EWAN’S BLOG: (3 YRS) – SANTA’S BEEN!
jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG 29th December 2018
Hi, Yes, it is me Ewan.
So that was Christmas that was? Wow there was a lot going on, except sleeping.
I got to see Santa a lot. I obviously impressed him and built up a good relationship with him because irrespective of what my parents said, particularly my, Dad about Santa seeing if you were bad or good and crossing you off the list if you were bad. Well he obviously didn’t see the bad bits and I got loads of presents; all that I asked for and more besides.
There were some things I asked for I didn’t get but I didn’t know I wanted them until Christmas morning when Brother Rory was opening his presents. They just happened to be everything Santa brought Brother Rory. His presents are always more exciting than mine. I think Santa arranges that on purpose, just to wind me up.
I have thought very deeply and intensely about Santa checking me out to see if I am good so that I don’t get conned into being good for no reason next Christmas.
Ok, I hold my hands up, I have been naughty on the odd occasion in the run up to Christmas this year. But it has not impacted on the quality or quantity of Christmas presents Santa has left me. In fact I have to say I had more than I asked for, wanted or even dreamed of.
- Santa could not give a damn how good you are
- Santa doesn’t watch you he’s too busy and has better things to do
- Santa likes a kid with a bit of character who is bold and he rewards them
- I’ve realised Santa is a bit old and senile anyway. Every time I’ve see him he’s not remembered my name or what I want, I have to tell him again and again every single time I meet him. So he probably doesn’t pick up on me being naughty or maybe he does, but then promptly forgets about it. Then when he is doing his present sort he can’t remember if you’ve been bad because he’s away with the fairies (and elves).
I met up with Santa for the first time on his steam train. It was quite pleasant.
Me and Santa met up many times over the advent period to discuss my requirements. To be honest I thought a civilised meeting in Costa over a coffee was the best bet. But that didn’t come about. I’m not sure why. I guess reindeers don’t care for coffee. In all of my three and a half years of life I ain’t never seen a reindeer in Costa. Have you? So there’s something deers don’t like about the place.
I suppose Costa don’t sell carrots, so if reindeers do not like coffee and can’t buy a carrot there ‘s not much point for them to go in.
So I ended up meeting Santa in so many weird places. On a steam train, (why couldn’t he just be normal and meet up on a tram), at pre-school, at Clumber Park, at White Post Farm, at Rufford Park and Oceans of Fun soft play.
The first time I saw him this year, which was on the Santa Express Steam Train, I clearly told him my name and spelt out, again very clearly exactly what I wanted. A Paw Patrol Tower I had seen at Smyths Toy Shop.
I hopped from one foot to the other with excited anticipation as he reached down to his sack to get my gift. But he handed me a small parcel and the Tower comes in a massive box as big as me.
That was not a Paw Patrol Tower. But a police car. Ok, it was alright it made amazing noises to get on everybody’s nerves but it was not a Paw Patrol Tower.
The deaf old bugger had obviously not heard me correctly. I turned round to protest, loudly. It needed a full meltdown. Mum stopped me and calmed me down and explained that he just gave me a bit of a gift to tide me over, and he had made a note of my main present and would order it to be in my stocking by Christmas morning.
I hoped he knew what he was doing because to be honest it would be too big to fit in my stocking. The other thing was this visit to see him was a good two weeks before Christmas. So delivery of a Paw Patrol Tower was going to take 17 days. Does Santa not know about Amazon Prime? If he ordered it through that it would be delivered the very next day, or the same day if he caught it right.
I was worried, Santa is just not cutting edge enough for me. As we left the train I wondered if I would ever see my Paw Patrol Tower or in deed any other presents.
The reindeer do not have to do much for their money. The only place I saw them was White Post Farm.
I got the hang of Santa every time I saw him for he always asked my name and what I wanted for Christmas. I told him and he gave me some dodgy cheap present just to be nice like my Mum and Dad give a bottle of wine if they go to their friends for a meal, again trying to be nice.
