Duchess of Cambridge Exhausted by Parenting
jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG Saturday 30th January 2021
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Today we are promoting the Daily Mash satirical website once more after a brilliant post they made. Check this out!
A diary of Kate Middleton’s exhausting parenting during lockdown
THE Duchess of Cambridge has confessed she is exhausted by parenting under lockdown. Here is her average day:
7am Kids wake me up as usual – their rooms are 80ft away but sound carries dreadfully in these Georgian country houses. Pull the gold rope next to the bed for their nanny to get them breakfast. Why is everything my responsibility?
8.30am Wake William up, reminding him that he’s got to Zoom his brother and it’s past midnight in LA so he’ll probably be pissed. Tell him to ask Meghan about my Chanel coat that ‘went missing’.
9.30am Begin homeschooling the kids. It’s not easy because it’s a mixed-age group and frankly mixed-ability. Poor Louis. Takes after great-uncle Andrew in the smarts department. Today’s lesson is smiling and waving, but at the same time.
11am Finish screaming at the kids for f**king up their waving. “What the f**k was that?” I bellow at Charlotte. “You’re greeting your subjects, not trying to draw attention after suffering a stroke!” Kick them out into the grounds while I have a swift sharpener from the cognac decanter.
1pm Completely forgot to do a Tesco click-and-collect so it’s swan for lunch again. The kids start snivelling the minute they see it, and even William rolls his eyes. “If you want something different, tell the bloody cook yourself!” I say, storming out for a fag on the upstairs balcony.
4pm Wake up – I must have fallen asleep after my lunchtime cognacs – and go down to find William’s buggered off in his helicopter and there’s blood everywhere. The kids have been left unsupervised and they’ve killed a stag again. Pop them in the bath and have the corpse burned.
7.30pm Finally the kids are in bed and I’m free to do what I want. Finish the cognac, light another gasper and put Bridgerton on.
10pm Blind drunk, William lands the helicopter far too close to the house and wakes the kids up. “You can bloody deal with them after buggering off half the day,” I tell him, furious. With a long-suffering, ‘why always me?’ expression on his face, he pulls the gold rope.
Courtesy of The Daily Mash https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/
TOP TEN OF THE DAY
Top Ten AWESOME Disney Facts
1 The Disney world resort is about the same size as San Francisco.
2 It would take 68.5 years to sleep in every single room at Disney world.
3 For five years Disney and Technicolor were in contract.
4 Monster’s Inc.’s character Sulley has more than 2.3 million delicately animated individual hairs.
5 The ‘two minute’ storm in The Little Mermaid took 10 special effects artists over a year to finish.
6 The ideas for Wall-E, Monsters Inc, A Bug’s Life and Finding Nemo came from a single lunchtime brainstorming session in 1994.
7 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was a make-or-break for Disney It cost Disney’s studios $1.4m to create. It was widely derided as Disney’s Ruin, by people who were later proved very, very wrong. Adjusted for inflation, it is one of the 10 highest grossing films ever made!
8 Steve Jobs was Disney’s largest single shareholder (7 percent) and was on the board of directors.
9 Steve Martin’s first job was in Disneyland.
10 The famous main character of the Walt Disney movie Wall-E was, in fact, named after co-founder Walter Elias Disney.
DON’T FORGET TO LAUGH EVERYDAY
INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE FOR THE DAY
“At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, or a parent.”
— Barbara Bush
Happiness is…the world of Disney.
GRANDAD’S ONE LINER JOKE OF THE DAY
Son: “Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?”
Dad: “No sun.”
Love is…the richest harvest of all
A time to sleep in every room at Disney world…A time to get a life!
30th January 1956 Elvis Presley records his version of “Blue Suede Shoes”.
30th January 1965 State funeral of Winston Churchill at St Paul’s Cathedral in London. Then world’s largest ever state funeral.
©2021 Phil M Robinson