jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG 29th June 2018


 Hi Ewan here.

Mums are very forgetful people.

Everyone in the world knows that Mum does not go to work on Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday. I know it, Brother Rory knows it, Dad knows it, Grandad David knows it, Granny knows it, Auntie NanNan knows it, Cousin Aisha knows it, the Coop lady knows it, the Tesco delivery man knows it and My Mum knows it or should do.

But she clearly doesn’t.

Last Thursday she got me and Brother Rory up from our beds, we got dressed, had breakfast and we took Brother Rory to school, the normal Thursday morning routine. Great I thought now it’s off for coffee at Costa.

As an aside it puzzles me why we say “We are going to Costa for a coffee,” when it’s clearly milk. Well, it tastes like it to me. Why don’t we say “We’re going to Costa for a drink of milk,”?

Grownup peculiarities again.

Anyway, back to my subject in question: but we did not go to Costa. Mum was obviously totally confused and took me to Grandad and Mamma’s and went off to work, thinking it was a working day.

A Thursday and thinking it was a working day?  How dumb can you get?

Don’t get me wrong I treasure my time with Mamma and Grandad, but it is stressful, keeping them awake and active and entertained. When I’ve had two and a half days of nursery and half a day of babysitting grandparents I am desperate for Thursday to chill.

But finding myself in the dilemma I just have to get on and deal with it.

I decided to do something totally different with them and went with them to Homebase, the DIY store at Arnold.

This is not a child oriented place but I have to think about my grandparents.

The day was hot and the journey tiresome. Mamma will not have the radio on so I felt I had to talk all the way to fill the silence. I talked about anything that came in to my head: Brother Rory, Cousin George, Cousin Freya, Grandad David, Auntie Debbie, cars and dinosaurs. The whole thing was demanding and tiring.

At Homebase there were trolleys like Tesco trolleys, thankfully, which meant Grandad could push me around. It was either that or for him to carry me.

Mamma said we needed to buy a patio pot to put plants in but I had to keep telling her that is what she wanted to buy because she kept wandering and went looking at other things like tins of paint.

I probably need to explain what Homebase is about. It is the same as Tesco but then reminds me of Wilko’s. They have odd things to buy like tools, nails and wood. Strange, I did not see any groceries anywhere. Or maybe Mamma and Grandad kept me away from them. They do try to impose restrictions on me which are violations of my human rights using the old chestnut, “It’s for your own good”.

Finally we got to the pots but they were outside. Homebase had obviously filled their inside shelves with so much crap they had no where to put the patio pots inside, nor the plants or sheds and greenhouses.

But then we came across something magical I have never ever seen before: a colony of garden gnomes.

There must have been 100 of them all sitting, standing or lying and just staring eerily at me.

What are Garden Gnomes?

They are small and tubby with round faces making them look like miniature grandad’s, all with beards and pointy hats. But everyone looked different, just like The Seven Dwarfes in Snow White. But almost every single one was different and had their own personality. Most had red hats, a few had green ones.

How did they get here? I suspect they scaled the wall and broke in. They are a bit like bees or ants. One day there are none and the next hundreds.

I wonder what they do all day. They must plant weeds, I think. It’s spooky how they just stare at me, begging for a story to be written about them to turn them into mini celebrities.

These were the closest things to toys in Homebase, so even though they are giving me the evil eye I thought I would take to one when Mamma buys me it. You have to don’t you? Me and the gnome will have some great adventures together.

The sad thing is we won’t because Mamma was too mean to buy me one.

Back at Mamma’s house I had toast and beautiful strawberry jam, but without the strawberry jam. So I had to make a scene. Why do grownups make such simple things so difficult?

I was just halfway through eating it and there was someone at the door. Cousin Freya and Cousin George it just had to be. They had come to rescue me!

But, no. Disappointment again. The Avon lady, whatever that meant. It did mean no Cousin George or no Cousin Freya.

Back to my toast. And do you know, I keep asking for black current juice because of its health giving properties but Mamma takes no notice. She needs to take care she could be in danger of losing her Mamma status if she is not more diligent with my requests.

All of a sudden there was someone else at the front door again. But I’m not letting myself get too excited this time. Build myself up to be knocked down.

But I couldn’t resist taking a peak. Wow, it was my Mum. My Mum! Obviously, the penny had finally dropped halfway through the day, that she shouldn’t be at work and so she had come to collect me.

Now we could get on with our Mother and child bonding sessions with a coffee (call a milk, a milk) at Costa.

…and relax.

Bye Bye, Ewan


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Happiness is…a Gnome in your garden


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