jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG  23rd September 2018


Hi Ewan here.

With this week’s post you will think Ewan, that’s me, is grumpy. You will say surely that is not like Ewan, the happy go lucky, smiley faced little fella we are used to, that doesn’t let anything bother him.

I make no apologies for that. Sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself and be counted, man up, and do what you gotta do, no matter how much it hurts people. I am sorry.

Grandad taught me that in his 2,745, 912 tips for toddlers to get you through life. It is high on the list too, No.311.

So, stand by your beds here goes.

The biggest problem in life to a toddler, that is me and Cousin George is not our Mums, or Dads, or nursery, or not being allowed a smart phone or not even being banned from the internet and not even not being allowed to sit in Mummy or Daddy’s driving seat in the car to drive anywhere.

The problem is “AGEISM” – you will find ageism covers all the above. We are restricted from doing them all, in fact anything and everything we try to do in life because of our age.

I know Cousin George and me have complained bitterly about this in previous posts, because it is a major problem to us toddlers.

The problem is this, as a movement us toddlers are not organised enough. No one seems to have the initiative and resources to motivate us and put a national, no, international campaign together to Eradicate Ageism Against Toddlers Forever (called EAATF for short. See we can’t even come up with a logical word for it.)

Look at Feminism, Animal Rights and the Suffragettes. All had a properly organised campaign with someone fronting it .And they changed the world.

So, what sparked me off and made it such a big issue this week. Let me tell you.

It was just an ordinary quiet Tuesday afternoon. Mamma and Grandad had picked me up from Pre-school Nursery. I was very happy and content with life, looking after Mamma and Grandad can be a doddle. A bit of a laid back job. Mamma’s easy and does every think you want. Grandad’s a bit more cantankerous and loads of trouble. But he was having a quiet day. Anyway a seasoned toddler like me knows exactly how to deal with him.

I lay leisurely drinking my bottle. At three and a half years old? I know, it’s Mamma, she’s an easy touch. I can’t waste that fact. I watched Madagascar 2, the film, on TV. Life could not get any better. The living really was easy.

But then Big Brother Rory came home from school and my world went pear shape and was blasted apart, like a poo explosion without a nappy.

Mamma and Grandad gave him, wait for it, a “Lego ‘Ninjago – Street Race Of Snake Jaguar’ Master Of Spinjitzu Set – 70639”

Yes, you read that right: a “Lego ‘Ninjago – Street Race Of Snake Jaguar’ Master Of Spinjitzu Set – 70639”


And then Rory and Grandad went off into the dining room, ignoring me and began to build it.

I went to help.

Brother Rory said, “No you’re too young, Ewan. It’s for older boys.”

He made a motorcycle and I reached out to play with it.

Brother Rory, Grandad and even Mamma ganged up on me and said, “No, it’s too old for you, Ewan. It’s Rory’s.”

I was out on my own but I was capable of taking them all on for my cause, and I had to do otherwise you get s*** upon.

“But, Mummy says Rory has to share with me.” I protested loudly. Where was Mummy when I desperately needed her.

I had a major meltdown. Is anyone surprised? The situation was wrong on so many levels:

1              Why had Rory been given a lavish present and nothing for me – Because he is older than me

2              Mamma pointed to the age range on the box of 7-14 years old.

That’s Ok, and I would have accepted it if Rory was 7 or 8 or 9 or 10 or 11 or 12 or 13 or 14, but he’s not, he’s not even 6, he’s 5.But he was given it – Because he is older than me

3              Mummy says we have to share everything. But that doesn’t seem to apply to Rory – Because he is older than me

4              I already had an issue about Lego Ninjago because Mum took Rory to see the film (Budget $70 million   Box office  $123.1 million  Released September 2017 and didn’t do quite as well at the Box Office as expected. Serves them right they should have let me go) –  at the cinema and not me – Because he is older than me

(I did not protest at the time and you can just see where it got me, it all becomes compounds, they think I’m not bothered if I don’t complain)

5              Big Brother Rory is a pain – Because he is older than me

I did a jigsaw to keep Mamma happy and I thought can I get this matter to the European Court of Human Rights before Brexit kicks in?

When Mamma and Grandad took me home I protested to Mum and Dad very loudly thinking they would sympathise and justice would be done. But can you believe it I ended up on the Naughty Step?

So get this: Rory gets a gift out of the blue for no reason, I am not given one, for no reason. I suggest, nicely that Rory shares his gift and I am put on the Naughty Step because of ageism, I’m younger than him.

Ok, I can take it, I’ve had a lot of Naughty Step experience. But can you explain grown-ups’ logic because I can’t? So, I protested very loudly. You have to make a point otherwise you get put upon (but I was put upon, anyway, the naughty step.).

Fast forward a day to Thursday. Mum and Dad are obviously feeling guilty about their actions. After swimming on Thursday morning I am taken to Mamma and Grandad’s for the day as a bonus look after them for a day rather than be stuck at home with the strict discipline of Mum (You do know it’s no fun having a Mum who doubles as a teacher equally it is no fun having a teacher who doubles as a Mum, or so Brother Rory says, I don’t know I’ve never had a teacher yet, but I do have a Mum who is one. Scary.)

After Mum and Dad had gone, Mum and DAD – just realised that, Dad at home in the day on a Thursday. Shouldn’t he be at work? I bet he and Mum had a day at Legoland or White Post Farm without taking us. Sneaky blighters, eh?

But, after Mum and Dad had gone Mamma gave me a brand new Lego set: “Lego Kids ‘Juniors – Incredibles 2’ Set – 10759”.  On the one hand it was not bad, aged 4-7 years old and I’m only 3 that’s looking good. It had a helicopter, a motorbike, a helicopter landing pad and 2 Incredibles figures. The only down side was it was Incredibles 2 and in another major ageism incident that I had quietly ignored my Mum had taken Big Brother Rory to see this film at the cinema (Budget $200 million Box office $1.184 billion) and did not take me, but it looks as though they made enough without my admission fee.

But I’m big enough to see beyond that and it was now pouring with rain outside So me and Grandad had a brilliant afternoon building the helicopter, motorbike, helicopter landing pad and the 2 Incredibles figures, and I spent a couple of hours playing with them before going home.

Yes, I was proud of my new Lego.

Once home I showed Big Brother Rory the new Lego, in fact I gave it to him to play with because I am generous that way. Actually it was part of my big plan, my ploy to test out the system. Let him play with my “Lego Kids ‘Juniors – Incredibles 2’ Set – 10759” and I dashed to get his “Lego ‘Ninjago – Street Race Of Snake Jaguar’ Master Of Spinjitzu Set – 70639”, to put my ageism theory to the test.

It worked! I was stopped from playing with Big Brother Rory’s Set and he didn’t want to play with mine, too young for him obviously. And I ended up on the Naughty Step again! How’s that for blatant ageism.

I have to stamp it out before it takes over the world.

So,sorry, would you just excuse me whilst I make a start. I have a lot of melting down to do – well, have you got any other suggestions on how to stop it. It is the only effective way I know.

Bye Bye, Ewan.



We make realities out of our dreams and dreams out of our realities. We are the dreamers of the dream.

Roald Dahl


“In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different.” -Coco Chanel


Happiness is… a “Lego ‘Ninjago – Street Race Of Snake Jaguar’ Master Of Spinjitzu Set – 70639”


A bloke asked me the other day if I’ve lived in Nottingham all my life?

 I don’t know yet. Was my honest reply


Love is…being happy with him/her whatever they do



Highest Chart Position: No.1  21st September 2018

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