EWAN AGED 4 YEARS – REVIEW OF BROTHER RORY’S BIRTHDAY
jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG 5th October 2019
Hi Ewan, here
Boy, oh, boy, what a week I’ve had. I have had five major bad weeks to bear in my lifetime. I always get one every year and it is always Goose Fair Week. Do you know why?
Because it is Brother Rory’s Birthday Week.
You see during that week all the focus is on him, he dictates what goes on, and gets to choose all that we do as a family. He chooses what and where we eat, where we go, what we do. And all the birthday cards are for him, along with all the presents, all the money, all the cakes and all the parties.
Ok, you’ll say, like Mum and Dad do, you get to go to Smyths Toy Superstore when Brother Rory goes to choose his birthday surprise. Yes, but what a waste of time that is. I spend hours and hours looking around that store. Hours of my life I will never get back. Even though it’s for Brother Rory’s birthday trip. I analyse and gradually make eliminations until I know exactly what I want. It’s not easy you know, especially with so much choice. And then all Mum and Dad says is you’ll have to tell Santa.
What a waste of time it is telling him. I remember from last year, he’s so old he cannot even remember your name and asks you what it is every time you see him because he’s forgotten. He’s worst than Grandad, so how’s he going to remember what I want for Christmas?
Going back to Brother Rory’s birthday, at least when I was younger, I used to get a sympathy present, but now everyone says I am a big boy and can understand it’s not my birthday and don’t even need a sympathy present. What a load of bull shit is that.
Do you realise I have to wait 84 sleeps before its Christmas, and I get some gifts and 137 sleeps for my own birthday where I get my own back with my birthday celebrations? I could be like a hedgehog and hibernate and wake up Christmas Eve in time to hang up my stocking then there would only be two sleeps until Christmas. But it would waste a lot of life opportunities.
Although most of the birthday celebrations are thankfully over, we still have the evil Big Day out experience that Brother Rory chooses. And ok, I do admit I will love it, but because it is Rory’s birthday Big Day Out Experience Celebration I have to complain and make out I do not like it.
Grandad says I have to look on the bright side, be happy for my brother. I say to Grandad that he has a brother. Did Grandad used to be happy when it was his birthday? Grandad says, “No, but that was different.”
He says in those days Grandad and his brother used to have to get up at 4 o’clock in the morning, clean the lake out, sweep a couple of chimneys, and take 24 rounds of newspapers before going to school. On his birthday his brother was given a day off. So, Grandad says, I know exactly what it feels like for my brother to get one over me.
I sometimes worry about what goes on in Grandad’s mind.
Last Sunday was Brother Rory’s Party at the Trampoline Shop. Mum had organised it so obviously she missed choosing Rory’s actual birthday for it. But she was closer than most years.
If I let you into a secret you won’t tell Brother Rory, will you? But I did actually enjoy the party. It was good bouncing around like Hare in the Grey Rabbit stories and there was loads to eat and drink afterwards.
If you remember last year Spiderman came to Brother Rory’s party. He was the real Spiderman because only the real Spiderman can do back flips like he did. Grandad can’t, but that’s not surprising, he struggles to stand up at times. Uncle ColCol can’t, Uncle Chris can’t and not even my Dad can and he can usually do everything. So, you can see why that is proof it was the real Spiderman.
But Spiderman didn’t come to Brother Rory’s birthday party this year. I think he was probably sulking because Brother Rory did not have a Spiderman themed birthday cake.
The cake he had was weird. It was a car badge. An absolute brilliantly made cake far better than anything you see in Bake Off or Greggs. It was an Alfa Romeo car badge because Rory loves Alfa Romeos. It was so authentic. I thought it was a real car badge that had just been lifted from a car until I ate a piece and it was delicious cake and icing.
You’d think if he was having a car theme, he’d go for Lightning McQueen from Disney Pixar’s cars film. But that’s my Brother Rory for you, boring.
Having said Spiderman turned up when Brother Rory had a Spiderman birthday cake, you’d think an Alfa Romeo car would turn up for his birthday party if he had an Alfa Romeo cake. But no, it didn’t. However, it was pouring with rain on the morning of Brother Rory’s party. May be that put him off.
I remember for my birthday party, I had an Angry Birds cake. I expected an Angry Bird to turn up, but it didn’t.
Grandad said there was an Angry Bird already there, Mamma. He got into major trouble big time for that remark and had to take time out on the Naughty Step.
Grandad spends more time than me in time out and on the Naughty Step, especially now I am at school and have to be a good boy.
Grandad says he doesn’t mind. It gives him time to sit and think up stories and that is what makes him such a literary genius. To be honest I think he sleeps when he is in time out and that’s why he is not a literary genius.
On Brother Rory’s actual birthday, we had to go to school. Serves him right for having a birthday and me not having one. Afterwards we went to Granny’s house and celebrated Brother Rory’s birthday with her and Auntie Debbie. At least they sympathise with me and my dilemma.
We then went to McDonald’s for Brother Rory’s Birthday McDonald’s Tea with Cousin Freya and Cousin George. Do you know what I did? I pretended it wasn’t Brother Rory’s birthday but just an ordinary McDonalds tea. It was brilliant, it was fantastic and such a relief to get away from the pressure of constant focus on Brother Rory’s birthday.
The respite was amazing but didn’t last very long. We were soon home giving Brother Rory even more presents from Auntie NanNan, Uncle ColCol & Cousin Freya & Cousin George and Mamma and Grandad. And yet another birthday cake. How many cakes does it take to celebrate one 7th birthday? And with it yet another tedious rendition of “Happy Birthday”?
Today, Warner/Chappell earns an estimated $2 million per year ($5,500 per day) from royalties and licensing fees related to “Happy Birthday”. Over its lifetime so far, Happy Birthday has generated an estimated $100 million in royalties. I can see why when you look at the number of times, we sing it to Brother Rory.
Oh well time for bed lets quickly get another sleep out of the way to bring Christmas and my birthday closer.
Just before I go though I do have even more bad news. A new film opened yesterday titled “Joker”. It is about Batman’s arch enemy the Joker, the DC Comics villain. The film cost between $55m and $64m to make and is expected to be a huge Box Office success. I am banned from seeing it. Don’t ask me why. I just want the world to know about the repressive childhood I am being forced to endure.
Oh well. Bye Bye.
INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE FOR THE DAY
If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.
Happiness is…your brother’s 7th birthday
GRANDAD’S ONE LINER JOKE OF THE DAY
Attention Walmart Shoppers: Dress for the body you have, not the body you want.
(Obviously an American joke. To anglicize it change Walmart to Tesco)
Love is…when a lifetime is not enough
TRACK OF THE DAY
I’ll Be Home – Pat Boone
Highest Chart Position: 1 16th June 1956 (for 5 Weeks)
WHAT DAY IS IT?
Saturday 5th October 2019
WORLD TEACHER DAY
Chic Spy Day
Card Making Day
Country Inn Bed and Breakfast Day
Balloons Around The World Day
©2019 Phil M Robinson & jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk