EWAN AGED 4½ BLOGS: REVIEWING THE LAST 4 WEEKS
jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG Saturday 4th January 2020
Hi, Ewan here.
So that was Christmas? So, this is 2020?
That means it will soon be my birthday, a landmark birthday when I will be 5 years old and I can’t wait for it. At the moment Brother Rory is 7 years old and I am 4 years old. That means he is 3 years older than me. When I am 5 years old, Brother Rory will still be 7 years old. That means he is only 2 years older than me.
Yes, yes! I am catching him up!
Grandad says I shouldn’t be blogging about my birthday but concentrating on how I found Christmas. He calls it ‘Reviewing Christmas’.
To be honest I prefer looking forward in life and we all have to admit Christmas is over. It has all been packed away until next year. But doesn’t everywhere look so dull and boring and lightless. I hate January.
I wish it could be Christmas every day. Do you? I think I’ll write a song about that.
Although I like to look forward in life, I did enjoy Christmas so much, so I don’t mind extending it by blogging about it. You may initially say, as Grandad would, I don’t want to be reading about Christmas after the event. That I appreciate, but please consider my dilemma. I can only tell you about my Christmas after it has happened. If I have not had Christmas, I can’t tell you about it. As Christmas falls on 25th December and New Year 1st January that means I can not tell you about my celebrations until at least 4th January and that means still talking about Christmas after Christmas has passed which could be classed as boring. But if there is anything you can not accuse me of it’s being boring.
I did think of a brilliant solution. I could do it like TV and film companies do and have Christmas in the summer. That way we all celebrate Christmas in the summer. Then I will write about it in December. And everyone will want to read it. Although on second thoughts, that won’t work, because if everyone’s had Christmas in the summer, they won’t want to be reading about it in December.
The thing is you just have to get over it, man up, just accept it and read all about it. It’s not the end of the world reading about Christmas in January. It might help cure your SAD and January blues, although I doubt it. There is no cure for SAD and January blues. be warned it may add to them.
So where to start on such a brilliant Christmas as Christmas 2019.
The best place is that I starred with the rest of my class in the school nativity “Whoops a Daisy Angel”. Brother Rory was in “Gnome Alone” and Cousin Freya was in “Sleepy Stargazer”. I have to say my nativity was by far the best one I saw. Sorry, I just didn’t see the others.
I now just await the accolades and offers rolling in.
So let’s start by looking at some lists.
Talking best, here’s my Top 5 Favourite Christmas Presents
1 Pig Goes Pop (Pop Up Pig)
2 Angry Bird, from Brother Rory
3 Iron Man Tower
4 King Kong
5 Playmobile Farm (although its not quite dawned on me yet)
Whilst talking lists you will get a snapshot of how great my Christmas was by mr giving you a list:
MY TOP 33 BEST & WORST OF CHRISTMAS 2019 & NEW YEAR 2020
1 WORST CHRISTMAS THEMED THING: Brussel Sprouts
2 BEST CHRISTMAS THEMED THING: Chocolate Brussel Sprouts
3 BEST CHRISTNAS TREE AT ST MARY’S HUCKNALL FESTIVAL OF CHRISTMAS TREES: Orange Tree Nursery
4 BEST CHRISTMAS MEAL: Happy Meal at McDonalds
5 BEST CHRISTMAS ACTIVITY: Being an Angel in school nativity
6 BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT I DID NOT GET: Tablet
7 BEST SCHOOL NATIVITY: Ooops A Daisy Angel
8 BEST CHRISTMAS EXPERIENCE VISIT WEARING MY PYJAMAS: Polar Express Experience at Wensleydale Railway
9 BEST CHRISTMAS EXPERIENCE VISIT: White Post Farm Christmas
10 BEST CHRISTMAS SNOW EXPERIENCE VISIT: SnowDome, Tamworth
11 BEST CHRISTMAS SONG IN THE WORLD EVER… We Wish You A Merry Christmas
12 BEST SANTA IN THE WORLD EVER…: The one who came to me and Brother Rory
13 WORST CHRISTMAS PRESENT IN THE WORLD EVER…: Clothes
14 BEST ALTERNATIVE CHRISTMAS SONG: Jingle bells, grandad smells
15 BEST CHRISTMAS BIRTHDAY PARTY: Cousin Freya’s
16 BEST BOOK I HAD FOR CHRISTMAS: There’s a Bear on My Chair by Ross Collins
17 BEST TV PROGRAMME ON CHRISTMAS EVE: The Tiger Who Came To Tea
18 BEST TV PROGRAMME ON CHRISTMAS DAY: The Snail and the Whale
19 BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT BROTHER RORY HAD: Lego Land Rover
20 BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT COUSIN GEORGE HAD: Tablet, Spiderman aeroplane, Spiderman dressing up clothes
21 BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT COUSIN FREYA HAD: I suppose if I’m forced to choose, her doll (in her eyes)
22 BEST EVER CHRISTMAS BIRTHDAY PRESENT: Cousin Freya’s amazing new red bike
23 BEST CHRISTMAS DAY CHRISTMAS EXPERIENCE: Church. And Mamma insisting I and Brother Rory and Cousin George & Cousin Freya go there.
24 BEST EXCITING CHRISTMAS ADVENTURE: Staying awake to see Santa
25 BEST GRANDAD CHRISTMAS CRACKER JOKE: What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker!
26 BEST CHRISTMAS FILM: Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer (1964 TV animated film) There was also The Movie in 1998 Production Budget $10m Box office $113K (No that’s not an error)
27 BIGGEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT DISAPPOINTMENT: Not getting a tablet so me and Brother Rory don’t need to share one
28 MOST DISSAPOINTMENT OF CHRISTMAS 2019: No snow
29 BEST CHRISTMAS CIRCUS: Planet Circus presents Circus Rio at Hucknall
30 BEST CHRISTMAS PANTOMIME: Sleeping Beauty at Nottingham Playhouse
31 MOST FAMOUS IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD I WAS SO HONOURED TO MEET THIS CHRISTMAS: Optimus Prime at the circus – Can you believe I actually met Optimus Prime. It is 2nd time I’ve met him. We are fast becoming best mates. The only reason we did not X-Change telephone numbers is because I don’t have a phone.
32 MOST DISSAPOINTING THING EVER ABOUT CHRISTMAS 2019 EVEN WORSE THAN NO SNOW: Mamma not buying Christmas crackers for Christmas dinner, so we had no silly paper hats to wear. It meant Christmas dinner had that little bit of something lacking.
33 BEST & BIGGEST CAR BREAKDOWN NOT ONLY AT CHRISTMAS 2019 & NEW YEAR 2020 BUT EVER… Auntie Nana, Uncle ColCol , Cousin Freya & Cousin George’s Car Breakdown on Monday 23rd December 2019
The White Post Christmas Experience was really, really good. I was chosen to be a shepherd in the nativity and had to watch over the sheep. There was a real live lamb which was just one hour old. I didn’t have to watch over that. Anyway, it was a bit disappointing because by the time I was a shepherd it was two hours old, no longer so unique. But I still didn’t get to watch over him.
Brother Rory was a king, but it’s best being a shepherd, like Uncle Mark, just one of his jobs as a farmer. But we have no kings in our family. So why would you want to be a king.
Brother Rory got the best deal when it came to holding animals. He held a gentle little mouse. I got this ugly lively chick that wouldn’t behave or sit still in my hands. It just freaked me out.
When I went to see the White Post Santa, I had this cunning plan. You know how Santa always asks your name and what you want no matter how many times he’s seen you before. It so winds me up! He has a crap memory which would be ok if he accepted it and made notes. But he just can’t be bothered.
