EWAN 33 Months ADVENT MESSAGE BLOG
DAY 25 33 Months ADVENT MESSAGE BLOG
Phew, that was stressful. But he did remember my name and most of what I wanted and he hadn’t run out of presents. But I did not see him and he hasn’t left me a reindeer.
Day 22 EWAN 33 Months ADVENT MESSAGE BLOG
Went to my monthly Church Group today for the Christmas Party with Mum. Mamma just can’t partying so she came, too, she’s a real party animal you know.
As you know I am learning loads about life every single day. Of the many things I learned yesterday there was one thing that I could not understand. How come even my Church cannot resist jumping on the Christmas malarkey bandwagon? You’d have thought they’d be bigger than that wouldn’t you and not swept along with the crowd.
I don’t think Mum quite got the fancy dress right again. Do you remember she dressed me as a bee for Halloween? Bees at Halloween?
This time she dressed me as a lamb for a Christmas party. She could have dressed me as a Santa, Rudolf, an Elf, a Christmas tree or even fairy. But what has a lamb got to do with Christmas? Lambs aren’t even born until March.
Day 21 EWAN 33 Months ADVENT MESSAGE BLOG
I worry about Santa. He’s not content watching us through the CCTV camera he has in our house. I see the sensor red light show that he is watching all the time. Last night he actually came down our street on his sleigh playing music loud with his helpers knocking on people’s doors irritating them as they tried to watch Night Garden on Cbeebies.
Me and Brother Rory went out to see him, though. You have to don’t you. You cannot afford to jeopardise your chances. But there were a lot of things not right.
- Is Santa spending too much time making live personal appearances rather than concentrating on working on our lists, getting them right?
- He was still giving sweets because he’d already used his budget up giving gifts earlier in the month. Will he run out of sweets next, he’s giving a lot away?
- The music he played was over loud and to be totally honest a crap selection. Nothing but Christmas music. But no Jingle Bells and certainly nothing from Trolls or Madagascar. So with that taste what are the chances of us getting tasteful quality presents? If we get any, what will our gifts be like?
Day 20 EWAN 33 Months ADVENT MESSAGE BLOG
How come you are allowed to have Christmas dinner when it’s not Christmas Day yet you can’t have presents until Christmas Day? You can at Nursery because at Nursery everything is full of magic and they just say and it happens. So yesterday we had Christmas dinner. The best bit was the sausage. I ate lots and lots. Sausage is the traditional meal for Christmas Day.
When Jesus was born turkeys had not been invented and his dad Joseph said to his wife, Mary: “Mary, our baby has been born on Christmas Day and needs food, and we’ve not got any dinner for him, Duck.”
“Nip down to Aldi and get some sausages. Baby will chewing on them awhile. He’ll love it. Put a sprig of holly in it make it Christmassy for him, Duck.” Said Mary. And that’s what they did.
Mamma is old and had a senior moment and got it wrong. She called them Pigs in Blankets. I corrected her saying pigs are in mud. I didn’t like to say they weren’t pigs they were sausages. Making her think she’s got so many things wrong would shake her confidence and make her think she was going senile. Which she is but I am trying to protect her from realising it.
I took all the work home I’ve done at Nursery this term. Boy have I been the productive one and I’m not even paid for it. I produced a bag of reindeer food to leave for Rudolf on Christmas Eve. It had sparkly fairy dust in it. That makes him fly you know and makes his nose glow red. Mamma didn’t quite see the magic in it. It’s when you get old you know, the magic goes.
Day 19 EWAN 33 Months ADVENT MESSAGE BLOG
Santa is not a worker is he? We all know that. One day a year job. But I think he takes his personal appearances a bit too far. He’s very egotistic. He was at Brother Rory’s School Christmas Party yesterday.
Whose doing the preparation for the big night, then? He’s obviously delegated to the elves. I hope they know what they are doing.
There’s no wonder every time I see him he doesn’t know me or what I want and I have to tell him again. He’s too busy building the brand to take in what you say to him.
The good thing is it also distracts him from knowing if you’ve been bad or good. That is fortunately why in his letter to me he says I’m on the “Good List”. So let’s not knock. It is working for me.
Day 18 EWAN 33 Months ADVENT MESSAGE BLOG
We went to see Santa yet again yesterday at Clumber Park. He read us a story. I’m not too sure he should be spending time doing all these personal appearances to market the brand. He should be back at his workshop making our toys, checking and double checking his lists. So that he gets it all right.
And I remember this problem clearly from last year. I have seen him lot’s of times this year and written to him. I concentrate, look him in the eye and tell him clearly and exactly who I am and what I want for Christmas. But it’s very worrying, infact a major concern to me that every time I see him it is just as if he’s never seen me before. He doesn’t know who I am and definitely cannot remember what I want. He is worse than Grandad. So what are the chances of him knowing who I am and what I want on the night. Pillock.
Oooh! He won’t read this will he? No, no one reads this blog. He’s too busy to read blogs.
Day 17 EWAN 33 Months ADVENT MESSAGE BLOG
We went to see Santa on a steam train yesterday. I thought Santa came on a sleigh pulled by Rudolf but I think he is a steam train fanatic like Grandad. The train was a bit scary with loud noises and lots of smoke and steam and fire. Steam engines are really dragons in disguise.
Santa is like an owl or bat. He doesn’t like the light, he was in a dark bit of truck. He asked me my name and what I wanted but gave me something different. Typical grown up. But it was alright, a tractor and trailer and also a Thomas the Tank Engine colouring book and crayons.
Day 16 EWAN 33 Months ADVENT MESSAGE BLOG
Got a letter from Santa today. Not just one stuck up the chimney because we haven’t got a chimney. Our Postman delivered it. Grandad says the postman’s name is Pat. To be honest I think that is too much of a coincidence, but you have to humour Grandad.
Anyway, Santa rambles on a bit in his letter but basically he says I’m on the Good List at the moment. Phew. But its staying there that’s the problem. It is hard work. I’ll be glad when Christmas is over and I can go back to being my natural me.
The bit I don’t understand is Santa says in his letter to Rory that he is on the good list too. Is he real?
Day 15 EWAN 33 Months ADVENT MESSAGE BLOG
It must be Christmas because it is Strictly Come Come Dancing final tomorrow night. I think that’s why we celebrate Christmas because it marks the final of Strictly. This Nativity job is an add on just trying to score off it. Can’t wait. Will Granny Debbie McGee win! I hope so. I think my Granny could win it dead easy.
Day 14 EWAN 33 Months ADVENT MESSAGE BLOG
Yesterday was Mamma’s birthday. Mum and Dad sort my birthday and Brother Rory’s birthday. Most people’s birthdays are sorted by their mum and dad. But Mamma doesn’t have a mum and Dad, so who sorts hers?
I think, no one does or may be my Mum does it or Grandad does it.
Why do I draw those conclusions? Because it was her birthday yesterday and there was no presents and no party for her. My Mum can never sort the party for us on the actual day, so it could definitely be her. It could be Grandad, though. He’d just forget.
You know how we get the treat of going to a Wild Life Park, Aquarium or Thomasland on our birthday, Mum said Grandad was taking Mamma to see a Michael Ball and Alfie Boe Concert. I think that’s another pantomime. Poor old Mamma, she won’t like that.
Brother Rory’s Nativity was staged at his school yesterday. The nativity is a play, not a film or cartoon. A story acted out by real people about a baby being born in a stable. I wish I had been born in a stable instead of a boring hospital.
The Nativity play raised more questions than answers. Why wasn’t I taken to support my brother in his first quest for stardom? Why was I not offered a part in the nativity? They were quick enough to engage my services when they wanted a stooge in Brother Rory’s school photograph. They wanted me to be the Ernie Wise to his Eric Morecambe, Alfie Boe to his Michael Ball. Why couldn’t I be a horse in the stable? Or even a little angel. (Too easy for me to play as that is my role in life).Why did everyone go to see Brother Rory, even Granny and I was left all alone at nursery? No one came to see me. Why was Brother Rory an Innkeeper? Why does an Innkeeper look after stables? Why do Innkeepers sing “I am busy, very, very busy”? Shouldn’t they sing “I hear you knocking, but you can’t come in,” by Dave Edmunds No.1 28th November 1970?
If I’m not given chances to act at my age how will I ever win an Oscar?
