jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG   14th June 2018


Hi Ewan here.

Half term holidays finally came. It has been forever coming.

I’ve just cottoned on to holidays and now they seem to take forever to happen. Grandad said get used to it that’s life. You’re a long time doing crap you hate and so little time doing things you love in life.

I wonder why that is. Grandad says only I can change it but I don’t know what the f*** he means.

As I was saying, it was holidays. But I had no idea. Grownups don’t consult with you or warn you. You just get up one morning go to football practice. Come back. Find Mum in a mass panic. And there is a bad atmosphere about the place, real bad. Instinctively you know something is wrong.

Mum or Dad then says: Pack your case with the books and toys you want to take on holiday and get your bucket and spade, and it all suddenly falls into place. It’s holiday time.

But you know you’re going to the seaside but you don’t have a clue where.

Ok, Dad says we’re off to Filey but that means absolutely nothing to me.

But wouldn’t you think better of your parents if they told you beforehand. Or better still consulted with you Saying: “We are considering a half term holiday. Where would you like to go dearest son of ours?

Not that I’d be capable of any sensible suggestions because they do not allow me the tablet to research holiday ideas, suggestions and destinations.

As we set off I did not know what a superb mind blowing, head shattering experience our holiday was going to be.

Filey is a very long way away, 5 sleeps away. I went to sleep five times in the car is what I mean. Thankfully when we got there there was sea, so it was the seaside. Sometimes grownups, namely Mum and Dad are prone to exaggeration and say we are off to the seaside when in actual fact it is not the real seaside.

We went to this house that Mum and Dad said was going to be our holiday home for the week. It was good, a little smaller than our own house. On the way we passed lots of diddy caravans. Why didn’t we stay in one of those they looked loads more fun, like living in a wendy house.

Normally when we go on holiday Mamma and Grandad are there. Not this time. They had gone to Switzerland by train and Granny to Turkey by aeroplane, and not taken us. So what’s that all about?

We were allowed to stay up a little later as it was the first day of our holiday. We were a little excited too, well a lot excited, in fact over excited. I ran around like a crazy kid. Try going on holiday to the seaside and not getting excited. Impossible!

Then, all of a sudden out of the blue it hit me like a brick wall, head on knocking me over onto the floor. I scrambled up and assumed Brother Rory had covered me with gallons of bright red poster paint.

But I was wrong. In actual fact I had run into the corner of the TV stand at full speed and hit my head. What I thought was bright red poster paint was my own red blood and it kept pouring from the wound. I was afraid, in fact scared. If the blood pouring out continued would I end up looking like a saggy balloon with all the air let out? How would we get all that blood back in me?

Amidst all the mayhem I was bundled into Dad’s car and we set out for Scarborough Hospital. But with the look of my blood and the feel of my head and the state of me I thought I am a stretcher case at best. This ought to be an ambulance with blue light job, like Mum when I came into the world. And I know because I know all about ambulances and vehicles that go “Nee nah” and have blue lights.

But Dad’s car had to do and he hadn’t even got his blue lights with him.

We had to drive 7.7 miles. Dad did it in 18 minutes via the A165.

I always wondered where Mum and Dad and grownups went on a Saturday night. They go have a drink and then finish the night at A&E because you get a fantastic teddy bear there.

All A&E did was glue me back together. Dad could have done that. Brother Rory’s got a Pritt Stick he should have used.

But A&E did not put any of my blood back. I was worried the loss of blood would leave me all saggy. I felt all over but I didn’t feel saggy.

Then came the best bit, I got a teddybear as a bravery reward. Wow!

Do you know what the best bit about getting that teddybear was?  The fact that Brother Rory did not get one, because he’d not lost gallons of blood or had to have his head glued.

What was the double best bit was that he was gutted too and went all mardy because he wanted a teddybear.

I now know what Grandad means when he says, “No pain, no gain”.

If I had not had the pain of banging my head I would not have gained a teddy and got one over Brother Rory.

We were five hours at A&E. Mum and Dad thought it was unacceptable, a disgusting long time to wait. I could understand it though, why couldn’t they?

You’ve got to wait for the doctor to come from Nottingham. That took us a good three hours, Dad said. Next they have to find the Suprtglue. My Dad spends hours searching for his glue at home. It’s never where he thinks he left it and he blames Mum for moving it. But I suppose Mum won’t interfere with the Doctor’s glue so that it will be in its rightful place. So I probably can’t include that as an excuse.

Then the nurse has to find a toy shop open at 1.00am of a Sunday morning in Scarborough. You can so understand why it took five hours to sort me out.

I did find the five hours useful, though, adding to my intrinsic experience of life, observing the intimate workings of the A&E Department of a major NHS hospital on a Bank Holiday Saturday night. It proved to be an experience not to be missed. I have to say what disappointed me most was the lack of people wrapped in bandages.

The drive back to our holiday home was a little disappointing. I am a very experienced toddler so I had seen 2.00am in the morning many times before when I had gone through periods of night whinging and winding up  Mum and Dad by trying to stay awake all night.

But I had been advised by Brother Rory that at 2.00am in the morning there would be ghouls, ghosts and vampires roaming the streets and bats, wolves, owls and foxes everywhere. I saw none of these things. There was no traffic or people, either.  Just nothing. It was so boring. I suppose the moon shone very brightly high in a sky filled with a thousand stars. So that was ok.

I know it hurt a bit, well a lot and it was so scary but the visit to hospital turned our holiday into the best holiday I have ever had in my lifetime. I guess that’s life. And even though Brother Rory did not get a teddybear, he thought so too. On top of that, later in the week, we caught the biggest crabs we had ever caught.

But I do still have a dent in my head.

Bye Bye, Ewan


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Swiss Maid – Del Shannon

Highest Chart Position: No.2 29th November 1962