

It is crazy!

Is the fear of the virus making us poo our pants so much that we are pooing loads more times than normal?

Why are we not demanding and causing a shortage of Cadbury’s Cream Eggs, Spam, Tampax, Durex (I guess not if we have to stay 2 metres apart) , The Daily Mail or Magnums.

The problem is worldwide, too. The TV news bulletins are full of film of shoppers at supermarkets all over the world. Every one of them, no matter the country people stand with shopping and everyone has a pack of toilet rolls.

I went to the doctors Tuesday. I felt out of it because everyone I met had a pack of toilet rolls in a carrier bag or tucked under their arms and I didn’t.

On TV the news reporters keep interviewing the man in the street and woman in the supermarket. None of the reporters have been able to track down anyone who is buying extra toilet rolls and hoarding them.

So, where are they all going. I think there is a phantom toilet roll collector and hoarder’s society (The PTRCHS).

A racing car made fron a toilet roll cardboard tube putting heavy demand on toilet rolls

I got to wondering and this helped occupy me on Day 4 why would you want to hoard an excess of toilet rolls.

Here is the list I came up with:

  1. Loads used due to pooing my pants because scared of Coronavirus
  2. 6,000 needed to build a toilet roll house in the back garden to self-isolate from partner
  3. Loads of rolls to play that Mummy Game. The aim of the game is to wrap up a friend/partner like a mummy using a roll of toilet paper. Then wrap up the mummy until she’s totally covered. But please remember to stand two metres apart. – It helps pass the time.
  4. Esther Rantzen suggested writing your memoirs during the time in isolation. Maybe people are writing their memoirs on toilet paper (an ideal material) and have lots of memoirs.
  5. Toilet rolls may have been bought to stuff bras…or if you’re a man, stuff other places. That could use lots!
  6. Do you remember the old Andrex puppy TV ads where the puppy runs off with a toilet roll and it goes for miles? Maybe Andrex are remaking the Ads and bought up loads of toilet rolls.
  7. Toilet rolls could be bought to use as loft insulation. You would need lots of rolls for that.
  8. Use toilet paper to make paper flowers – May be people are being considerate and not selfishly buying up all the fresh flowers to give to their loved ones who have Coronavirus, or for their mothers on Mothers’ Day. Instead they are buying toilet rolls in enormous quantities to make paper flowers ensuring there are plenty of fresh flowers to go round for everyone.
  9. One of the prime reasons there is a shortage of toilet rolls I think is due to instructions on the internet to make a bird feeder. All the bird lovers have bought up any available toilet rolls to make this feeder.

Making food available for birds is key at this time of year. Birds are too busy making nests and having young to search for food. So, if you if you spread peanut butter onto a toilet paper roll, and then dip the tube into bird seeds. The seeds will stick to the roll so that you can hang it up. Drawback – causes major demand for toilet rolls in spring.

  1. Finally, spring is a time for sowing sunflower seeds. You have to keep them indoors to begin with to bring them on. The trouble is great big huge pots holding the seeds look unsightly in the multi million £ new kitchen. As an alternative take a toilet roll cardboard inner cardboard tube, tape card on the bottom. Fill with your favourite seed compost and decorate your tube. Plant your sunflower seed. And you’re done. It adds to your kitchen. The downside being it puts massive demand on toilet roll consumption. Especially if your child is studying castles at school and needs four toilet roll innards for the corner towers of the castle they build.

I think from this list you can understand why toilet rolls are in such big demand.

On the other hand, about four billion people don’t use toilet paper in the world. That is about 70% – 75 % of the world’s population.

In an average household, the average roll of toilet paper lasts approximately five days. Consumers use approximately 8 – 9 sheets of paper per toilet use.

If you hang your toilet paper so you can pull it from the bottom, you’re deemed to be more intelligent than someone who hangs their toilet paper and pulls it from the top.

Make this beautiful phone stand from your cardboard toilet roll tube. Is there any wonder there is such a big demand for toilet rolls when you can make things as beautiful as this from the cardboard insides.

In the current climate, as toilet paper goes, I think this woman is incredibly sensible. An Australian mother has made her own toilet paper after failing to find loo roll during four visits to the supermarket. She made dozens of microfibre cloths, which she says are environmentally friendly and reusable. “After use, they go straight into a bucket of bleach with a lid on it, which sits beside the toilet.

If you are short of toilet paper or just refuse to use it on principle learn about TEN ALTERNATIVES, (or maybe 11).

Click on the following link: No Toilet Paper No Worries Toilet Paper Alternatives

And what was I doing Day 4 – redistributing Parish News as discussed on Day 3, coming up with a list of 10 reasons why I hoard toilet rolls. And I watched the Boris Johnson Coronavirus Special Box Set.