Hi, George here. Welcome to my world. Won’t you come on in?


Wow! This amazing but strange thing happened to me last week. The greatest ever thing to happen in my whole complete life! Well it was on that particular day.


The day was Tuesday and I woke up at 3.30am as usual ready to wake the household but I felt it in my gut that it was a smidgen too early. So, I lay there dreading the day ahead of me at nursery and dreaming of the day I won the lottery so I did not have to face nursery any more.


There were a few holes in my lottery win dream:

  1. I don’t do the lottery
  2. I do not have a clue what the lottery is all about
  3. I do not have enough money to buy a lottery ticket
  4. I’m not sure how I go about buying my freedom from the nursery
  5. I’m not of a legal age to buy a lottery ticket.


At 4.30am as the cock crows I could wait no longer and raised the household. They’d sleep all day if you let them.


As the morning progressed there seemed to be an air of expectancy and excitement everywhere but I just got on with life waiting for my being unceremoniously bundle off to nursery. Let’s face it that is what life is all about for most of us.


But just when I thought I needed to be getting my coat on there was a familiar very recognisable knock at the front door.


We are so poor that we do not have a door bell that plays various recognisable tunes or rings a bell even. And again because we are so poor our door knocker doesn’t tap out well known tunes. We can’t afford the royalties.


But I knew from the special knock that it was Grandad (and Mamma, they are always together like Batman & Robin).


But why I knew it was Grandad at the door is because he taps out Roy Orbison’s Greatest Hits in Morse code on the door knocker whilst posting his fingers through the letterbox and waving to us.

MAMMA & GRANDA They do try hard the dears!
They do try hard the dears!

I was so out of myself with excitement although sad in another way.


Grandad and Mamma are very, very old and you know what this means? They should be here Wednesday morning and today is Tuesday. They’ve both finally lost it. They are so old they don’t have a clue what day it is.


Ok, it may work in my favour today but when Mum and Dad realise the state of them they’ll ban us from being in their care and I’ll really be in the shit with even more nursery time allocated and Freya will get even more Breakfast Club time.


But then I learned it was all legitimate. Mum and Dad had arranged it to let Mum get away on a camping holiday with school. She’d gone Monday. I thought I didn’t see her Monday night but thought no more about it. Then Dad told me what was happening on Tuesday morning. He said I was going to Mamma and Grandad’s to stay over.


I could not believe it. This was the best night of my life so far this week, and I was going without Sister Freya. I was ecstatic, speechless, I could not believe it and I couldn’t speak (is that the same as speechless?).  For once I could demonstrate my independence as an individual person in my own right. One giant step for human rights.


Mamma took Sister Freya to school and then we set out on our amazing adventure.


The excitement made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end as I pretended to be playing truant from nursery, a truly satisfying big boy feeling.


But the excitement was short lived as Mamma drove into Waitrose car park at Newark. What is her obsession with Waitrose Supermarkets? Unlike the week before she wouldn’t buy me a comic and just came away with eight dead fishes. Not even a loaf of bread.


Thankfully we continued on with our journey and finally ended up at Mamma and Grandad’s house.


I kept visualising what crap I’d be going through at nursery which tripled the excitement of my day. This was especially so as Cousin Ewan quickly joined me from his pre-school. We have loads of laughs together. Even later, a  lot later on Cousin Rory joined us from school. Grandad said we were The Three Stooges or The Three Monarchs (mouth organ players) or The Bachelors or The Three Musketeers. We hadn’t a clue what he was talking about. But that’s par for the course.


We had our tea together with lashing of ice cream and black currant juice all topped with Thormton’s Chocolate Brownies.


At going home time Cousin Ewan and Cousin Rory had to go home and Mamma had to go to her Church Group, so, me and Grandad cuddled up together in a great big armchair and watched Spider Man and Lightning McQueen on YouTube TV. Heaven! Sheer Heaven! The way life is meant to be.


As the evening wore on I got very tired. I got so tired I was thinking I’ve been watching this all day and I’m ready for something different. Then I thought no, not different, but turned off, I’m so tired I just want to go to bed to sleep.


But then I looked at Grandad’s chubby smiling little face, he was enjoying every minute of Spider Man and Lightning McQueen on YouTube TV so much. I thought, no George you can’t be cruel and go to bed and leave Grandad by himself watching this on TV. You’ve got to push yourself and stay awake, even if it is just for Grandad.


But what thanks did I get for my self-sacrifice? Mamma came home at nine o’clock and was aghast saying “What are you still doing up, George Reed? Why aren’t you fast asleep in your bed?


“Come on, off to bed with you, this instant.”

I tried protesting my innocence, but you know Mamma as much as I do. Either she didn’t hear me or didn’t want to. I tried protesting but it was no use because the little Snow White bed in Mamma’s nursery is just right and so I slept it all up until it was light the next morning. It was nice for once not having the responsibility of waking the whole household. Grandad did that for me and I had a lie in for the first time in my long life.


Grandad asked me what I wanted for breakfast. I thought I’ll wind him up and I said ‘Pringles’ with my tongue in cheek and a bit of a chuckle. The only person more surprised than me when I got a dish full of Pringles for breakfast was Mamma. But I thought you can’t look a gift horse in the mouth and rapidly proceeded to eat every single last one of them.


Pringles may not be accepted breakfast fodder but it sure acted as good fibre fodder resulting in a major poo explosion clearing me out.


Knowing Grandad I was expecting a day of Spider Man and Lightning McQueen on YouTube TV. But because the sun was shining he decided he’d give Mamma a break and take me a walk. There are a couple of points of clarification required here.


Mamma didn’t need a rest from me but she did need one from Grandad. She said so. And it is Grandad not me that is doing all the walking. I just lie back in the buggy and sleep or pretend to sleep. I think I have told you about Grandad’s Guided Tour of Hucknall, Linby and Papplewick before where he shows us all the interesting places. As there are none I get bored and fake sleep. There are two versions the ‘Instant’ that takes three quarters of an hour or the ‘laboured’ which goes over the railway line. Here you have a 1 in 250 chance of seeing a train and if you are with Grandad a 2/1 chance of being hit by a train. Of course it was just my luck to be taken on the long circuit!


But at least it was beautiful sunshine.


After lunch we went home because we had to pick Sister Freya up from School. I fell asleep in Mamma’s car, well, Grandad tires me out. I do not know what I would do if I had to spend a week with him. He would exhaust me.


Dad came home from work too. Poor old Dad he had to keep working to keep the money rolling in when Mum just ups and away living it up at a whim on her camping holiday. I feel sorry for my Dad why didn’t Mum take him with her.


Anyway Mum came back that night, obviously a cheap two day break. But she didn’t look sun tanned or relaxed so I don’t think she took to staying in tent and cooking her meal on a campfire and singing campfire songs in the same way I would have done.


Next day I was back on the old treadmill, back to nursery again. But if there is one thing about life I have learned it is this you need these snatches of amazingly good bits of life to gets you through the rest of it.


BYE BYE George





1f you aren’t  confident, fake it. It will come.


Happiness is…Mum camping


I’m not old. I’m 25 plus shipping and handling


Love is… the past, the present and the future


American Pie – Don Maclean

Highest Chart Position: No.2 4th March 1972


Friday 29th March 2019

World Piano Day

Lemon Chiffon Cake Day

Niagara Falls Runs Dry Day

Smoke & Screens Day


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