Five Council Jobs For Rod Stewart

Five Council Jobs For Rod Stewart

jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG Wednesday 16th March 2022

 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Five jobs I’m willing to do that your local council isn’t, by Sir Rod Stewart by The Daily Mash

This week’s visit to The Daily Mash is a good one, seeing The Daily Mash at their best!

Last week Rod Stewart was seen in the media and all the National Dailies filling in potholes on his road. The Daily Mash picked up on this and published this tongue in cheek article.

“Five jobs I’m willing to do that your local council isn’t, by Sir Rod Stewart”

ALRIGHT? Rod here, raspy-voiced 70s singing sensation most recently seen shovelling gravel into potholes. And I’ll also do all this municipal shit:

Pavement upkeep

I used to play with the Faces, but the only faces I’m bothered about these days are the faces of happy ratepayers strolling along a well-maintained pavement. I’ve always got the trowel out to tighten up loose slabs. Some people call that boring, probably the same types who think model trains are boring. They can piss off.

Bin collection

I know – nobody with hair this fantastic and trousers this tight should be seen dead on the back of a bin lorry. But every fortnight I hop on the back of the wagon with the lads. At 77, I’m not as fit as I used to be and I can’t shift a full wheelie bin, but you should see me with a food-waste caddy. Poetry in f**king motion, mate.

Selection of governors for local primary schools

When you’ve had as many birds as I have, picking governors is a doddle. You can tell the ones who’ll stick at it and the ones who are out for themselves. Yes I favour blondes 30 years my junior, but that still leaves them post-menopause with a lot of anger to take out on Ofsted.

Ensuring local businesses comply with trading standards regulations

I sang Do Ya Think I’m Sexy, but what’s truly sexy is a business that’s fully compliant with the law. And you can do this one while going about your day. Going to a cafe for a cuppa? Wander round the back and check the milk’s refrigerated. In a newsagent? Check the tobacco’s out of public view. It costs nothing.

Licencing

I started out busking with a harmonica, and I welcome any and all buskers to the streets of Harlow. But if they’re selling merch or using amplification devices, they’d better make bloody well sure they’ve got a licence and they operate only within permitted hours. Issuing on-the-spot fines is well within my purview, mate, and don’t f**king forget it.

Visit the Daily Mash website for more hilarious articles but cautious of the language if you are of a delicate nature.

Take a look at the Daily Mash Site

2 X ROD STEWART TOP ELEVENS OF THE DAY

TOP ELEVEN ROD STEWART SINGLES

1              Maggie May

2              Da Ya Think I’m Sexy?

3              Sailing

4              Gasoline Alley

5              Handbags and Gladrags

6              Baby Jane

7              Every Picture Tells a Story

8              Reason to Believe

9              You’re in My Heart

10           I Don’t Want to Talk About It

11           Stay With Me

TOP ELEVEN ROD STEWART ALBUMS

 

1              Every Picture Tells a Story                                                1971

2              Never a Dull Moment                                                        1972

3              A Night on the Town                                                          1976

4              Gasoline Alley                                                                      1970

5              Foot Loose & Fancy Free                                                   1977

6              Atlantic Crossing                                                                 1975

7              Tonight I’m Yours                                                               1981

8              An Old Raincoat Won’t Ever Let You Down                 1969

9              A Spanner in the Works                                                     1995

10           Vagabond Heart                                                                  1991

11           Blondes Have More Fun                                                    1978

REMEMBER: The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

– Nicolas Chamfort

 

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE FOR THE DAY

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” —Marcus Aurelius

HAPPINESS IS…

Happiness is…filling potholes in down your street.

GRANDAD’S ONE LINER JOKE OF THE DAY

What did the shy pebble wish for? That he was a little boulder.

LOVE IS…

Love is…making sure he takes his medicine.

TURN…TURN…TURN!

A time to listen to the Every Picture Tells a Story Album…A time to listen to the Gasoline Alley Album.

 

 

 

 

 

 

©2022 Phil M Robinson