jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG 18th January 2018

Hi, Ewan here.

Do you know, adults, in particularly parents, so pee me off. They seem to think they know best for me and spend a lifetime attempting to make me do things their way which clearly conflicts with what I want from life.


You wonder if they will ever learn.


The trouble with parents is you get what you are given. In the most important years of formative life you are landed with these random people. You have no say in the choice. And you have to sort the consequences. This is ridiculous!


I have a very clear vision of my life strategy and goals and where I want to go and what I want to be doing with it. For any other role in life there would be stringent tests, extensive interviews and proof of qualification and careful selection in finding the right person for the position before appointing anyone to do anything.


Imagine where we’d be if just any old person could have married Prince Harry, without vetting and security checking and ensuring they had qualifications for the job.


Imagine where we would be as a country if Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn had not been properly selected and vetted. Just think if the country had been dumped into any old person’s hands in the way a child is to its new parents.


That is the problem, in the case of parents you are dumped with them and have to make the best of a bad job.


My parents do not have a clue of what is best for me! But I do.


They’ve not got experience of bringing up kids, you see. Ok, a bit of a trial run with Brother Rory. But that doesn’t count. They’d not tackled anything like it before him.


My Dad has looked after fish, but my Mum has never even had a pet, not even a hamster, pet mouse or gerbil.


They do not know what is best. My Mum’s a schoolteacher for goodness sake. What does she know about kids?


So all they rely on for information is “Parenting for Dummies”.


They ignore my perpetual protesting. I am permanently forced to camp out on the naughty step. But does that bother me? Look at this face. Does that face look bothered? I think not.


The naughty step is pretty cool. Mainly because it is the bottom step of our stairs and you get a down draft from the staircase. (Sorry that is a pathetic Grandad joke.)


They sit me on the step, which I quietly enjoy with my own thoughts. But they sit me there to reflect on what I have done. I like that, because I always reflect as they demand on what I have done and I decide with even more resolve that what I did was right and justifiable.


My only respite from the situation I am in with these parents is the time I have at Mamma and Grandad’s where I get to live life on my terms.


I need to leave it though. They do say a trouble shared is a trouble doubled. But please bear in mind it is not a problem from my point of view, just my parents’ point of view.


In spite of everything I continue to have amazing life experiences. A couple of weeks ago we went to Twycross Zoo and saw their Great Lego Brick Safari. I went with Mum and Dad, Brother Rory and Mamma and Grandad.


Twycross Zoo is a tremendous place in any case with gorillas, apes, spiders, chimpanzees, orang-utans, zebra’s, ice creams, meerkats, lemmas, leopards, and butterflies. But for this exhibition they also had Lego animals.


These animals were made from nearly 900,000 LEGO bricks and took over 7,500 hours to build, and included 70 life sized LEGO brick animals.


My Lego favourites were: the tiger, the gorilla, the penguin and Marty the Zebra, in fact all of them.

Unfortunately Mum and Dad’s lack of parenting experience came into play even here.


Lego is meant for the inter reaction of children to develop all our skills. With 900,000 Lego bricks on offer children were obviously expected to get stuck in and take the animals apart and rebuild them. Lego is an inter reactive toy to be played with not to be left in one piece for months on end.


It was obvious they had left the Lego animals out for kids to be creative and use their imaginations in recreating them. I decided I would try and convert Tilda the Tiger into a life size Lightning McQueen and Earl Grey the Elephant into Harry Potter’s Hogwarts with the Express Train or the NINJAGO Dragon, and Ninjago Destiny’s Bounty boat and the Ninjago Temple of The Ultimate Weapon.


All imaginative and challenging to the 3 year old, who is almost 4 year old, child.


When James May decided to build a life sized house from Lego bricks he used two million of them.


I thought maybe I could build a smaller house out of all these bricks and move out from living with my parents and make an independent life for myself living at the zoo.


