Day 14 11 SLEEPS – EWAN’S BLOG: (3 YRS)



Is that fatist Mamma? BLOG 14th December 2018

Hi, Ewan here.

I don’t know whether you have noticed but Christmas is on its way big time now. Everything has a Santa theme. They even start trying to bring Baby Jesus into it too.


I find every single thing I try to do ends up with Mum and Dad or even Mamma and surprisingly Grandad point to what I thought was a burglar alarm sensor and using the old colloquialism “Don’t do that,” adding: “Santa’s watching”.  I find it suppresses me terribly and I fear it will have a negative impact on my life and stunt my outgoing growth.


My question is who finances this Santa Surveillance System which seems to be in every house, restaurant, cafe, coffee shop, Costa, and public place in the country throughout the world. But I guess about the whole world because I have never left this country. (Not my fault, Mum and Dad have never taken me.)


Grandad says Santa finances it through the money he saves by spotting all the bad kids and not having to give them presents. All I can say is there must be a load of bad kids so by being good am I going against the trend.


As it is Christmas we have the Pre-school Christmas shenanigans. I was looking forward to it. I love to dress up: reindeer, cow, sheep, elephant, Mary, Joseph, Spiderman. They all went to see Baby Jesus and I am versatile I could wear any costume and act the part of any one of them and more.


At home, privately I have a closet full of costumes I wear when I dress up in private: Gruffalo, Spiderman, Batman, Captain America, a lamb and even normal clothes.


But at Pre-school we did not do the Nativity. We did the Greatest Showman instead. I am only three and a half years old and although I know almost everything there is to know in the world I am not quite sure of the connection between The Greatest Showman and Jesus being born at Christmas.


May be Mary and Joseph took Baby Jesus to the circus as a special Baby’s First Christmas treat


There is a circus in Hucknall this Christmas. As usual ageism comes into play and I am not allowed to go. Maybe the reason Mary and Joseph and all the other people went to Bethlehem was to see the circus there. But it became lost in translation and circus was translated as pay taxes because the admission price was so high. Someone probably made a Grandad joke. The animals were probably zebras, lions, tigers, elephants and giraffes and not donkeys, oxen and sheep.


As our Nativity Play was The Greatest Showman I was hoping to aspire to the role of the bearded lady but disappointedly I did not get it. I think two things let me down. 1. I am not female. 2. I do not have a beard.


Instead I had to dress smartly and dance my feet off and sing my head off.


My Mum and Dad came to see my show. Mamma and Grandad and Granny and Grandad David didn’t. Couldn’t be a**** I suppose. Wait till it’s their turn to do a show, see if I can be bothered to turn up and support them.


Mum said they were only allowed two tickets. Since when has that ever stopped Mamma?


My summing up of the show was this: I did my dance and tried really hard at it. But most of the other boys didn’t try hard. Then the really difficult bit, I had to sit quietly whilst the other children sang songs. The first couple were ok, but after a while I realised the general standard of production, singing and dancing were no where near London’s West End standards, so I became bored and commanded my Mum to come and pick me up. But to my shock she refused. I always thought I could take my Mum’s love completely for granted but apparently show business is more important. An important lesson I will not easily forget.


But it doesn’t take away from the fact that I looked smart and I performed well, and looked the part.


It is the season for shows. It was Brother Rory’s and Cousin Freya’s this week. I was not allowed to go. Ageism rules again you see!!! I don’t know about Cousin George’s. And as I said the Circus is in town not just a circus but Planet Circus. I do not know which school’s Christmas Show that is but they get a gigantic tent to do it in. How exciting is that?


Mamma and Grandad turned up at Pre-school to pick me up in their usual daze, a couple of hours after the show ended. Typical.


After an underwhelming afternoon with them the excitement really began. Mum and Dad picked me and Brother Rory up and we went on A Santa hunt.


A bit like A Bear Hunt. Although I enjoyed this evening, going out when we should be going to bed, I don’t understand why we have to do it. What we do is go to Smyths the Biggest Toy Shop in the Universe. We have the run of the place and have to decide what we want Santa to bring us Christmas Day.


The bit I don’t understand is Dad buys it, that’s right, pays hard earned money for it. And then Santa comes and collects it. I think Santa must have some hold over Dad, he obviously knows something about him or is Santa running a protection racket threatening to break Dad’s knees if he doesn’t donate money for my toys. Otherwise I know my Dad, there is no way in the world anyone would get him normally to part with his hard earned money.


Although I love this night as much as Christmas Eve, I am a little disappointed with Santa. With all his surveillance system wouldn’t you think he’d pick up the vibes of what we wanted for Christmas? If he knows if we’ve been bad or good surely he knows what we want for Christmas. Ok, I know Santa’s a bit dumb. I see him five or six times in the run up to Christmas and every time he asks me my name. He can’t even remember it. And every time I have to repeat the list of what I want for Christmas.


In any case, in this day and age all he needs to do is ask Alexa. “Alexa, what does Ewan want for Christmas?”


We went to McDonalds first. I sometimes wonder how come I got to be so intelligent when I have parents dumber than Dumb and Dumber. They take me to McDonalds and expect me to eat when there are tablets there specially for us to play on and FREE OF CHARGE.


At Smyths there seemed to be some family objection to me slowly and carefully checking out every aisle in detail. How else do I know that I have efficiently chosen the right presents?


Now because I understand ageism I also understand sexism and being gender neutral. But in the Toy Industry I believe the pendulum has swung too far especially with girls toys and gender neutrality. Grandad, Brother Rory and my Dad back me on this one. But having said that the Unicorn Ride-A-long and Sylvanian Families are brilliant despite being girls toys.


In the end I decided on the Paw Patrol Tower and a Workbench with real toy tools, 45 pieces to it. I chose that on the grounds of being the biggest pain to Mum and Dad Toy without it making a noise.


As it says in the “How To Live Life To It’s Full As A 3 Year Old For Dummies Book” I will have to change my mind a thousand times before Christmas Day. As there are 11 sleeps until Christmas I have to change my mind 90.9 times each day. Tough, but I know I can do it.


I need to get off for Mamma’s birthday celebrations today. She’s 66 years old. That’s a lot of candles, thank goodness because it is a very cold day. But I’ll tell you about her birthday next time.


Bye Bye, Ewan.





Peace on earth will come to stay, when we live Christmas every day. – Helen Steiner Rice


  1.   One Snowy Night – Nick Butterworth
  2. Winnie-the-Pooh: Pooh’s Snowy Day – Andrew    Grey


Strange Star – Emma Carroll


Murder On Christmas Eve: Classic Mysteries by Cecily Gayford and G K Chesterton




Spider-Man Annual 2019


God Rest You Merry, Gentlemen


The Santa Clause (1994)


Happiness at Christmas is…chestnuts roasting on an open fire


What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar? He got 25 days


At Christmas Love is…making sure you buy his/her Christmas present early


I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus  – Ronettes

Highest Chart Position: No. This version did not chart.

The original recording by Jimmy Boyd, recorded on July 15, 1952 when he was 13 years old, reached No. 1 on the Billboard pop singles chart in December 1952, and on the Cash Box chart at the beginning of the following year. It later reached Number 3 in the UK Charts when issued there in November 1953. The song was commissioned by Saks Fifth Avenue to promote the store’s Christmas card for the year, which featured an original sketch by artist Perry Barlow, who drew for The New Yorker for many decades.

Popular versions of the song were released by the Ronettes, Molly Bee, Bobby Sherman, Andy Williams, The Beverley Sisters, The Four Seasons, The Jackson 5, Reba McEntire, Homer and Jethro, Amy Winehouse, John Mellencamp, Mitch Miller, John Prine, Sammi Sanchez, Tiny Tim, The Cheetah Girls, Bif Naked, Jessica Simpson, Teresa Brewer


Diana Krall – Christmas Songs


Friday 14th December 2018

Roast Chestnut Day

Monkey Day

Lost and Found Day






©2018 Phil M Robinson &