Emily Bronte’s Love Island

Emily Bronte’s Love Island

jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG Tuesday 7th July 2021


Emily Bronte’s Love Island

(As told on the Daily Mash.)

THIS year’s Love Island, as befits one of the most romantic stories ever told, is to have a tie-in novelisation by none other than Emily Brontë. Read the excerpts:

Chapter One

Arriving at the island, I feared I should never see Heathcliff again. He had departed for sea, or perhaps the Army. My heart was wrecked like my father’s ship on the rocks, but I then I ascertained there were some pretty buff guys I might wank off.

Chapter Two

The climes are far more clement here than the bluffs and moors of Yorkshire, so I slipped into a bikini. A bequest from a maiden aunt before the voyage had seen a prudent investment in implants, making me 34EE.

Chapter Three

The wit of the discourse at the poolside bar is effervescent. ‘Is Transformers a true story?’ asked Cheryline. ‘I believe it is a fiction like those of Edgar Allen Poe,’ I contended. And was well rewarded with a charming compliment from Brayden, who proffered ‘You is well fit, babe.’

Chapter Four

After a childhood and marriage vexed and tempest-tossed, I have decided to make a gift of my heart to Brayden. Or is it Marco? Or Jaxyn? I fear I am having great difficulty telling them apart! Either ways, I boned one of them on top, so should not depart yet.

Chapter Five

As the snake in Eden, in this very paradise there is a succubus straight from Hell itself: Anna. She has her eye well on my Brayden, as I lamented in the diary room while calling her a bitch. But my spirit burns too bright for this Love Island, and I keep my eye on the 50k.

Chapter Six

Brayden and Anna’s close but scandalously false relationship caused me to fall into a terrible faint. I thought I might expire of the vapours, when a rough growl erupted from the sunken garden. It was Heathcliff, my love! He was not dead but had been coupled with Sally. ‘**** off Brayden, you milksop’ he said, whilst getting right up in his face.

Chapter Seven

Deserved winners, Heathcliff and I have engaged a celebrity PR firm while we take in the marketing opportunities. Ours is a passion that will last longer than the limestone which underpins the Yorkshire Moors. Or about four to six months while we get our book out.



Top 10 best and worst UK seaside resorts ranked for perfect beach getaways

Bamburgh in Northumberland, with a population of just 400, scored 85 out of 100 for its spectacular setting, sandy beaches and good value for money accommodation

Despite its small size, Bamburgh’s impressive castle dating back to 1120 was a winner with visitors who also admired the expansive beach.

The survey of 4,000 Brits by consumer watchdog Which? to find the UK’s best seaside resort put last year’s wooden spoon winner Skegness at the bottom of the pile again with a score of 48.

However, the Lincolnshire destination was seen as family friendly and one visitor called it “unpretentious”.

And Butlin’s which has a holiday park in the town leapt to its defence.

It said: “It is a lovely place to visit and enjoys enduring popularity for generations of holidaymakers.”

Other larger resorts in the bottom 10 included Weston-super-Mare, Somerset, and Ilfracombe in Devon.

Rory Boland, editor of Which? Travel, said: “The results of our survey show that bigger is rarely better, with smaller, less crowded resorts taking the top spots over better-known destinations.”


Top 10 best resorts

1 Bamburgh, Northumberland – 85 points

= 2 Dartmouth, Devon – 84

= 2 Tynemouth, Northumberland -84

3 St Andrews, Fife, Scotland – 83

4 Aberaeron, Ceredigion, Wales – 82

5 North Berwick, East Lothian, Scotland – 81

6 Rye, East Sussex – 81

7 Filey, North Yorkshire – 80

=8 Southwold, Suffolk – 80

=8 St Davids, Pembrokeshire, Wales – 80

=8 Swanage, Dorset – 80


10 worst resorts

1 Skegness, Lincolnshire – 48 points

2 Weston-super-Mare, Somerset – 55

3 Ilfracombe, Devon – 56

4 Margate, Kent – 57

5 Lowestoft, Suffolk – 57

=6 Worthing, West Sussex – 58

=6 Morecombe, Lancashire – 58

=6 Great Yarmouth, Norfolk – 58

=6 Colwyn Bay, Conwy, Wales – 58

=6 Burnham-on-Sea, Somerset – 58




“Everything in moderation, including moderation.”

– Oscar Wilde


Happiness is…avoiding “Love Island”.


In a shoe shop:

These shoes might be tight for the next two weeks.

Don’t worry. I’ll start wearing them on the third week.


Love is…not found on “Love Island”.


A time to read Emily Bronte…A time to read E L James.


7th July

1928 Sliced bread sold for the first time by the Chillicothe Baking Company, Missouri, using a machine invented by Otto Frederick Rohwedder. Described as the greatest forward step in the baking industry since bread was wrapped.

1956 “Hancock’s Half Hour” premieres as a TV show starring Tony Hancock and Sid James, written by Ray Galton and Alan Simpson.

1965 Otis Redding records “Respect”.

1990 First Three Tenors concert featuring Plácido Domingo, José Carreras and Luciano Pavarotti at Baths of Caracalla in Rome – recording of is world’s best-selling classical record.


Click the picture to read more.


Reflections of a Top Hit Record

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©2021 Phil M Robinson