jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG Sunday 8th September2019

Hi Big Boy Ewan, here.

Ok, cut the applause and cheering, I have well and truly started real, proper big school! At last.

That’s it I have signed up now I am locked into a contract of twenty long years in educational institutions. That is a long time. I have signed my life away. As it is such a long time I bet I will learn everything there is to learn in the world and in the universe more besides. So that means everything in Mercury, Venus, (Earth), Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune.

Did you know an easy mnemonic for remembering the order of the planets is “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Noodles.” You can quote things like that when, like me, you have an education.

To be honest I don’t know why everyone is getting all over excited and emotional about it. I certainly didn’t and I am not doing.

When I say everyone though, I really meant, Mum, Mamma, Granny, Auntie NanNan and Auntie Debbie… oh and Grandad (but only because he had to because Mamma made him). Brother Rory, Daddy, Cousin George, Uncle ColCol, Uncle Chris, Cousin Isaac and Grandad David are not. It is obvious why there is a difference. The emotional ones aren’t football fans, the unemotional ones are. It is as easy as that.

This was supposed to be the biggest event in my life since being born, but you know me, I ‘m so laid back and in control, I just took it in my stride. Going to school is a doddle after three and a half years of Nursery for 10+ hours a day with smelly, screaming kids doing my head in.

School is a nice tranquil affair where you can sit quietly and think and play.

I have to say school is a doss: you go there for 8.45am – not 7.30am and stay three hours until 11.45am, not 10 hours, until 5.30am. When you finish at 11.45am the rest of the day is your own to do as you please. I can live with that. A doddle.

I do have a few disappointments and reservations about school at the end of my first week. I started on Wednesday and have had 3 days so far. It seems like a lifetime But:

  1. I have not been taught to read fluently yet
  2. I have not yet been taught to write my own novel, biography or memoirs
  3. Or how to get an agent or publisher
  4. I have not been taught the Theory of Relativity (Einstein’s of course)
  5. I have been at school three whole days (well half days) and I still have not been taught The Meaning of Life
  6. They do not even have a copy of Leo Tolstoy’s War and Peace in the book box let alone read it to me or taught me to read it or given me a copy to read
  7. I have not been taught the offside rule in football
  8. Sex or sex education has not been mentioned once. Not on purpose or accidentally, even.
  9. Talk of same sex marriages has been so obviously with held from us
  10. I have been at school three whole days (well half days) and I still have not found a TV displaying the YouTube Channel or even a remote control for a TV.
  11. I have not even been given one piece of homework yet. I so want some homework. My experience of Brother Rory’s homework and reading of his school reading book is that nothing else matters. If Brother Rory is doing homework I have to be quiet and everything stops for it and all focus is on him. When I get homework the world will have to stop and focus on me and revolve around me. I cannot wait!
  12. I have been at school three whole days (well half days) and we have not yet had our official first school photo taken for Mum’s and Mamma’s and Granny’s to buy. Can you believe the inefficiency of that in an education system?


The toilets are blue by the way. It did take me by surprise. They are such a vivid blue that I will carry the visual impact of those blue toilets through life. When Mamma asked me what I thought of my first day at school I told her about the toilets being blue.

I have to admit I do not know how much I’m being paid for going to school. I leave that side of the business for my managers (Mum and Dad) to negotiate.

Some may be amazed how I have done the transformation from pre-school to Primary School so smoothly that you can’t even see the join.

For a start I have always been a big boy needing school. Why they didn’t allow me to start school at six months old I will never know I was ready.

Big Brother Rory is always lording it over me because he does things before me because he’s older than me. He always does things first, like go to Big School. Well not anymore, mate. I am now your BIG TIME equal!!!

But the main thing why big school was a piece of cake to me is because my Auntie NanNan and my Mummy are both schoolteachers, so I have been brought up in a school environment all my life. I have had school disciplines forced upon me, whether I liked it or not. Therefore, starting school was like going home. My teacher deals with me in the same way as my Mum does. That’s why some kids cry when they start school, but I am hardened to it all with 4 years training under that sort of regime.

Grandad as usual had a book to help me through starting school, “Going To School” by Grace Jones, published by Book  Life Publishing. But we are going to do a special Blog post about that another day.

Another book that was most helpful from Grandad was “How to Get Your Teacher Ready for School” by Jean Reagan (Author), Lee Wildish (Illustrator).

This was a very helpful book. As I am a caring child and come from a family of teachers I, more than anyone, knows how stressed up teachers get and how they lack confidence when they have to go out to face a class full of rowdy children they have never seen before. This book helps you to prepare your teacher so that they enjoy the experience.

And what’s in it for me? If my teacher is feeling calm and good about herself, she feels good and relaxed in the presence of her class, If she feels good and relaxed in the presence of her class (in my class), she will teach the class good and interesting things and everyone’s life (including mine) will be happier and more content.

It must have worked too. I was in my teacher’s presence for 9 hours in total during my first week at school, as was all my class and we never heard her swear once.

I think I have given you a good lowdown on the “biggest day of my life” so far – (what a non-event that was – almost as bad as the Millennium Bug) (Grandad added the Millennium Bug bit. What the f*** is he going on about – I do worry about him at times when he goes off at a tangent like that).

And best things about my first week at school:


  1. We had a carton of milk to drink
  2. We had currants to eat
  3. The toilets are blue
  4. I played lots on a scooter and there is no one bigger than me in the class to take it off me
  5. Brother Rory is not in my class
  6. I had a school dinner on Friday
  7. I only have to go 8.45am until 12.45am
  8. Two of my pre-school buddies are in my class
  9. My teacher
  10. Mamma & Grandad collected me at home time most days (Wednesday) Mum (Thursday & Friday)


But just one last point. The newspapers have been filled with just one thing this week that could ultimately affect the future of our country. You’ve guessed it Princess Charlotte starting school.

Why is that front page news. I did it and didn’t get or need the front-page attention. It’s not as if she’s a Love Island contestant or been in I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, or even Big Brother when it was on.

She’s a nobody.

She started at her brother’s school. Nothing newsworthy about that. So, have I.

She goes to Thomas’s Battersea in south London, where it is taught that kindness is as important as academic success. So does my school.

Thomas’s Battersea, believes in “praise as the greatest motivator”. Parents are told their children will be in an atmosphere which seeks positive relationships between pupils, teachers and parents. George, her brother who is six, started at the school in September 2017.

Change the names to me and Brother Rory and my school and you have my life, an identical story.

I bet her parents got her a better rate of pay for attending school than my parents got for me.

Not to worry money’s not everything.

I best be off, lots of learning to do, colour of toilets to think about.

Bye, Ewan


The key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering. – Bruce Lee


Happiness is…starting BIG school


My wife keeps telling me to stop pretending to be butter. But I’m on a roll now.


Love is…a happy wedding anniversary


Oh, Pretty Woman – Roy Orbison

Highest Chart Position: No.1 8th October 1964


Sunday 8th September, 2019

Star Trek Day


Pardon Day

Literacy Day

Actors’ Day




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