Hi George here. Welcome to my world. Won’t you come on in?


It seems awhile since I last blogged. But I’ve been busy. There’s been a lot happening in life.


You see if I am going to write interesting blogs I need to be doing lots of interesting things. If I am doing interesting things I do not have time to write interesting blogs. A catch 22 situation. Get it.


Grandad has taught me, no, insisted, that I pack my life full of action and experiences. I instantly took note. I do not want to get to his age looking back on my life thinking is that all I’ve done and experienced. Boring!


I want to say “Wow! At least I’ve experienced everything in life you possible can do and some.”


To achieve that there is no time to sleep. A waste of life is sleeping so I try to make sure I sleep as little as possible.


First I (or we as a family) went to a christening. No, not that christening, ours was better than any royal christening. For a start I was the only George at this one.


Rule #1 of life don’t put yourself in a position where you can’t be the best and No.1. At the christening I went to there was only one George to focus on… me. If we’d had gone to the royal christening all the focus would have been on that other little s*** named George. I would have been ignored. Big mistake.


We must have got an invite but Mum and Dad sent a refusal. Quite right, too.


The star of our christening was my cousin Erin. She’s a girl. She taught me a major life lesson. Cousins can be girls as well as boys. Until Erin came along I thought only sisters could be girls like Sister Freya and that cousins had to be boys, like Cousin Rory, Cousin Ewan and Cousin Finley.


When Erin was born I thought what have I done to deserve this, another sister? Why can’t I have a brother? But mum then explained she was a cousin like Cousin Rory and Cousin Ewan and Cousin Finley. Life is strange.


I have to say she’s pretty brilliant as a girl though. She doesn’t pull me around all over the place or make me play families or insist that everything on TV is Disney Princess movies for hours and hours.


So Cousin Erin I think we are gonna get on fine.


But what strange things christenings are. Everyone including me is dressed up smarter than Brian Smart wearing new, best, posh frocks and then this stranger (strange being the operative word) throws water all over the victim’s (in this case Cousin Erin’s) head and all the adults laugh and think it’s great.


If I’d thrown water over her I would have got into big trouble, I know because it’s always happening.


I did not appreciate my own christening. I was too young and insecure and inexperience with life. I did not capitalise on being the centre of attention.


When the water was thrown at me I did not make a scene but nonchalantly took it in my stride. In hindsight I realise I should have objected and screamed the place down.


After Cousin Erin had the bucket of water thrown over her (that is such an old fashion 70s & 80s Tizwas stunt) we went to her gran’s and grandad’s place and had a party with a cake but Aunty Jayne had forgot to put candles on it. Grownups are a bit forget like that, they don’t realise how it spoils it for us children.


A week earlier we went to Cousin Finley’s birthday party. Auntie Jayne remembered candles on the cake for his birthday party. The cake was fantastic a cow-pig cake. At the party there was a terrific bouncy castle with a ball pool!


Mamma and Grandad took me and Sister Freya. Nanny and Grandad were there too.


It was to celebrate Finley’s 2nd birthday. That means he is now officially allowed to say he’s two years old, the same as I am. I’m so pleased. I became two in May. I’ve always been the same age as Finley, then all of a sudden I was two years old and he was still one. I don’t know what went wrong, either his mum and dad forgot to make him two or my mum was a bit over zealous to make me two. Again, grownups, their actions take some understanding.


When Cousin Ewan went on holiday recently he pulled off this amazing stunt, ended up at A&E and got himself an amazing teddybear. He said it was simply the best time of his life. Cousin Rory went with him and he agreed even though he didn’t get a teddybear. Apparently the A&E department want blood before they’ll give you a teddybear. Yes, your own, real blood.


Ewan ran into the corner of a TV stand to pull his stunt off. I’m sure I’m capable of that, easey, peasey lemon squeezy.


As a toddler it is important that you do all your own stunts: falling over, falling off bikes and ride-ons, falling off chairs, head banging, I even tried climbing onto the table but Dad caught me. Anyway, I’ve been trying so hard to get to A&E I even faked earache but although I’ve had lots of near misses I’ve not been award a teddy yet.


The best bit about a good stunt is you become the centre of attention and you get loads of extra hugs from Mummy, Mamma and Nanny. I love it.


I hate having my photograph taken, don’t you? I used to love it, but Mamma taught me to hate it and avoid it at all costs.


Grandad had a photoshoot of the family for his birthday. Why would you want that when you could have cars and books? And he didn’t have candles on his birthday cake. Grownups! They take some understanding. I do not think I ever will understand them.


We went to a photographic studio in Nottingham, Mamma and Grandad, The Monks family, and us. This guy then took our photograph. Why? What is wrong with a selfie on a phone? I ignored him. But the studio was exciting, a bit like an activity centre. I loved the stairs which were part of a set. I thought they were perfect for me to practice my climbing stairs skills and even better for doing toddler stunts like falling from top to bottom.


The best thing about these stairs was that it was difficult for adults to get to you. That’s what you want.  I was so excited, just imagine the life experiences awaiting my discovery when I explored the rooms at the top of the stairs. The downside was that the stairs only went up to the ceiling you couldn’t get any further. You just got to the top of the stairs and you hit your head on the plasterboard.


What’s that all about, then? What is the point? I repeat myself, grownups, eh?


Sister Freya pulled one of her teeth out. She is so brave. I think she did it for the money. The tooth fairy exchanged it for £2. Money doesn’t mean that much to me. I thought I heard and saw the tooth fairy but it was Dad going to the toilet in the dark. He looked just like a tooth fairy.


There is so much more I am longing to tell you but I’ve run out of my word allowance.


One thing of course is the Football World Cup. It’s so upsetting to see your Dad cry. But that’s another blog for another day.


Bye Bye, George X


PS: The most important thing I need to tell you is that Waffle the Wonder Dog has a new series on Cbeebies. Can things get any better?

George thought he saw the tooth fairy
George thought he saw the tooth fairy


I am grateful for nights that turned into mornings, friends that turned into family, and dreams that turned into reality.


Happiness is…an Auntie Jayne cake


A boss announces to his staff: “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!” A voice in the background says: “I’m offering 200!”


Love is…listening to music while hot-tubbing together


The Sun Is Shining – Bob Marley vs Funk Star De Luxe

Highest Chart Position: No.3 25th September 1999

©2018 Phil M Robinson