jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG Friday 5th April  2019

Hi, Ewan here.


On Thursday Grandad came to play.


I don’t know why, I think he was bored with Mamma and her incessant cleaning and thought Ewan might have more interesting things on offer, which of course I had.


It was rather fortunate that Mum had taken herself off to Brother Rory’s school. They were going on a visit to the local library.


Why I couldn’t go with them, I do not know. Although to be honest I do. It was ageism. But I try not to talk about that now, or I become boring, As if!


If Grandad had not come when Mum went on Brother Rory’s School Library Trip, I would have been left home alone. Not that that would have worried me. I enjoy my own come better than most. No, I tell a lie, more than any other. I could have done anything I wanted and watched my own choices and favourites on TV.


I know you will ask what would have been different to everyday life.  But, there wouldn’t have been anyone (Mum, Dad, or Brother Rory) wining on in the background about me getting my own way.


Strictly speaking, I do please myself what I do when I am with Grandad. He goes with what I say. In fact he has no choice.


For example I decided we would watch the Official Angry Birds movie: Released May 2016 (the month Cousin George was born),  Running Time 93 minutes, Production Budget: $73 million, Box Office Takings: $352.3 million. Proof of the pudding of how good a film it is with it being so very profitable.


You must have seen the Angry Birds Movie. Everyone has. It is the best movie in the world… except for Madagascar… and I suppose Madagascar II… oh yes, and Madagascar III… oh yes, and the Lego Movie… you can’t forget Cars 3… and Toy Story I nor II nor III and four is coming out this year… and… so that will be the best movie ever and… Ok I’ll stop there, if you say so.


The plot for Angry Birds The Movie is very (no extremely) complex so I thought I had better explain it to Grandad to aid his enjoyment of the film:


“A reclusive, temperamental outcast bird named Red lives in a village on Bird Island with other flightless birds. When his temper causes a “premature hatching” of another bird’s egg, he is sentenced to take an anger management class. Red’s classmates – Chuck (who is hyperactive and can move at hypervelocity) and Bomb (who can cause explosions with his anger and fear) – try to befriend him, but he avoids them.


“One day, a boat docks at the island’s shore, damaging Red’s house. The birds are greeted by green-coloured pigs and their captain Leonard, who claim to be peaceful explorers bringing offerings of friendship. The pigs ingratiate themselves with the birds by introducing them to various innovations, notably a giant slingshot, but begin to overwhelm the island with their numbers. Red becomes suspicious.


“Red recruits Chuck and Bomb to find Mighty Eagle, the only flying bird and the island’s protector, who has not been seen for many years. They find Mighty Eagle on top of Bird Mountain, but he is overweight, self-absorbed, leads the life of a slacker, has not flown in years, and refuses to help them. Red discovers the pigs planting dynamite around the island while the other birds are distracted with a rave party, but they arrive too late to sound a warning; the pigs escape with the eggs and activate the dynamite, destroying the village. The other birds apologize to Red for not believing him and, under his leadership, they organize an army and construct a boat from the rubble to follow the pigs to Piggy Island.


“The birds discover the pigs living in a walled city ruled by Leonard, whose true name is “King Mudbeard”. Deducing the eggs are in the castle at the centre of the city, the birds use the slingshot to attack by launching themselves over the walls and into the city’s buildings, destroying them. Red, Chuck, and Bomb discover the eggs inside a net being lowered into a giant pot; the pigs are planning to cook and eat them. Mighty Eagle arrives to retrieve Red’s group and the eggs, having had a change of heart after witnessing their efforts. One egg falls out of the net and Red battles King Mudbeard for it, but learns to control his anger and distracts him long enough to retrieve the egg. An explosion from Bomb ignites the pigs’ reserve of dynamite, but the pot collapses, falls over, and lands on top of Red, shielding him and the egg from the blast as the city is destroyed.


