jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG 2018


Hello Ewan here.

The only thing worse than your older brother having a birthday is…

…that is just it, there isn’t anything worse than your brother having a birthday.

My Brother Rory’s birthday was last Tuesday 2nd October. We started celebrations with a party last Saturday 29th September and the celebrating has gone on and on and on and looks as though it will monopolise this weekend too.

Every day he is the centre of attention. Every time someone comes they bring him gifts of Lego, a multitude of books and DVDs and money and make a huge fuss of him. And ignore me. It is so wrong.

Nobody brings me anything. They are all so inconsiderate. It is a good job I am a solid well balanced child or all this attention on my brother could affect me permanently for life. But fortunately I am bigger than that. With the family I’ve been born into you have to be made of tough stuff to survive.

I’ll just give you a quick resume of celebrations. It may not seem quick to you because I am writing it in real time to demonstrate how tedious Brother Rory’s birthday celebrations are.

Saturday night 29th 6-8pm we kicked off celebrations partying hard at “Squiggles”

What is “Squiggles” I hear you query?

Squiggles Playden says: “We are based on Aerial Way in Hucknall and are open 7 days a week and 362 days a year.

We provide a safe and fun environment for all children up to the age of 12. We have a separate area for all children 4 and under, and an exciting play area for the over 4s. Food and drink are available daily for adults and children from our 5 star rated kitchen.”

And for parties: “Squiggles Playden is a superb venue for your child’s birthday party. You will have your own dedicated room and party host.

We offer a variety of packages and options, all of which include a party bag and balloon for each child attending the party.

We believe we offer the best value for money parties of any local venue.”

I have to say it was amazingly exciting too except all the attention was on Brother Rory and no one bothered about me…

…except that is Spiderman.

Yes, that’s right, Spiderman himself. The REAL Spiderman. He was able to, from a standing position, jump up in the air do a double somersault and land on his feet where he started fron. Only a spider(man) can do that.

Spiderman is like a spider in other ways too, the way he climbs, also he knows if you are scared of him or not. I wasn’t scared of him or spiders and like a spider he respects me for that.

Spiderman coming to Brother Rory’s party shows how important Brother Rory is. I felt sorry for all the other children in the world who didn’t get an invite to Brother Rory’s party. If they tried to watch a Spiderman film or a video or see him on TV, Netflix, YouTube or the computer on Saturday night they would have been disappointed. He would not have been there because he was at Rory’s birthday party!

He played games with us the way only spiders(man) can. And at the end he gave us all a massive balloon and party bag. I love Spiderman. He’s my favourite Superhero.

Brother Rory got lots of cards and presents, and he got even more on other days and actually on his birthday and every day afterwards and he’s still getting them. He has had trillions, no it must be zillions of one pound coins. I’m not sure why he’s so happy about that. What are they good for apart from jingling a jangle? My brother is unreal, wanting coins.

But don’t tell anyone about his treasure. It’s a security issue. Mum says we don’t want burglars to know we have trillions of pounds.

Worse than that though is the fact that he has been given 10 different Lego sets which he keeps to himself and won’t let me build! If I have something new Mum and Dad really push the sharing issue. If I don’t, which is common, it’s a naughty step job. All that goes out of the window for Brother Rory’s birthday. And he even has the Lego Kids ‘NinjagoË – Stormbringer’ Blue Dragon Set 70652. I so want that.

The problem is when you are the youngest they never let you be first to do anything. It’s always all been done before by the time I get to do it. I want to be first to do things, especially with the Lego Kids ‘NinjagoË – Stormbringer’ Blue Dragon Set 70652.

One good thing is I think I am catching Brother Rory up in age. See if you agree with me.

When it was Brother Rory’s birthday last year he was 5 years old and I was 2½ years old. He was exactly twice my age.

So, I thought this year, one year later, I am 3½ years old, so he will be twice as much which is 7 years old. But he’s not he’s only 6 years old. So I’ve caught him up by 6 months.

If that happens every year through life when Rory’s 12 years old I will be older than him. I can’t wait. Then we’ll see who does things first.

Grandad says numbers are funny old things, you can make them say anything you want. He’s a bit old you know and gets mixed up and so, I think he means “words” not “numbers”. You can get words to say anything you want.

