jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG 2nd September 2019

Hi Ewan, here.

Big day on Wednesday, I start school, but today is a big day too. It is my Mum’s birthday.

This fact poses a lot of questions and doubts to me.

Like my Mum chooses to have her birthday on the day that she, a schoolteacher, starts back to work after having five weeks August Summer holiday.

Why not have it at the start of the holiday or halfway through not on the day you start back to school/work. But she says she has to have her birthday on the day she was born, because everyone does do.

Ok, I accept that, but she should have thought that through before she was born and then made sure she was born on a good day. She should have done a bit of forward thinking, like, “If I’m born 2nd September that will mean I go back to work on my birthday”.

I thought it through and decided to be born on pancake day in February Half Term Week. Everyone was expecting me three weeks later. But I thought it through. I thought, I need lots of time to celebrate my birthday, so, I want it to be in Half Term holiday. Irrespective of when people were expecting me to be born, I was born when I thought the time was right on my terms. You see always thinking, me.

You are in the womb a long time, 9 months, giving you plenty of time to think these things through.

Problem is I bet Mum just spent the whole 9 months in the womb reading books and not thinking through her life plan.

Auntie NanNan got it right. She got borned on 26th August. A brilliant day. Usually August Bank Holiday Monday unless it falls on a Tuesday or a Friday or even a Saturday. But you can see her thinking even if she had not become a teacher she would still be holidaying from work.

The biggest worry I have about Mum’s choice of birthday decision is that she is My Mum. That means she is 50% of the team that is driving my life and my life plan and decisions for me and Brother Rory. Would you feel comfortable with someone who cannot make the vital decision on the correct day to be born having complete control of your life.

She is very, very old too. Ok, not as old as Grandad (or Mamma) who was born in the pre-dinosaur era. Not as old as Granny or Grandad David. But she is so old that when she was born there were only three TV channels BBC 1, BBC 2, and ITV. That explains why she lacks vision or imagination and stops me doing so many things. Like: Ewan, stop throwing, or Ewan, don’t jump on the stairs, or Ewan, go to sleep (when it is obvious I am wide awake).

When she was born there was no internet, no Netflix, no Lightning McQueen, no Catboy, no Paw Patrol, no YouTube no CD discs and no smartphones. Your photos you got from the chemist two weeks after you took them. All games were in boxes you bought from a toy shop and the only tablets around were ones you swallowed to make you better when you were ill.

Being My Mum she never hits the right day to celebrate mine or Brother Rory’s birthday, the party is always three days before or four days after, so you might be sure her party was not on her birthday. But that got me thinking. Mamma organised my Mum’s birthday party because your mum has to organise your party. My Mum does mine, my Mum and Granny organises Dad’s. Because Mamma is my Mummy’s mummy she organises my Mum’s party. But as she organised it the day before My Mum’s birthday, maybe that’s why My Mum never gets the right day because her mum never got the right day and so did not teach her properly.

Auntie NanNan made her a birthday cake but because she is so old we don’t put proper candles on. It would set the house on fire. So Mamma works through the night the night before her birthday party to make the same number of chocolate brownies as the number of years old she is.

The best bit about Mum’s birthday party day was that we went to Water Meadows for a swimming party. That was the best bit about Mum’s birthday. We went with Auntie NanNan & Uncle ColCol and Cousin Freya & Cousin George. That really was FUN with a capital F and capital U and capital N.

We went to Legoland at Windsor on Thursday and Friday. If I’d have done that for my birthday I would have been so thrilled and satisfied and that and a party would have been enough.

Not my Mum though. She always wants a little bit more and insisted on going to the cinema. There’s a new Angry Birds movie out. Surely whoever you are you have to see the Angry Bird II movie, surely you can’t resist it. But my Mum is weird she can.

Ok, so if you don’t go to see Angry Birds you would go to see Playmobil: The Movie. Am I right or am I not wrong? But not my Mum. Then there’s the new Spiderman movie. So many to choose from. But My Mum being My Mum chose Once Upon A Time in Hollywood a Quentin Tarantino film – Production Budget: $90 million. Box Office Worldwide: $244,270,321. As you can see a moderately successful film, but with a title like that it is obviously a fairy tale for the under 5s.

My Mum really has no idea of what is good.

Me and Brother Rory opted out of the birthday film. Brother Rory made immediate arrangements to have a sleepover with his school mate.

Cheers, Brother Rory, I don’t start school until Wednesday, so I ain’t got no school mates yet.

But Mamma and Grandad came to the rescue and put me up at there’s for the night.

But this is yet another reason why you cannot trust and rely adult judgement and in particularly parental judgement. My Mum opted for, as a birthday treat to go to the cinema instead of staying a night at Mamma and Grandad’s. How weird and stupid is that decision? Shows you just cannot trust the judgement of parents.

Another thing with My Mum, we went to my Cousin Imaani’s 3rd birthday party Saturday lunchtime. Why didn’t she have a shared birthday party with her. Both sides would have saved money, my Mum’s party would have been more exciting too.

And then the presents she chose: Books, books, and more books. Nothing wrong with that except the books she chose. None had any pictures in! That’s right, not one single picture.

She has four million identical ones and when I need her to do something vital for me, where my life is in danger,  like I need her to find my Green super truck she’s too busy because she just sits staring at the words on the pages of one of these books.

And then Mamma and Grandad bought her 6 place mats for the dinner table she had asked for, from the Rick Stein shop in Padstow. They were so new the staff had not even had time to list them on the internet. Is she real? That’s not a birthday present. It’s not a present full stop. It’s an insult. If it was my birthday they’d be on the internet pretty quick, in fact straight away… on Ebay. I’d turn them into money (assuming someone would even bother to buy them) and get something worth having.

But one great present, she has some Guylian luxury Belgium shell chocolates. The only good thing about Mum’s birthday. They are so delicious they are worth having to take time out for stealing.

Do you know my Dad is going to be in such big trouble and have to take time out after this birthday? He’s the chief present and card buyer for Mum’s birthday presents and cards for me, Brother Rory and him. Me and Brother Rory would buy our own for her but two things stop us. Not only are we not given money they won’t allow us to walk the short walk to the Co-op by ourselves to buy presents and cards and anything else we might choose. So, Dad has to provide the presents for us to give Mum.

But do you know he has made the biggest blunder. Wait for this, you just will not believe it. He has spent hundreds, probably millions of pounds on her birthday presents but, wait for it, this is so going to shock you…

HE HAS NOT BOUGHT HER, wait for it, ONE LEGO SET!!!!!!

Can you believe that, a birthday without a new Lego set? There is so going to be a big row and Mum will sulk for weeks. He’s got to pull something very special off to heal this one.

I’d better be off to baton down the hatches and await the explosion.



Ewan x




Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different – C S Lewis


Happiness is…having a birthday on 2nd September


I was a bookkeeper for 10 years… the local library weren’t too happy about it.


Love is… laughing together until you cry


Suddenly – Angry Anderson

Highest Chart Position: No.3 10th December 1988


September is READ A NEW BOOK Month

September is PIANO Month

Blueberry Popsicle Day

Calendar Adjustment Day

V-J Day

September is Hunger Action Month

September is Honey Month




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