But as usual my parents stopped me. It just showed their naivety and lack of parenting experience by stopping me exploring my creative skills.


I know, you cannot believe it either, can you, that they stopped me breaking up those Lego animals and recreating something totally different?


With that one simple act they stunted so much growth in me as a child.


And I can’t let my grandparents off the hook either, they stood by watching and just letting it happen.


Just what sort of future am I destined for? I am now on the scrapheap at 3 years old destined to become a teacher or an IT worker. My creative growth halted in its prime.


But all was not lost. I managed to bring a gorilla home with me.


Gorillas are my latest favourite animal except for Marty the Zebra and penguins. But penguins are not animals, anyway, they are birds.


I got over the Lego issue and watched the penguins swimming under the water and doing this funny walk. I can walk like that too and they can swim almost as good as me.


At the zoo the penguins were  near the pelicans who have huge beaks and there were pink flamingos. The flamingos can stand on one leg like me. Unfortunately Grandad knows a song about a “Pretty Flamingo” (No.1 5th May 1966 for three weeks) and sang it lots and lots and lots… And lots. In  fact the trouble with Grandad at the zoo is he sang a song about every animal we saw: “Monkey, Monkey Little Red Monkey” “Eye of the Tiger” “Incy Wincy Spider” “Elusive Butterfly” “In the jungle the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight” “Nellie the Elephant”.


But even worse than that, if he doesn’t know a song he makes one up: “I’m a s,,s..s.. sniggering s,,s..s.. slitheriy s,,s..s.. snake” “I’m a meerkat and I’m Ok, I sleep all night and I work all day”.


Twycross Zoo was full of things to love. As I said I could have watched the penguins all day. And almost did. Butterflies fluttered around me in the Butterfly Forrest and almost settled on my nose. Outside were two beautifully coloured macaws, Pearl and Polina. I spent ages trying to make them talk and then realised they couldn’t because they were made of Lego!


The meerkats had got things all wrong they did not realise we should be watching them. They sat on a hill watching us. Silly meercats.


The monkeys were having a rough and tumble just like me and Brother Rory. The only difference was Brother Rory wears sprcs but neither of the monkeys did. That was so funny.


Near the gorillas was a life size one cut out of wood for you to see how big you were compared to a gorilla. Grandad was exactly the same size as a gorilla. He is just one big gorilla.


You thought I’d kidnapped a real gorilla from Twycross when I wrote “I managed to bring a gorilla home”.


I bet you thought I was the same as the little boy in Willy Russell’s 1976 BBC TV Drama ‘Our Day Out’ starring Alun Armstrong which was about teachers taking kids on a day out from Liverpool to Wales.


The little boy kidnapped a real live penguin from a zoo smuggling it home in his rucksack. I bet you thought I’d done the same with a gorilla.


No, no. A real live gorilla is too big to fit in my rucksack. Anyway he would have eaten all my sandwiches and rice cakes which I carry in my rucksack. And he’d be too big to fit in the car seat in my daddy’s car.


It was a cuddly toy gorilla. Grownups lack a lot of intelligent when it comes to my gorilla. When I show them they ask me what his name is. Don’t they know yet, even at their age, it is Gorilla. Cor, blimey, they so lack imagination.


He’s a good friend, to me, is my gorilla. He doesn’t judge me or answer me back or challenge me or play with my toys or ever wrecks my Lego. He spends hours comforting me on the “Naughty Step” too. You can’t buy devoted friendship like this you know.


Actually I’m missing the “Naughty Step” at this moment. I think I’ll just nip back to it. It’ll be missing me, too.


See you later.


Bye, Bye Ewan


Every country has the government it deserves. – French proverb


Happiness is…a gorilla to watch over you


A will is a dead giveaway.


Love is… when he takes you somewhere romantic


Pretty Flamingo – Manfred Mann

Highest Chart Position: No.1 5th May 1966


Friday 18th January 2019-01-17

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Winnie the Pooh Day


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