GEORGE AGED 3 ½ BLOGS : ALEXA: WHY HAVEN’T WE GOT AN ALEXA

GEORGE AGED 3 ½ BLOGS : ALEXA: WHY HAVEN’T WE GOT AN ALEXA

jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG  11th January 2020

 Hi, George here. Welcome to 2020. Won’t you come on in? Happy New Year.

Do you know, I have had an amazing Christmas 2019 and New Year 2020. Have you? You probably read that Cousin Ewan did as he Blogged about it last week.

I enjoyed it so much I cannot wait to tell you all about it. I received so many presents for Christmas I don’t think I will be able to go to nursery in January because I don’t think you are allowed to start back to nursery until you’ve played with all your presents and toys you’ve received for Christmas.

I had so many that I believe it will be well into February. Although I do not think Mum knows there is such a rule because she took me and left me at nursery as normal this week. I sometimes wonder about my Mum (and Dad) they are not very street wise you know. I suspect they have done me out of at least 18 extra Nursery playday holidays (6 weeks x 3 days at nursery).

I even missed out on playing with my new Christmas toys on Wednesday when I babysat Mamma and Grandad. You know what old people are like when you are left to look after them, they are high maintenance and you always have to take them out somewhere. I did appeal to them to stay at my house so we could play with the toys Santa brought me for Christmas, but they still insisted on going out. So, I gave in and took them to Lincoln. It is as good a place as anywhere and certainly better than their normal choice, Hucknall.

This year I think the general Christmas theme was Sleeping Beauty. In last time’s blog I have already told you about me going to see the pantomime Sleeping Beauty at Newark with Nursery and how Grandad is always Sleeping Beauty, no matter what time of year. Well, on Monday 30th December our whole family, that’s ten of us, went to see the Nottingham Playhouse pantomime, also entitled “Sleeping Beauty”.

The main character was an old dame again, just like Mamma. She was funny like Mamma too and wore flamboyant clothes like Mamma. They did this bit where they asked Alexa how to make a rabbit pie. It was very funny, but Cousin Ewan found it funnier than me because they have an Alexa. He fell off his seat laughing.

My Mum and Dad don’t keep up to date with technology like Uncle Ian and Auntie JuJu. It is Auntie JuJu who keeps her finger on the pulse and ensures their family stays at technology’s cutting edge. Uncle Ian is working with technology on a daily basis and wants to forget it when he gets home.

I feel very deprived as a child without access to an Alexa. If I can’t find my favourite Spider man toy I had for Christmas or my beautiful big red car I have no Alexa to ask “Alexa, where’s my favourite Spider man toy?” and get an instant reply telling me where it is. Instead I have to spend hours searching for it. Spending time I just do not have to spare. I end up wasting valuable hours of my life.

Sometimes I am desperate to shout at the top of my voice “Alexa, what is Einstein’s Relativity Theory explained in 4 simple steps?” but it is pointless as I never ever get any response because we do not have an Alexa. And my many other questions about the meaning of life and so many other questions important to me, go unanswered. “Alexa, who will I marry? How many children will I have?” Silence!

Our car broke down on the Monday before Christmas. So, Christmas was a little weird this year. Fantastic, but fantastic and weird. First, we used Nanny and Grandad’s car. Which was brilliant because it is a red one. But then at some point we changed to Mamma’s car. A black one and boring.

Christmas Eve of course was Sister Freya’s birthday. Only Sister Freya would choose to have a birthday on Christmas Eve. I think she did it specially to wind me up and make it so that she gets double the amount of presents that I get.

Once we had celebrated her birthday, Dad went to work, and Christmas celebrations could start. We went to Mamma and Grandad’s. We spent Christmas Eve night at Mamma’s and Grandad’s with Mum.

I was very nervous that Santa wouldn’t know we were there and either leave our presents at home or not leave us any at all. So, we left a letter for him at home, explaining the situation and asking him to take our presents to Mamma and Grandad’s house.

