EWAN’S BLOG – 2 ½YEARS OLD Christmas 2017 Reveiw

EWAN’S BLOG – 2 ½YEARS OLD  Christmas 2017 Reveiw

So, that was Christmas.

This was my third Christmas and the best one yet. I suppose anything had to be better than last year’s main present German measles for me. The first year I drank bottles, pooed and slept. Grandad says that’s what Christmas is all about. He has had 68 and they’ve all been the same as that but with a bit of TV.

So it is all down to me to review Christmas 2017.

Let’s start with the Top 10 best things:

  1. All the presents Santa left me

2              Rudolf

3              Seeing all the reindeer at White Post Farm

4              Cousin Freya’s Birthday and Birthday Party

5              Going on a steam train

6              Pigs in Mud (This is so funny, Mamma is old and senile and calls them “pigs in blankets”.

Have you ever, ever seen a pig in a blanket. No and no one else has except Mamma.

7              Leaving Mince pies for Santa and Carrots and reindeer food for Rudolf.

8              Finding Santa had been Christmas morning and opening presents.

9              Jingle Bells – (The song)

10           The Snowman and Snowdog

11           When it snowed

12           Hanging up my Christmas Stocking

13           Sausages

14           A White Post Farm Christmas

15           Nursery Christmas Dinner and Christmas Party


The number of times I saw Santa:

1              White Post Farm

2              Midland Railway Centre on the Steam Train

3              Clumber Park Santa Story time

4              Hardwick Hall

5              Carols Around the Tree, Linby

6              Rufford Park

7              Nursery Party

8              Rotary Sleigh coming specially to our house

9              Linby & Papplewick Churches Christmas Fayre

10           Sherwood Pines



10 Things I positively hated about Christmas

1              Mum and Dad forcing us to go to sleep Christmas Eve Night.

2              My Brother Rory not caring enough to buy me a Christmas card with a picture of Rudolf on the front.

3              Staying awake for hours and hours waiting and looking for Santa. Then falling off to sleep and he came. What a B******. He does it on purpose – waits for you to sleep and then brings your presents.

4              Santa did not leave me a real live reindeer. We’ve got real live fish in the garden, Surely, asking for a real live reindeer to keep in the garden shed is not asking too much?

5              Not getting Rory’s presents. Every Christmas Rory gets the best Christmas presents and he won’t let me play with them.

6              There was no snow! Who let us down there, then. It sounds typical of the Tesco inefficient service if Cousin Freya’s birthday cake is any thing to go by.

7              We don’t have a chimney so Santa couldn’t get stuck in it. That would have been so funny, “Achoo, achoo, achoo.”

8              The pantomime. Christmas is a big enough pantomime at our house without paying good money to sit in a darkened theatre, be bombarded with pathetic one line jokes horrible loud noises scary images and a dire plot. Purely horrendous.

9              Jingle Bells did not make Christmas No.1. Why? Did no one have the spirit of Christmas

10           I missed the Queen’s Speech on TV. No.1 Christmas TV programme on Christmas Day so it must have been so funny and entertaining and I didn’t see it. My Dad doesn’t like it. I think she swears too much for him. Or was that No.2 most watched TV on Christmas Day, Mrs Brown’s Boys? I get them mixed up they both old ladies, very assertive and head up a key family, just like Mamma.

One of my strangest adventures to do with Christmas was with Mum, Mamma and Grandad. I had to Grandad sit Grandad in the back of the car. That’s funny but a lot of responsibility; he gets into do much mischief. He is so naughty.

We visited Tescos, the cemetery and the crematorium. It was all to do with Mamma’s Mum and Grandad’s Mum. We took these flowers, wreathes and diddy trees. But they must have been out because we did not see them. I never have I think they must work a lot.

I was very disappointed because at all three locations there was no Santa, no Rudolf or reindeer and no Christmas lights. How miserable they all were. At the crematorium I saw a chimney with smoke coming out of it. Mum didn’t seem to want to talk about it. I hope they put the fire out before Santa went or he’d get a burnt bum and that would put him in a bad mood for when he came to leave my presents.

So when does Christmas end?  I suppose when I’ve opened all my presents. I still have loads. Present opening is so exhausting, don’t you think. And Santa now has 11 months off with nothing to do.