Day 13 EWAN 33 Months ADVENT MESSAGE BLOG
Happy Birthday Mamma
I wish my Dad would get his Christmas ass in gear. I had
another cringe worthy totally embarrassing experience yesterday. I can’t take much more!
Mamma and Grandad took me home after I had looked after them for the afternoon. I begged them not to but they insisted. The problem is and I do not know how to properly put this into words. I’ll just have to say it straight no matter how much it hurts. We do not have any Christmas lights outside our house. There I’ve said it.
All the other houses on our street glow amazingly in the dark and I bet they can be seen from space. Mamma’s house is lit up so colourfully and all her neighbours are lit up too. But ours is as dark and dull and lack lustre as the inside of Grandad’s wheelie bin (the grey one of course) on a dull wet Monday morning before the refuse collectors call.
So when we got home I distracted them by running at top speed with my dinosaur straight into the kitchen, shouting “Chase me. Chase me”. I knew Grandad could not resist chasing after me. And then Mamma ran after him trying to stop him winding me up. So it worked they didn’t even notice we had no lights outside. Phew!
And I’d taken them straight to the kitchen where we had an impressive real tree. In the lounge the Christmas tree is not real. That means it’s a pretend one. If it is a pretend one it is not as good as a real one. My pretend dinosaurs, lions, wolves and horses are not as good as real ones because they can’t walk and don’t have. It’s the same with Christmas trees that are not real. So, I kept Mamma and Grandad out of the lounge.
Our lights go on and off again. I’m not sure whether the chip in the main board is faulty, whether it has been programmed that way or our power supply, due to all our TV and computer attachments, is overloaded.
But Grandad really thought it was a real ghost turning the power off and then on again. He screamed every time the lights went off and every time they went on again.
He’s a laugh a minute, my Grandad.
Day 12 EWAN 33 Months ADVENT MESSAGE BLOG
So as part of Mum and Dad’s Creative Christmas Countdown, last night we went to Linby’s Carol’s Around the Tree. Wonderful! Except I had to stand through all those carols waiting for my favourite Jingle Bells and they never sang it. How can they call it Carols Around the Tree and not sing “Jingle Bells. Crap!
Also I’m a bit worried about Santa. We went to see him, yet again. He must get p***** off seeing us all the time, we seen him so many times. I certainly get p***** off seeing him. All he gave us was a Quality Street, not a packet just one sweet. Now, I’m not three years old yet so I’m not fully conversant with Economics yet, but even I realise he’s f’d up his planning, infact that to me that says there was no plan. He’s peaked too early, do you know what I mean. So don’t hold out any hopes for Christmas this year.
Between you and me though, it’s bad isn’t it. How many years has he been doing it and he still can’t get it right?
Day 11 EWAN 33 Months ADVENT MESSAGE BLOG
Dreams really do come true. The thing I have seen so much of and always wanted more than anything else in the world is for it to snow for Christmas. It only happens in books, films and animations. Only once briefly and not very much has it snowed in my life, until yesterday. And it snowed loads.
So what did all my family decide to do? All of them Auntie NanNan & Uncle Col and Mamma and Grandad. Go Snowman and Snowdog building, play snowballing and sledging as you would expect. No, they decided to go to the Beauty and the Beast pantomime at the Theatre Royal, Nottingham.
And if you don’t know what a pantomime is it is a performance of Grandad jokes with some real live scary monsters thrown in, with loud music and bangs and it’s in the dark.
You didn’t want to be in there for long especially when there was snow outside. So I protested and Uncle Col took me around Nottingham to enjoy the snow and Christmas atmosphere and lights. Me and Uncle Col are the sensible ones of the family and of the same mind.
Day 10 EWAN 33 Months ADVENT MESSAGE BLOG
Christmas is here!!! Do you know how I know? Yesterday Mum and Dad took us to Iceland. No not the supermarket, the country, Iceland. Well it was there or the North Pole. Somewhere up North where there was real snow and a fair amount of it.
Snow is something I thought was made up because, except for once, in all of my 33 months of life (and even before) I’ve only seen it once. To me it only exists in story books, on TV, in films or in the Snowman and Snowdog animated film. But yesterday I played in the real thing at Santa’s country residence, Harwick Hall. We actually built a real snowman out of real snow and threw snowballs. So Christmas is here at last.
Day 9 EWAN 33 Months ADVENT MESSAGE BLOG
I do not think Christmas is coming to our house this year. Every house on our road has LED lights cascading all over them and lots of Christmas trees, well almost all. But we have nothing. Not even an ounce (that is 28.3495231 grammes if you are a decifile) of good cheer. Absolutely nothing. So much nothing it is embarrassing. What must Granny think when she comes? And Grandad David. And Auntie Debbie. And Mamma & Grandad, Auntie NanNan, Uncle ColCol , Cousin Freya, Cousin George, the Postman, the Amazon Delivery man and the refuse collectors. And of course Father Christmas. I am so embarrassed I run and hide if the doorbell rings. I shall be the little boy that Santa Clause forgot. But I’m not bothered I have broad shoulders. I am bigger than that.
Day 8 EWAN’S ADVENT MESSAGE
We went to Church last night to see The Blessing of the Christmas Tree. I did not see the relevance to Christmas though. There was no Santa and therefore no present for me. I was not even allowed to take the decorations from the tree. You can’t call that a Christmas celebration, can you?
Day 7 EWAN’S ADVENT MESSAGE
Had my Christmas Party at Nursery yesterday. Wore a jumper with Rudolf on the front. Does not fit when I give the same roar to Rudolf as my dinosaur or wolf T shirt. I need to get a new “Call sign”. I’ll try and wear it next time I see Grandad. He’s good at coming up with call signs or catchphrases that irritate people
Day 6 EWAN’S ADVENT MESSAGE
I’m beginning to question the genuiness of this guy, Santa or Father Christmas. First we visit a toy shop and Dad buys stuff and says it has to go to Santa. Like when presents come from Santa other people have to buy them then he gives them to you. The big meannie. And my dad allows that. He surprises me. I thought he was made of smarter stuff than that.Then we went to Rufford Park Santa trail. Instructions: Santa and his elves are celebrating the 12 days of Christmas at the North Pole, but as they came through the park they lost all their directions. Following clues, find your way through the park to the mill and collect your reward. What had he left, for all this effort, a fantastic Twirlywoo toy? No, one teeny tiny bit of chocolate. Bah, humbug.
Day 5 EWAN’S ADVENT MESSAGE
On our ceiling in some rooms at our house we have what I have always thought were burglar lights. Red lights that come on when there is a burglar in the room. I’ve always thought they were faulty because they come on sometimes when only I am in the room. But Dad says when the red light is on it means Santa is watching. On one hand it piles on the stresses in trying to remain good but on the other I question the legality of him infringing my privacy. It quite surprises me that my Mum allows it with her law degree and her leaning towards civil liberties law.
Day 4 EWAN’S ADVENT MESSAGE
Christmas has been put on hold in our house this weekend because Mum went away to celebrate Fairy Godmother Becky getting old. Why is it that when it is mine or Brother Rory’s birthday we are given a 2 hour party but if its Mum or her friends they get a two day holiday to celebrate their birthday. Anyway, whatever, Christmas appears to be on hold in our house.
Day 3 EWAN’S ADVENT MESSAGE
Everywhere is so exciting so many houses have LED lights all over the outside, so brilliant, but not ours. My Grandad David is a retired electrician and knows everything about LED lights so that means he’s passed it on to me and I do now. One thing I do not understand he says he knows a time when there was no LED lights. Tell me this, how did mankind manage to survive and exist in a world without LEDs?
Day 2 EWAN’S ADVENT MESSAGE
So this is supposed to be Christmas! I’ve not seen anything special about it yet. I think Father Christmas has been replaced by Meghan Markle this year. She seems to be everywhere. I hope she brings me some good presents. Mum got it wrong with the Advent calendar it has Santa and Rudolf on it but I think due to this year’s theme I need a Meghan and Prince Harry themed advent calendar.
Day 1 EWAN’S ADVENT MESSAGE
1st December, today feels very exciting. Only 24 sleeps until Santa comes. Does that mean anything to you? It doesn’t me. It still seems a long time until I get my horse. Me and Mum are celebrating the first day of advent in that age old traditional way, we are going swimming. I love advent don’t you?