With all the money Santa’s got why doesn’t he buy himself a tablet. His life would be so much simpler. Then he needs a special app where he take a photo of each kid and puts the kid’s name at the side and a list of what he or she wants. He needs that link in to Amazon Prime. Next day the Amazon White Delivery Van turns up at the kid’s house with all the presents.
Easy! Job done!
No panic visiting every home on Christmas Eve night.
No requirement for elves or reindeer. Sell off the reindeers to McDonalds as meat for a new seasonal venison-burger.
Santa, then for the first time in his life gets to go to bed early Christmas Eve and has a lie in Christmas morning. He then won’t be grumpy with Mother Christmas on Christmas Day through over tiredness and probably for the first time in their married life.
As Santa would drastically reduce costs he could afford to share the savings between him, me and the other kids and give us all more presents.
So, back to reality, come Christmas Eve we put mince pies out for him and carrots for Rudolf, although no one bothers to ask Santa if he’s gone veggie. I suppose if he has he can always nibble on Rudolf’s carrot like Mum does. But there is no wonder he’s so fat if he eats in everyone’s house.
In 2010 there were approximately 1.4 Billion households (imagine how many in 2018) in the world, that’s a lot of carrots and mince pies to consume in one night.
We also left Rudolf some oats. Rudolf likes his oats.
I was not quick to wake Christmas morning. To be honest I could not face the inevitable mess up Santa was bound to have made. Or what had been dropped from the list due to my naughtiness.
But he hadn’t messed up, he hadn’t dropped anything from the list, in fact he had added to it. There was Lego, books, games dressing up costumes – Buzz Lightyear and Avengers costume (my wardrobe (or closet for any American readers) is now bulging full of costumes and disguises for me to change into) and of course MY PAW PATROL TOWER!
There was so much that he was scared to bring it all down the chimney which was very mysterious and strange because we ain’t got no chimney. But for whatever reason he left loads of our stuff at Granny’s house and Mamma and Grandad’s house and Auntie NanNan and Uncle ColCol’s house.
To be honest the delivery was a bit of a pig’s ear. But I ended up getting everything I wanted and more beside, so did Brother Rory and Cousin George.
And even Cousin Freya did and that was a surprise because it was her birthday the day before, 24th December, Christmas Eve. She had a fantastic party with cake and candles. She’s six now the same as Rory. I think it’s my turn to be six next. I can’t wait.
Having her birthday the day before Christmas opened up a lot of possibility for confusion, but there was none, except the leaving of her presents, like mine at various addresses within the family. It does make you worry as to whether he has left some of your presents at stranger’s houses that you will never, ever get.
When we got up Mum was not happy as there was such a mess that Rudolf had made with reindeer pooh and fairy dust. At least it was not me who had to take time out on the naughty step for that, I bet Rudolf did, though.
Do you know that even Santa has to go on the Naughty Step sometimes? There is a picture book about it. I have not read it. I assume it is if he makes a mess or misses someone.
We’ve had lots of parties, games and get togethers with all my great big family. We had such a good time there is not enough room to write about it all here. But George may tell you some of it in his Blog.
Just one last thing, to illustrate how ridiculously silly grownups can be. When Mamma came to my house on Christmas Day and was admiring my Paw Patrol Tower which is almost as tall as me she said, ‘That’s good is it from Mummy and Daddy.”
“No! It was from Santa!”
What a stupid question. It costs far more money than Mummy and Daddy have got.
Happy New Year
Bye Bye, Ewan.
INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE FOR THE DAY
The minutes spent at the dinner table won’t make you fat – but the seconds will. Anon
Happiness is…knowing you are going in the right direction
GRANDAD’S ONE LINER JOKE OF THE DAY
- Few women admit their age; few men act it.
Love is…stopping often on a long drive to kiss and cuddle
TRACK OF THE DAY
We Will Rock You – Queen
Highest Chart Position: Not issued as a single but was a track for their 1977 album News of the World. Rolling Stone ranked it number 330 of “The 500 Greatest Songs of All Time” in 2004, and it placed at number 146 on the Songs of the Century list in 2001. In 2009, “We Will Rock You” was inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame.
WHAT DAY IS IT?
29th December 2018
Tick Tock Day
Pepper Pot Day
©2018 Phil M Robinson & jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk