jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG 26th April 2019

Hi Ewan here,


Don’t you just hate it when something average happens in life and folk around you put loads of pressure on you to make a big thing of it and its not worthy of it.


That is just what has happened to me this week.


Last Tuesday allocations of places at primary schools were announced for those starting school this September.


Apparently I fall into that category. I do not know why, for the life of me I don’t.

No one asked or consulted with me on whether I wanted to go to school or whether I wanted to start school in September.


But Grandad says that’s life and like him I have to get used to not being consulted.


Out of the blue last Tuesday Mum got an email saying I had been allocated a place at Brother Rory’s school. Whoopie do! There I go in his shadow again. When am I going to be allowed to carve my own furrow?


Mum made this big thing of telling me. She really built it up as if it was an announcement about the showing of the new Angry Birds II movie or the new Toy Story 4 movie.


Naturally, I just took it quite passively and moved on. Well, wouldn’t you? I can’t see anyone getting over excited about being allocated a place at school, especially your big brother’s school. I just saw what little freedom I have disappear into obscurity. The final nail in the coffin of being institutionalised.


School would lead to secondary school, then university, then work and eventually if I was really unlucky and government allowed it, retirement, like Grandad and Mamma.


And then, Mum… and Dad… and the world and his dog wonder why I just pass it off, don’t get excited, and just carry on calmly with life.


You see Mum seems to be excited that me and Brother Rory are keeping the family traditions alive and going to the same school that my Mum and Auntie NanNan went to.


But Mamma and Grandad didn’t go to that school. Although, Grandad is so old I don’t think schools had been invented when he was a lad. It is quite obvious when he comes to our house that he has never been educated. He does not know the first thing about how to operate the TV remote, the tablet or even a telephone.


He tries to tell me he went to school at Gilthill near Ikea. Have you ever been to Ikea? I do not find it very conducive to learning.


But back to me and me being laid back and underwhelmed about getting a place at school. To be honest I cannot see the point of school or what advantages it has apart from keeping my Mum in work, can you? So, I can’t get over excited.


I don’t want my life bogged down by going to boring school. I have far more interesting things to do in life. What is the point of school anyway? What can I get from it? What do they teach you?


They teach you your numbers. I know my numbers I can count to at least twelve and that is all I need. I can say a million and no one counts to a million because it takes years to count that many. Even Grandad’s never counted up to a million.


They teach you to read books. I can already look at pictures in books. What is the point of just staring at nothing but words?


They teach you to draw. What is the point when every phone has a camera?


They teach you to talk. My can talk already!

They teach you about life. I have to say, no one can teach me more about life than Grandad. He’s given me a few basic rules, his 10 Commandments (after all he is even older than Moses) and they are on his tablet. They are:


  1. Don’t let the buggers grind you down
  2. Trust no one

3              Play Angry Birds on the tablet

4              Watch Super Wings on TV

(Actually, I think those last two I may have slipped in.)

5              Enjoy the world and life for everything it has to offer

6              Invest £1 on your 5th birthday and find some way of doubling it every year until you are 21 years old and you’ll have £1,048,576.

7              Laugh, laugh, laugh every single day, hour, minute, second!

8              Find an amazing life partner like Grandad did in Mamma, your grandchildren will thank you for it

9              Make sure you have a passion. And only commit to things you are passionate about

10           Live life to the full

11           Never waste a moment of life

12           Love music

13           Love books – always have a book on the go. Read, read, read.

14           Always love Mamma… & Granny… & Mummy… & Daddy… & Brother Rory… & all the family

15           To be honest I could go on as he has a list of 101, but I’ll stop here I think.


Anyway nowhere on that list does Grandad say spend your life at school.


You see at school they don’t teach you the vital things of life like how to build Lego, get on the next level of Angry Birds game, or fly your toy Super Wings correctly or even teach you new cunning ways to outwit your parents and other gullible grownups.


And then they wonder why I can’t get too excited about starting a twenty year life sentence of school and university when I could be having fun, fun, fun, fun.


Another question about this school business is this: when I am being forced fed all this crap at school what will my Mum and Dad be doing?


I know exactly what they will be doing. They will be chilling out at work all the time having fantastic fun and enjoying life, without a care in the world, and having a good laugh with all their mates.


Bah, humbug!


So, I’m sorry, but you’ll have to excuse me, I have an important job to do working out how to avoid school and stay home all day. It can’t be difficult to achieve. Grandad manages to pull it off and he’s not even very bright, like I am.


Bye Bye, Ewan.

This is what happens at school if you are not careful, they teach you to hold hands with girls!!!


Some people feel the rain, others just get wet – Bob Marley


Happiness is…getting your first choice primary school


What do garbage collectors like to eat? Junk food.


Love is… a relationship full of surprises


Denis – Blondie

Highest Chart Position: No.2 1st April 1978


Friday 26th April 2019

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Alien Day

Help A Horse Day

International Chernobyl Disaster Remembrance Day






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