jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG Monday 7th September 2020
DAILY MASH GIVES YOU A GOOD LAUGH
Life should be about having a good laugh, if you possibly can. Our site is all about getting the most from life. To get the most from life you need to be happy. The most important ingredient for happiness is laughter.
I find the satirical site “thedailymash.co.uk” is full of items that I find so funny. Every couple of weeks I’m going to feature a couple of the items to try and cheer you up.
I also recommend that you go to their site regularly yourself. It’ll cheer you up: https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/
Please be warned some of their language is a bit choice, if you are offended by bad language. To me it adds to the humour.
Here are a couple of Daily Mash stories I love and to give you a taster.
- Meghan, Harry, Kate and Wills regretting caravan holiday in Rhyl
THE younger members of the Royal Family now feel it was a mistake to book a holiday together in a small caravan in Wales, it has emerged.
The break has become extremely tense due to revelations in the recent biography of the Sussexes, Finding Freedom, and the general misery of Welsh caravan holidays.
Prince William said: “I come across as a pompous idiot in that damn book. Also Meghan really stinks out the chemical toilet. It’s like an elephant’s been in there.
“It’s been pouring with rain so we’re trapped inside playing Cleudo most of the time. If Harry tells us one more tedious anecdote about Afghanistan I might do a murder myself.”
Meghan said: “I found my $400 organic seaweed moisturiser in the bin. I wonder who put it there? Let’s just say a certain skinny bitch got her ass kicked at crazy golf earlier today.”
The royals are currently trying to plan a trip to SeaQuarium Rhyl, which has caused arguments due to Meghan’s progressive views on animal rights and Harry’s daily requests to go to the pub instead.
Kate said: “We can’t just sit in the pub all day. I’m organising a nice healthy game of two-against-two hockey later and they had better take it seriously this time or there’ll be trouble.”
- ‘It is what it is’ and other f**king annoying meaningless phrases
STUMPED for something worthwhile to say but still want to contribute to a conversation? Here are some totally useless and highly annoying phrases to consider.
‘It is what it is’
Said with a shrug and a wise smile, this phrase makes you come across as the deep, philosophical type. So long as you’ve been sat at a bar for four hours talking nonsense with other pissheads.
‘At the end of the day…’
Originally meant to sum up all previous points and put a conversation to bed, this phrase is now thrown into conversation willy nilly and means f**k all. Use it to sound as if you know what you’re talking about even though you don’t, eg. “At the end of the day, the economy’s all about money.”
‘Don’t take this personally’
Meaningless because it does the opposite and primes the person you’re saying it to to take it incredibly personally. Tactless people also tend to use it with a blatantly personal criticism, for example, “Don’t take this personally, Steve, but you’ve got a really weird face.”
‘For what it’s worth’
It’s worth nothing, because it’s just some ill-thought-out opinion falling out of your mouth like a steaming turd out of a cow’s backside. Used by people to sound more important or wordly-wise than they actually are, even if you’re only discussing crisps.
You’ve just wasted a precious second of your life and someone else’s by telling them that what you just said is a thing you just said. Often used by twats to distance themselves from dodgy opinions, eg. “Women are smaller, so they have smaller brains. Just sayin’.”
DON’T FORGET TO LAUGH EVERYDAY ESPECIALLY WHILST IN ISOLATION
INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE FOR THE DAY
- “You have chosen the wrong path if it’s not fun. And you are probably not taking enough risk if it’s not hard and rocky sometimes.”– Marc Benioff
- “Don’t write what you think people want to read. Find your voice and write about what’s in your heart.” – Quentin Tarantino
Happiness is…Daily Mash
GRANDAD’S ONE LINER JOKE OF THE DAY
At school the other kids used to push me around and call me lazy; I loved that wheelchair.
Love is…like hitting the jackpot in a game of chance
WHAT IS THERE A SEASON FOR TODAY TURN, TURN, TURN …
- A time for a Daily Mash laugh…A time to take life a little more seriously
- A time for choice language…A time for no bad language at all!
SOMETHING TO BE POSITIVE ABOUT & GRATEFUL FOR IN THE WORLD
Having a warm, dry comfortable bed to sleep in and call my own.
SOMETHING TO LAUGH ABOUT
Jon Richardson -Old Man Tour
On Channel 4 or DVD or Amazon Prime
Stand up comic/master worrier Jon Richardson talks marriage, fatherhood, politics, loading a dishwasher correctly and everything else that keeps him up at night. Filmed at Blackpool’s Grand Theatre on the final night of his Old Man tour.
TOTAL STAIRWAY TO EVEREST CLIMB CHALLENGE
Sunday 6/9/2020 DAY 155 18 Times – 162 Feet Cumulative Total 23,121
©2020 Phil M Robinson