But I was still concerned. The night before Christmas is not a good night to be away from home. Mamma drove the car taking us from our house to hers. I did feel more at ease as we were on the road near Gunthorpe and we all saw what we thought was a twinkling light in the sky. Mamma said it was Santa on his sleigh. Mum and Grandad confirmed it too. Then Grandad pointed out there was something that looked like a red light with it which was obviously Rudolf’s red nose glowing in the dark night sky. And if we watched carefully it was going in our direction. Straight to Mamma’s. I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Once at Mamma’s we put mince pies out for Santa and carrots for Rudolf and went to bed.

Cousin Ewan and I had made a pact not to go to sleep all night but to stay awake and see Santa filling our stockings. Not only that I did want to double check my list with him to make sure nothing had been omitted in the confusion of our changing venues.

On top of that if for any unlikely reason Santa had not realised, we were staying at Mamma’s for Christmas Eve Night until Christmas morning I could tell him and get him to leave my presents here. Ok, Grandad was on the naughty list and wouldn’t be getting any presents. But if all else failed Mamma is always, always good so Santa would be calling to leave her presents.

But like Ewan, Santa must have sprinkled his stardust on me. I know I stayed awake! But then it was morning and our stockings were full and our presents were here. How did that happen, then? The good news, they were at Mamma’s. Phew thank goodness.

Santa and Rudolf had left me and Sister Freya, both, a long five-page letter. I guess the letter was similar to the one they leave you and everyone else in the world. Ours was five pages long because things had not gone smoothly with us not being at home and sleeping at Mamma and Grandad’s. It took Santa five pages and lots of “bloomin’s” to tell us he didn’t realise we were not at home until he got there to leave our presents.

To cut a long letter short. Rudolf had been messing about and not passed our letter on to Santa so Santa made Rudolf take time out, no, sorry, ‘bloomin’ time out’. In a separate incident Rudolf tripped over our baby gate at the top of the stairs and somersaulted, ending up with his head down the toilet covered in poo.

Then when they reached Mamma and Grandad’s house Rudolf put the squirty cream that was meant for Santa’s mince pies on his own carrots and ate them. Yuk!

Santa seemed to leave us presents all over the place. One strange one was left at Fairy Godmother Emma and Prince Charming Daniel’s house. They sent this weird video on Mum and Dad’s phone showing where they seemed to be overrun by these infestations. You know what infestations are don’t you? Mice. These were the old-fashioned Disney characters Grandad raves about. They were talking a language that meant nothing to me, something about EuroDisney at Halloween. I suppose the two mice were a bit scary. They were enormous, wore clothes and had weird voices. Very spooky.

Freya was uncontrollably excited, but I just assumed that was the Fairy Godmother Emma effect. Mum and Dad was over excited too. No change there. They always are. Everybody, especially my Mum and my Dad seemed to be expecting me to go overboard too. But I didn’t see what was worth getting excited about. This Euro thingy majig just went over my head: “Alexa, why is everyone expecting me to be so excited about this Euro thingy majig?” No reply, (because we ain’t got a fecking Alexa).

I found it totally underwhelming. Yet, Freya could not have been more excited if it had been the most exciting place to visit in Europe.

When Fairy Godmother Emma and Prince Charming Daniel saw us at New Year, they gave Freya Minnie Mouse and me Mickey Mouse that were in the video. They don’t talk like in the video. Probably seeing us in the flesh was so scary for them which caused them to lose their voice.

Thankfully they gave us a present each that were the best in the world that Santa had left at their house. An amazing best ever Spider man car for me and an Eliza dressing up outfit for Freya. Ok, I know we confused things because we weren’t home when Santa came to call. But why drop my bestist present off at Fairy Godmother Emma and Prince Charming Daniel’s house. Grandad says Santa goes to Fairy Godmother Emma and Prince Charming Daniel’s house long after their house and he probably found it had fallen out of our sack. I do think  Santa is getting past it.  Probably he’s ready for retirement and the system needs automating.

Sister Freya is still over the top with excitement but I still don’t get.

I guess that’s life.

Well instead of reminiscing I should be respectful to my new toys and go play with them.

So, please excuse me.

Bye Bye George.

 

 

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE FOR THE DAY

He who dies with the most toys is still dead. – Anon

HAPPINESS IS…

Happiness is…Euro Disney

GRANDAD’S ONE LINER JOKE OF THE DAY

Q; What was the name of the chef’s son? A: Stew

LOVE IS…

Love is… rock solid

 

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©2020 Phil M Robinson