Hi George here.

Welcome to my world. Won’t you come on in?

This week’s been a week of babysitting grandparents of both kinds. And shivering with coldness (due to a bug). And Valentine’s Day. And preparing for Cousin Ewan’s Birthday.

If that’s not exciting enough, which as you can see it clearly is not and is mind numbingly boring except Cousin Ewan’s birthday, we broke up from nursery for Cousin Ewan’s Birthday holiday.

I’m always grateful to my Cousin Ewan demanding to be born when he was. Because he was born at this time we are given a week’s holiday to celebrate it. Before he was born there was no holiday from Nursery and schools in February. It was a long stretch for the school term from the beginning of January until Easter.

Because Cousin Ewan was born in mid-February the Queen of England said, “Joyous, merrymous! Unto us a child is born. I declare Mid February to be a week long holiday celebration for School Teachers, so Ewan’s Mum can arrange his party.”

And so February half term was created.

When I was born the Robinson Family Clan of which I am a fully paid up key member. No, I don’t get that either. My name is Reed. Grandad Robinson must have faked it. He’s the King of faking you know.

Mamma and my Dad and Uncle Ian are always saying “Grandad Robinson is a right little faker”.

Anyway, I diversify, when I was born the Robinson Family Clan of which I am a key member was a bit baby fatigued. I was the fourth of four new borns in four years. None of the Clan have much staying power and get bored easy. So I believe it was a case of “Oh no, not another one. How do you stop them coming?”

Grandad Robinson issued every member of the Clan with a book titled ”How To Stop Having Babies For Dummies” or was it “How to Stop Having Dummies For Babies”

For some reason things dried up and the responsibility for babies seemed to pass to Uncle Steve and Auntie Jayne and Uncle Chris and Auntie Parvene.

But anyway I was the last one and consequently they’d lost interest in babies by the time I arrived. No holiday pronounced for my birthday, just a two day poxy Nottinghamshire County Show (agricultural show). Which may be the best thing in the world since sliced apple for Grandad Robinson but it’s just a mediocre day out with farm animals and ice creams for the rest of us.

You see what pees me off is many things but this in particular: Cousin Rory was born and so they introduce Goose Fair, October Half Term Holiday and Halloween to celebrate. Ok, Half Term & Halloween are a bit after the day but you’ve got to realise this is Auntie JuJu we are talking about as his mother with the “Better-late-than-never” syndrome lifestyle. And Rory was the first born grandson so that’s all ok and fair enough.

Next came Sister Freya, 24th December so they invented Christmas and a two week holiday sensation to celebrate her birth.

Next Cousin Ewan popped up so they introduced Valentine’s Day and February Half Term. Can you see how the enthusiasm is dwindling?

Finally me and there is zilch holidays and  just an agricultural show to celebrate !

Not to worry I’m made of tough stuff  than that. I can cope. If I can accidentally fall off the settee and bang my head and cry, I’m sure I can handle this one.

Changing the subject completely, the mainstay of my week was Grandparent Sitting even though I was suffering from a bug. But you have to soldier on. These grandparents won’t sit themselves. But what to do with them, that’s always the problem. They are so demanding.

On Wednesday, I thought I’d take Mamma and Grandad to Lincoln. I know that’s taking them onto Nanny and Grandad’s patch which you shouldn’t do. But I wanted to give them a little culture. Let them have a taste of the good life.

You see Mamma and Grandad live a very sheltered life in a place called Hucknall. I agree, no one’s heard of it. It’s famous for only four things: 1.                Lord Byron. But he thought Hucknall was so yukky he decided to live 5 miles away at Newstead Abbey. He was supposedly famous for writing poetry but it was crap poetry. It didn’t even rhyme. It was not good poetry like Michael Rosen’s.

  1. Linda Lovelace, Byron’s daughter. (Grandad interruption: No, Ada Lovelace). She invented the computer. But to be fair if you lived in Hucknall there’s nothing to do so you need a computer.
  2. Tesco. 4.             Costa.

And that’s it. If your Mamma and Grandad don’t live there you’ve got no reason to go.

To be fair, the authorities realise Hucknall is mind blowingly boring and that residents need a route for a fast exit so they have arranged every method of transportation to get you out of Hucknall quick: train, tram, bus and taxi.

Lincoln on the other hand has:

  1. Waterstones
  2. Mr Entertainer
  3. M&S
  4. 2 x The Works
  5. WHS
  6. Costa
  7. McDonalds
  8. Specsavers
  9. Pre-loved Book Shops
  10. Debenhams
  11. HMV
  12. Sainsburys
  13. Tesco
  14. Lidl
  15. Fat Face
  16. Joules
  17. Hotel Chocolat
  18. Clinton Cards
  19. Imperial Teas Of Lincoln Ironically they sell brilliant coffee beans to take home and cook
  20. Transport Museum
  21. A mariner with a rivery thing running through the town and barge trips
  22. Thorntons
  23. Antique Shops
  24. A Big Steep Hill

And even a huge cathedral

And a Castle

And a Prison

And a University where clever people go

And a Hospital

And wait for this they even have the jewel in the crown for any city A BANK! Yes a really live Bank with people to serve you like in the olden days.

Mamma and Grandad could not believe the place I had taken them to and were amazed such it existed. Grandad said he’d seen such places on TV documentaries but did not believe they really existed.

To be honest I had taken them before but unfortunately at their age short term memory is a problem and non-existent. As is mid-term memory and long term memory, poor dears.

The purpose of the day was to get Cousin Ewan a birthday card and birthday book and we achieved that one. Mind, I had to step in and assert my authority. They were going to buy him a Spiderman card.

“Whoa, whoa.” I intervened. “None of that, Spiderman is my domain.”

So they did not buy it. The sheer cheek of it. You try to bring culture and quality to their dull grey lives and they throw it back in your face and rub your nose in it.

We ate at the exquisite classy foodery known as Debenhams. I was a bit hot and cold about the food but later realised I had a high temperature and Sister Freya’s bug which was making me go hot and cold.

I was going to tell you about the next day when I had to have an emergency day off nursery to babysit Mamma and Grandad at their home at Hucknall which was a bit of a contrast, but Grandad says I’ve run out of words. Probably a good thing. It would depress you and you need to be on a high for Cousin Ewan’s birthday.

So, Bye Bye, George.



Compliment her shoes.


Happiness is…Lincoln


What do you call a green bird that sits in a cage and sings. A. An unripe canary


Love is… what helps you survive


Dancing In The Street – David Bowie & Mick Jagger

Highest Chart Position: No.1 7th September 1985


Hippo Day

No One Eats Alone Day

Singles Awareness Day

Gumdrop Day


©2019 Phil M Robinson &