EWAN’S BLOG: (3 YRS) – I’M IN CHARGE
jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG 2018
Hi, Ewan here.
I bet you’d forgotten about me. Or at least I bet you thought I’d forgotten about you.
No, no way. How could I?
I have to blame Grandad for part of it. He’s been working on a lot of creative projects. You’ll learn exactly what over the coming weeks.
You are like me thinking “What do you do all day Grandad?” I ask him that all the time. Busy doing nothing springs to mind. But he has started a new series on the Blog to explain. That will be interesting although I see he’s not posted anything on that subject for the last few weeks.
Grandad has a very vivid imagination but even that stalls when he has to come up with details of what he does all day.
I’m so reliant on Grandad to write this blog, it is annoying and frustrating. I do not feel in control. I do like to be in control.
I’m longing to be able to write for myself instead of depending on Grandad. I do try. I take a crayon, a pencil, or a pen, preferably a felt tip pen, and I write what in my brain is logical stuff. But all that appears on the paper is scribble. The same when I draw pictures. It is wonderfully clear in my head but converts to a scribble on paper. Grandad says his life is like that, very clear in his head but a big scribble in reality.
But it’s not just Grandad that has been busy, I’ve been so busy too. The thing is if you want to write interesting things in your Blog, in fact if you want to write anything in your Blog, you need to be busy doing, doing things, just anything. And if you are busy doing and I mean really busy, you’ve not got time to Blog. You can’t have it both ways.
Since I last blogged we have had a major crisis in our family. All down to my Dad. He mistakenly seemed to think he was in charge! Can you believe the arrogance of that?
I had to deal with that one very quickly and put him in his place. You have to watch these grownups. They are crafty and quickly seize the opportunity. If you don’t nip that one in the bud they soon take over and try telling you what to do in life.
In fact that is exactly what happened. One night Dad was insisting I go to the toilet before I went to bed. No one is telling Ewan when to go to the toilet, especially an adult, especially my Dad. I go when I deem I want to go. Otherwise you make a rod for your own back. You end up with no independence.
Dad was such a loser. For some reason he was desperate for me to go to the toilet. Not as desperate as I was to go but I couldn’t it would be a sign of weakness and giving in to him.
I was determined to win this one. But Dad was desperate and pulled the “I’m telling Santa Clause” card. This was early November. There were over 50 sleeps to go to Christmas. Christmas was and still is a lifetime away. I realised life was going to be tedious and not worth living with the “Tell Santa threat hanging over me. I’ll be able to do nothing. I could not believe life could go so disastrously wrong in a matter of a few seconds.
And it was no idle threat. I witnessed him actually dial the actual numbers on his actual phone. I know, surprised me too. You would think with his technical capabilities he’d have an app. Or at least use the old fashioned speed dialling.
It was no bluff he actually got through to Santa. He really did I heard him talking to him with my own ears.
“Hello Santa.” He said. He would only say that if it actually was Santa on the other end. Like, I know my Dad well, he would not be talking to himself now, would he?
““Hello Santa. Ewan is being…”
Whoosh! I raced to the toilet, pulled my pants down and started to wee. You can’t take any chances. It would be irresponsible of me to put my massive list to Santa in jeopardy.
Let us now change the subject quick.
I have done so many things and had so many life experiences since my last Blog post. I went to Keswick in the Lake District for a holiday with Cousin George and Cousin Freya and Brother Rory and Mamma and Grandad and Auntie NanNan and Uncle Col and Mum and Dad. Everyone I suppose.
We did so many amazingly fun things and lived in a brilliant house with a massive hide and seek friendly garden. We watched “Lava” on TV all the time when we weren’t doing exciting things. As we did so many exciting things we did not see much TV.
The problem with taking Mamma and Grandad on holiday is I and my brother and cousins end up having to “babysit” them.
The other downside is we have to take them on things like boat trips on the lake. But if that’s not bad enough you have to fake excitement and amazement at what you are experiencing (or as Grandad says “Amazing life experiences that are character building). I do it for them because I love them but to be honest it leaves me cold, very cold as we had to sit outside on the boat on wet seats in a very cold NE wind.
We celebrated Halloween whilst at the Lakes. We all dressed up very scary. Cousin George, Cousin Freya, Brother Rory and me. Brother Rory scared me in a wolf costume.
When we came back it was 5th November so we had fireworks at Cousin Freya and Cousin George’s house. They scared me more than Halloween, a lot more. Loud noise is so scary.
We’ve not had any birthdays to celebrate since my last Blog post. It is usually someone’s birthday Rory’s, Freya’s, George’s or mine, but it has been no one’s.
Although Grandad said it was his grandma’s and his mum’s birthday earlier this month. I think that was a Grandad joke. Grandads and Mammas are so old they don’t even have mums and grannys.
Big Brother Rory still irritates me. Do you know, no matter how hard I try to grow up, he still manages to be older than me. I do everything he does and I’ve even moved from Nursery to Pre-school. But I’m still only three and a half and Rory’s six.
How does that work then? With all my efforts I have made I should be and want to be older than Rory.
Mamma and Grandad are still under the illusion I go to Nursery. They do not seem to realise I left Nursery behind long ago in September. They still insist that on a Tuesday they fetch me from Nursery. I keep saying “No, I go to Pre-school”. But Grandad’s hearing aids must be playing up because he thinks I say “I go to Play School”.
Mamma collects me from Pre-school on a Tuesday afternoon. I am given the impossible task of looking after Mamma and Grandad on that day.
But since I moved to Pre-school there have been two weeks when Mamma has not turned up. One week Daddy did and one week Mummy did.
I assume that was because, even though Pre-school is still in the same building as Nursery, just a different room, Mamma went to the Nursery bit for me but they wouldn’t have heard of me. Oldness does cause me many problems.
Oh well, Grandad says his fingers are getting tired with typing. I guess I’d best go to bed after all itis dark now.
That’s another thing about grownups that’s stupid. They make us go to bed when it’s dark. Why, when dark is so much more scary, interesting and exciting than light?
Why go to sleep anyway, it is such a waste of life.
But I have to go with it. The red light on the ceiling in the corner of each room keeps coming on. The surveillance light. That’s right, Santa is watching our every move.
(That’s not swearing you know. It is a slang expletive employed as an attenuated alternative (minced oath) to f*** to express disbelief, pain, anger, or contempt in a given situation. However, it does not mean the same as f***, and those aware of this use consider it a lesser expletive than f***.
Verb meaning ‘to steal’ (e.g., ‘They had fecked cash out of the rector’s room.’
Verb meaning in Irish slang ‘to throw’ (e.g., ‘He’s got no manners at all. I asked him nicely for the remote control, and he fecked it across the table at me.’)
The Channel 4 situation comedy Father Ted helped to export and popularise this use of feck through its characters’ liberal use of the word, especially by the drunk priest Father Jack.)
Oh well I suppose at my age I am constantly living and learning and looking over my shoulder for Santa.
Bye Bye, Ewan.
INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE FOR THE DAY
A winner is a loser who tried just one more time
Happiness is…when you are in charge
GRANDAD’S ONE LINER JOKE OF THE DAY
I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is… Scaring men is easy.
Love is…a picture of happiness
TRACK OF THE DAY
Angela Jones – Michael Cox
Highest Chart Position: No.714th July 1960
WHAT DAY IS IT?
Thursday 29th November 2018
Electronic Greetings Day
Throw Out Your Leftovers Day
Square Dancing Day
Lemon Cream Pie Day
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