I decided to take advantage of the situation. I asked for something totally off the wall that I had never mentioned to him before. I asked for a Paw Patrol toy. That would test the system. Pay Santa back for keep asking me what I want and not remembering that or me. And would I get everything I asked for each time? We shall see. If so, I need to change my strategy next year and each time I go to see Santa ask for something different.
And did I get my Paw Patrol toy? I did but for some reason Santa left it at Grandad David’s house.
I was going to tell you about the fantastic time me and all my family had at the Nottingham Playhouse ‘Sleeping Beauty’ pantomime but I feared we’d get into the tedious “oh, no you didn’t” hackneyed routine. So, I didn’t. It’s all behind me now.
Something went majorly wrong this Christmas. They said there’d be snow at Christmas (They said there’d be peace on earth). Everyone knows a key ingredient to Christmas is snow. Look at any Christmas card, view any Christmas film, see any picture of Santa what do you see? SNOW! Why does Santa have a sleigh and not a white Transit van to make his deliveries? Because it always snows.
But there was none this year. I kept getting up and asking Mum and Dad when will it snow? But they were lost, they fobbed me off as they had no answers for me.
So, who was responsible for forgetting to make it snow? I suspect the weatherman or lady on TV. Heads will roll. When Boris gets back to work, he’ll have an enquiry to find who forgot to make it snow this Christmas. This is more serious than a naughty step or time out job, this will mean someone will have to go, yes, resign.
I explained how me, and Brother Rory were invited to hit the stage at White Post Farm due to our notorious acting ability. Well it obviously runs in the family because my Dad was invited on stage, or I guess it is into the ring at the circus. I know you’d expect him to be a clown, but he wasn’t. Yes, it surprised me too.
That day proved a day to settle my mind on something that has been troubling me since the day I was born. I still have twelve yearsish in general education and then I need financing through university. If I take up my chosen career as a professional footballer, I need financial support through the early years. My big concern which was causing me great anxiety and insecurity: what happens if my Dad loses his job?
The circus answered my prayers. If he loses his job, he can run away and join the circus.
The best moments at the circus were the clowns, the stunt motorcycles and meeting Optimus Prime.
Grandad said when he went to the circus when he was my age it was full of wild animals. That is silly and boring. Animals are for zoos and farms not circuses. You need motorbikes and Transformers for a good circus.
Apart from the circus and getting all my presents from Santa the best thing about Christmas 2019 was staying awake to see Santa come.
Yes, we put food and drink out for Santa and Rudolf. We went to bed. Oh, I forgot we changed into our pyjamas first. Oh, yes, even more important hung up our stockings. Now we went to bed. Mum read us a story and told us to go to sleep.
But I didn’t. I had a plan. I stayed awake. I was going to stay awake and see Santa and engage him in conversation and see if he really knew who I was.
I lay looking at the shapes and shadows on the wall. I looked at the silhouettes of all my toys and books and bedroom furniture. I lay reviewing life in general. Boy, this was so boring, the longest night of my life since Christmas Eve last year. Then, shhh! I know I heard him on the roof. I could see the red glow from Rudolf’s red shiny nose.
But then I woke up and it was Christmas morning. At first, I pretended to be asleep so that Santa came in my room but as I opened one eye. I saw my stocking was plump and filled with presents. I jumped out of bed so excited, shouted “He’s been!” to Brother Rory and set about my presents.
But what had happened there, then. I was wide awake and determined to stay wide awake, then at the crucial moment I fell asleep. Brother Rory didn’t see him either. I bet the crafty bugger has magic stardust to ensure you go to sleep and don’t see him.
This calls for severe measures next Christmas. Me and Brother Rory need to mastermind The Amazing Foolproof Santa Trap. At least we’ve got Grandad to test it on.
Oh, well, if you’ll excuse me, me and Brother Rory have important plans to draw up, urgently.
Happy New Year, Ewan.
©2020 Phil M Robinson