“Red reunites with the other birds as the egg hatches, revealing three small blue birds. Mighty Eagle approaches Red, Chuck, and Bomb, claiming he merely appeared lazy so they could lose faith in him and find faith in themselves, and takes credit for saving the eggs. On Bird Island, Red discovers the other birds have repaired his house in the center of the village and the rest of the rescued eggs have hatched into chicks, who sing to him in gratitude. Moved, Red allows Chuck and Bomb to move in with him. The pigs are revealed to have survived, with King Mudbeard plotting to steal the birds’ eggs again.


“In a mid-credits scene, the three blue birds use the slingshot to launch themselves out towards the ocean.”


To be honest that is an over exaggerated explanation taken from Wikipedia.


The complicated plot is: a red Angry Bird lives on an island of birds who cannot fly. Some green Piggys invade the island by boat and steal the birds’ eggs. Using catapults the birds propel themselves through the air to the Piggys’ land and Piggys’ city and destroy it and get their eggs back and three little bluebirds hatch out.


When the film had finished I decided we needed some fresh air and exercise and asked Grandad to take the garden shed key outside with us.


On unlocking the garden shed door I advised him to empty all the contents of the garden shed on to Dad’s prized lawn. We had a very elongated game of football, mainly due to the fact that I was winning. I kicked the ball and Grandad was supposed to save it but as ever he never did. Hopeless, I think the term is.


Next I asked for him to put the slide in place. The best game to play on a slide is rolling a log down it to see who can roll it the furthest. We put a plastic marker that Grandad found where mine ran to. And then Grandad had a go. Hopeless, I think the term is.


But then disaster struck. A plague of black flies landed on the slide to watch us. There were millions of them and every single one had their two beady eyes fixed on us. It was spooky and it was weird and it just freaked me out of my skin. They made me itch and I screamed to go inside to be protected from them.


Ok, as Grandad said they were minute, smaller than this: . yes a ‘period’ or a ‘full stop’. As Grandad rightly said they are so small you cannot see their eyes. But I just knew they were there staring at me!


Grandad raced into action and cruelly killed hundreds of them for no reason at all. But as fast as he massacred them another 100 million flew in to replace them. But I have been trained by no one but the best when it comes to scary bugs and having photographs taken, Mamma! So I could take it no longer and dramatically ran inside hysterically crying.


With Grandad being so old he is very experienced in Jungle warfare, even though the jungle was only Moorpond Wood, Papplewick on a particularly hot summer’s day.


In the house he took me to one side and gave me an insight into his amazingly over…over…overrated and over exaggerated experience. He explained that if I became scared of a little mite smaller than a minute full stop, where would it end? The next thing I knew I’d be scared of my Dad, or my Mum or worst of all Brother Rory. He said I had to learn how not be scared. He gave me lessons in being brave and looking brave and acting brave.


So, I picked myself up, dusted myself down and headed for that backdoor. Boy was I going to kick ass, although I knew I’d never find one they were so small. But there was no way I was gonna end up scared of Brother Rory.


When those microdot flies swarmed on my slide I just yelled and screamed at them like a crazy kid. They didn’t fly off but if you had taken a microscope to them you would have seen the terrified expression on their face, terror which had frozen them to the spot.


Grandad cured my phobia but I still don’t like them and would choose to avoid them.


Next, Brother Rory and Mum came home from the library and school flashing his library books off. But that didn’t bother or impress me none. So, he and I decided to feed Big Harry, the Fish, well, I fed him, Brother Rory handed me the food. But the rest of the fish nicked some too. That really is unfair. How will Big Harry remain big if the tiddlers eat all his food? The big bullies.


Still, not to worry that’s life.


Bye Bye Ewan



Exercise makes you happy. Run, lift, and play sports. (I’m not sure about the ‘play sports bit’.


Happiness is…Mum going to the library


So, I walked into Leeds Station and asked the route to Bristol. I said, is it Leeds to Sheffield, then Derby, Cheltenham Spa and Gloucester? He said, it’s somewhere along those lines.


Love is…making the most of however little you have


Show Me Heaven – Maria McKee

Highest Chart Position: No.1 29th September 1990


Friday 5th April 2019

Walk To Work Day

Star Trek First Contact Day

Poet In A Cupcake Day

Go For Broke Day

Hospital Admitting Clerk Day

Read A Road Map Day

Last Day of the Old Tax Year


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