EWAN AGED 4½ BLOGS ABOUT A BIG MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT
jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG Saturday 23rd November 2019
Hi, yes, it’s Ewan aged 4½ here and not pushing the ½ bit of the 4½ like George pushed his ½ of 3½. I was 4½ on 17th August. I had no party or cards. Did you see me complain? No!
To be honest I was 4¾ years of age on 17th November and I could have made a big thing about that being missed by one and all. But did I? No. And do you know why? Because I am a schoolboy and schoolboys stay cool and are not worried by such trivia.
Cousin George will be the same when he achieves school status. He is taking so long to get to school, an unbelievably long time.
But forget all this small talk. Did you hear the major announcement in the week?
I, that’s myself, Ewan John Monks, have been approached by my school to play an Angel in our School Christmas Play.
It caused major gasps of amazement in our family, and some doubt of my ability to pull it off.
Cousin Freya has been chosen to be an Angel in her school Christmas play, too. They say that is a role made for her. A bit of favouritism there I feel.
Only Grandad out of all the family thinks I am perfectly cut out for my role because I am an angel in real life.
What does sarcastic mean?
But I know why they have chosen me. School teachers are cool headed, switched on and intelligent beasts, who know what they are doing and what they want. I say that even though my Mum and Auntie NanNan are schoolteachers. But that does means I have a knowledge of the inner workings of a schoolteacher.
And a good schoolteacher (and even bad ones) will do anything to get a free holiday with a party thrown in and the chance to buy and wear a brand-new party frock.
What has this got to do with choosing you, Ewan, to play an angel in the school Christmas play? I hear you query.
Everything and more besides.
You see if my teacher had given me the part of a great 1st class international footballer to play in the school Christmas play there would have been no acting involved. That is who I am a great 1st class international footballer so I’d just go on stage and be me.
But cleverly she gave me the role of being an angel. You cannot get anyone further from being an angel than me. This means to pull it off I have to give one of the biggest acting performances of all time.
And I am up to pulling off that lifetime performance. That in turn means, and this is where my teacher is very clever to cast me in the role of an angel, my acting will have to be so incredibly good if I am to convince the audience that I am an angel. So, it cannot be anything other than an Oscar winning performance. Get it?
My teacher would have to accompany me to the Oscars at the iconic Dolby Theatre in Hollywood. That gives her a free holiday with a party thrown in and the chance to wear her brand-new party frock.
Crafty you see.
So, whose crown would I be stealing as youngest Oscar winner ever? Answer: TATUM O’NEAL.
Anna Paquin would be the youngest Oscar winner of all time, if not for Tatum O’Neal, who won the same award at age 10 — just a year younger than Anna Paquin, in 1974. She won the prize for her role in Paper Moon, which she starred in alongside her famous father, Ryan O’Neal. Paper Moon: Box office – $30.9 million Production Budget – $2.5 million.
As a point of interest Anna Paquin played the role of Flora McGrath in Jane Campion’s romantic drama film, The Piano (1993). For her performance, she garnered critical acclaim and received the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress at the age of 11, making her the second-youngest winner in Oscar history, The Piano: Box Office – US$140 million, Production Budget – US$7 million
Youngest Oscar Nominees
Actor: Justin Henry Age 8 For his role in the 1979 film Kramer vs. Kramer, a debut role that
earned him a nomination for the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor, when he was eight years old
Actress: Quvenzhané Wallis Age 9 For her role as Hushpuppy in Beasts of the Southern Wild (2012)
I love achieving things and this sounds like something worth achieving.
The only part to all this that I am a little concerned about is that I’ve done it all without getting myself an agent. A big mistake, I know. They say never take a part no matter how large or small, ever without an agent. People will take advantage of you.
And I think they probably have taken advantage.
I am signed up for the part, but I have no idea of the fee I am getting. Nor do I have details of world TV rights or repeat fees.
To be honest, money has not been mentioned at all. I was just told; you’ll be an angel and given a piece of paper to take home for my parents.
But everything happened so quickly. They catch you out by offering massive challenging parts. And, you feel flattered, you know what I mean.
Grandad will not be impressed on that bit.
But if I study Oscar winners like Olivia Coleman. The common factor with all Oscar winners seems to be that they study the character they are playing and get into their heads.
So, what is an angel? What do they do?
My research shows that an angel can sit on the top of a Christmas tree like a fairy. That can be a painful job with the top of a fir tree to sit on. But I can do it. They can also sit on the top of the stable in nativity scenes too.
Apparently, they delivered one of the most important messages of all time when they visited the shepherds tending their sheep and told them Jesus was born. I think because the shepherds were out on remote hills there was no signal for their phones, so someone had to go tell them. The angels were the only ones considered reliable enough.
Angels have wings and can fly. You can buy angel wings from Amazon. But Grandad says they will not help me fly. He says my teacher may put me on a cord to make me glide through the air.
Mamma told him not to be so silly. That wouldn’t happen due to Health & Safety. So, my job is to convince the audience I am really flying without flying properly. This is where my acting skills come in. The plus is I do my own stunts. Another reason I was probably chosen for the part.
And finally, apparently the biggest characteristic of an angel is that they are good! Really, really good.
That is where I come into my own. I am really, really good. I am really, really good at most things I do.
I am really, really good at football. I am really, really good at counting, now I am at school. I am really, really good at running. I am really, really good at riding my scooter. I am really, really good at reading especially about bats, hats, mats and cats and spelling my name and spelling ‘B-A-T’.
Oh dear, just a minute. Grandad says it is not that sort of good. It means being well behaved kind-a good. In Grandad’s words “Superbly and impeccably well behaved”.
Shit! I didn’t realise that. I do believe I’ve probably bitten off more than I can chew with this part.
I’d better go rehearse and rehearse hard. I’ve a lot of very hard work to do. Shit! Shit! Shit!
See you soon, Ewan.
INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE FOR THE DAY
“Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” – Joshua J. Marine
Happiness is…being enlisted to be an angel in a nativity play at school
GRANDAD’S ONE LINER JOKE OF THE DAY
Feeling pretty proud of myself. The puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months.
Love is… moments together to cherish
TRACK OF THE DAY
EVERYTHING I WANTED – BILLIE EILISH
Highest Chart Position: No.3 22 November 2019
WHAT DAY IS IT?
Saturday 23rd November 2019
Eat A Cranberry Day
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