On his actual birthday Brother Rory had more money, more presents and even more Lego. What did I get? Nuthin’, absolutely zilch. But we went to McDonalds, so that helped soften the blow And Cousin George and Cousin Freya came with us. That helped me a lot because I realised I was not the only kid being excluded from presents and attention.

It is amazing, though, when you think you are at your lowest how things just come out of the blue to lift you.

Unless your birthday falls in school holidays, on a Saturday or Sunday or an inset day or on any other day you do not have to go to school for any reason, then, you have to go to school on your birthday and for every day of your birthday week. Tee-hee, ha, ha, ha!

On the Thursday of Rory’s birthday week Rory had to go to school. Serves him right for having a birthday, and I got to go to Mamma’s and Grandad’s house.

Glory, halleluiah. I was the focus of attention once more and no one does the focus of attention better than Mamma and Grandad.

And they just know how to give you the time of your life, the most amazing ever days out. I was so excited. The best day out in the world, just solely for me and me alone, and in Rory’s birthday week. Yes!

So, when we got to Sainsbury’s at Kimberley. Ok, but they are old and don’t understand excitement, they don’t get out much so it is exciting for them. All the glitter and lights and products on display and the loud announcements over the tannoy lift them from the humdrum routine of daily life and puts a little smile on their face. And Grandad loves to flirt with the till lady or gentleman and always has a granddad joke to brighten their day.

Normally, I hate Sainsbury shopping. But this was brilliant. No, I am not a sad b******.

First there was a Roary racing car there, full size for me to ride in. I had been watching Roary the Racing Car on DVD before starting out. I love it so much. The only thing that annoys me is that it’s named after Rory. That because Rory is the eldest and was born first. If I had been born first it would have been called Ewan the Racing Car.

Mum and Dad’s lack of education shows there too. Notice how the makers of Roary the racing Car used the correct spelling of Roary. Mum and Dad left the ‘A’ out. Thickos.

When I had finished there was a Thomas the Tank Engine ride at the side. I wanted to go on that but The Meanies, Mamma and Grandad said £1 was too much. We should have brought Rory’s hoard of pound coins and I could have had a zillion rides.

Grandad then came up with his biggest Grandad joke of all time. He wanted me to sit in the shopping trolley. I told him I’m a big boy now, that’s for babies. But really I didn’t want to do no food shop.

Whilst Mamma shopped me and Grandad to survey the Halloween merchandise, the comics and the toys. It was like being in Smythes, Mr Entertainer or the Disney Store. Ok, it was not as magical as the Disney Store.


Everything I wanted to buy, or should I say I wanted Grandad to buy for me, he said ask Santa for it. But there are 82 sleeps until Christmas. That is a lot and a long wait when in my whole life I’ve only had 1,083 sleeps in total, so far.

He said I could have just one thing. At one stage I had Cat Boy’s blue car at £24.99 in my hand and carried it around for ages. At some stage, however, that somehow magiced into a Halloween light that makes weird noises costing £5.

Since getting back home I have thought deeply about that, how did Grandad, subtly manage to turn a £25 car into a £5 light without me knowing. Grandad’s obviously a magician, wizard or a witch or I suppose it’s just part of day to day grandparenting skills.

It does not take away from a brilliant life experience day. Going to Sainsburys was an Oasis in the dessert of Brother Rory’s birthday.

The next thing we are doing to celebrate Brother Rory’s birthday is visiting West Midlands Safari Park.

That is always good for a laugh as the animals beat up and dismantle Dad’s car. I think the elephant will sit on the bonnet to stops us to allow the rhino to charge us and try to tip us over whilst the lion bites into our tyres and the baboons steal the windscreen wipers to use as swords and have sword fights with each other.

The fun bit will be when Rory wants to kidnap a monkey and take it home in the backseat of the car.

Dad will say, “No, Rory!”.

And Mum will say, “Let him, it’s his birthday.”

And Mum always wins, That will be so funny, as long as it sleeps in Rory’s bed or Mum and Dad’s bed and not mine.

Best go and get ready, don’t want to miss that adventure.

Bye dee, bye. Spidie, spie. No-birthday Boy, Ewan.


If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent read them more fairy tales – Albert Einstein


Happiness is…Rory’s birthday celebrations


I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoeslast week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs. – Peter Kay


Love is…when you are in it together


A Star Is Born – Barbra Streisand

Highest Chart Position: No.3 28th May 1977




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