GEORGE AGED 3 ½ BLOGS BLACK & WHITE BLOG Saturday 7th March 2020

Hi, George aged 3 ½ here. Welcome to my world. Won’t you come on in?

Do you know the last time I blogged was 25th January 2020 and it is now 7th March 2020. Just like that.

Te problem is not me being lazy and doing nothing I have had an amazing programme of events filling my life. So many there is no room to squeeze them all up here.

It is the scallywag of a cousin of mine Cousin Ewan Monks. He has been hogging the Blogging time under the pretence that it is his fifth birthday.

Ok, I’ll accept that I guess it was his birthday. And alright he was lucky this one was his fifth. But what’s so special, everyone has a fifth birthday.

Even Grandad had one. Well, he thinks he did but he’s so old he can’t remember.

I do doubt it as to whether Grandad did have a fifth birthday, though. He has snapshots of everything in his life. But he does not have one where he is at McDonalds on his 5th Birthday and none of his 5th birthday party or his 5Th Birthday Cake.

I realise he does not have any friends, but you know my Grandad he would not have been able to miss taking a few photographs of the day with his camera or phone.

I rest my case no more proof is needed to justify my belief that Grandad has never had a 5th birthday. He is way too old. Probably 5th birthdays had not been invented in his day.

But 5th birthdays don’t impress me none, do they you? Because I’ve not had mine yet does not make me any lesser a person. Although, I suppose it dose by one year three months.

But I like being young I don’t need to be 5 years old wishing my life away. Anyway, I only have 427 sleeps to go until I’m 5 years old.

The problem with writing my Blog is Grandad. He is my manager, my editor, my media controller and my grandad.

The trouble with editors is that they are all controlling. If you watch BBC News you only get to hear about the news the BBC editor thinks you should hear or more importantly decides you should learn about. That goes for the Daily Mail editor if you read the Daily Mail and the Sun, Daily Mirror, Times, Telegraph, Guardian, Sky News, ITV news and any other media. It is all biased to what their editors want you to know about.

The problem I have is that because of Grandad’s editorial policies he does not reflect my full wholesome life and tends only to allow into the Blog things that he and Mamma are involved with.

For example, every day I have a fair quota of Peppa Pig on my tablet. But does he allow me to talk about it in the Blog? No.

The Peppa Pig TV series is a documentary reflecting real life. It appears to be based on mine and Sister Freya’s life: a big sister (Peppa – Freya). A younger brother notice I am younger not little, because I am big, named George. I have a silly Daddy who tosses pancakes that stick on the ceiling. And a boringly sensible Mum.

I spend three out of my seven days a week at nursery. Do any of my nursery adventures find their way into my Blog? No.

I swim on a Monday; I do loads of exciting things at the weekend. I am in big demand socially to attend parties. Do you read about that in my Blog? No.

I spend time with Cousins Rory and Ewan, and you read some of that but not the very best of times. But what about the good times I have with Cousin Erin and Cousin Finley. Why does he censor that?

And then of course there is Nanny and Grandad. I have loads of good times with them, but he never puts that in the Blog. I honestly believe that is due to jealousy. I cannot hide the fact that I have a better time with them. Just think about it, it is obvious. Nanny and Grandad live at Lincoln not Hucknall. Lincoln is a city, Hucknall is a town. The football Team is brilliant Lincoln City FC not Hucknall Town FC. The food is better at Nanny’s house. Nanny and Grandad live next to a professional football ground. Grandma and Grandad live next to an amateur cricket pitch. There is a Smyths Toy Superstore in Lincoln. Hucknall only has a Wilkos. All my life there has been a McDonalds at Lincoln. When I was a young babe in arms my mum would take me to McDonalds in Lincoln and breastfeed me because she knew how much I liked to feed at McDonalds.

Hucknall has only just got around to opening its first McDonalds in December 2019.

The reason I’m having this meltdown is because of how Grandad has edited today’s Blog. Since 25th January I have had 42 sleeps. I have done so much awesome (Grandad says I shouldn’t use that word as it is overused but it’s the only word that describes my life) stuff. I’ve done golf, swimming, lots of soft play, out for lots of different food, I even went to Robin Hood’s Bay and Scarborough. We even survived floods and three storms! I know many of the 6 weeks were spent celebrating Cousin Ewan’s birthday too, but he’s already told you all about that.

But all Grandad has focussed on is last Wednesday. A strange day for a Mamma and Grandad Minding Day.

Grandad and Mamma just could not be arsed to come to our house as they normally do on a Wednesday. My poor old Mum had to get up early to take me to their house. I even felt sorry for poor old Sister Freya and that is something you won’t hear me say every day. Because Grandad was so lazy, she had to go to breakfast club.

Grandad had a cold and I thought we would cheer him up with some songs. We ended up singing the Fireman Sam theme tune. Fireman Sam is a favourite TV and book character of mine.

It was one of Prince George’s favourite characters too when he was four. I’m only three so do you think I am brighter than Prince George? William previously said that his son has taken “an awful lot of interest” in the popular children’s TV show. Producers even created a one-off special to celebrate the show’s 30th anniversary in 2017, titled The Prince of Pontypandy, in a nod to George’s love of the show. Do you think they’ll do a Fireman Sam programme specially for me?

Anyway, Grandad was singing what he said was the theme song of Fireman Sam.

He sang:

Fireman Sam,

Fireman Sam,

Fireman Sam and his black and white cat.

I told him Fireman Sam had a black and white dog not a black and white cat. Anyway, he was singing the Post Man Pat theme song but singing the words Fireman Sam instead of Postman Pat. That doesn’t make it the Fireman Sam theme song.

But then Grandad made this great big claim. He said he used to have a black and white dog.

I don’t think he was joking because everything was black and white when he was young. Do you know they lived a weird life in those days?  They chose to have TVs with a black and white picture and photographs that were black and white. I think it was a sort of artistic snobbery not to have colour. So, I think he would have a black and white dog.

Talking black and white we moved on to play dominoes. I needed to put a four down. So, I put down a double two. I had problems convincing grandad that 2X2 was 4. He is not good with numbers. Grandad is such a cheat.

The day was beautiful and sunny with clear blue skies so, me and Mamma hit the shops. Or SHOP, remember this is Hucknall, Mamma and Grandad’s remote territory.

It has been ages since I’d seen the sun shining. It has been a long, hard, wet winter.

“Mamma, the sun is shining” I said sliding my foot in the white frost on the ground. “Can we have the paddling pool out?”

Do you know she had the audacity to say “No. It’s too cold.”

How could it be the sun was shining. Old people just don’t get it. They make you want to weep. And I did.

The next thing that happened I just could not believe. I was so disgusted with and you will be too.

I had taken the trouble to get up early that morning, Sister Freya had reluctantly gone to Breakfast Club and Mum had gone to the trouble of getting up early too and taking me over to babysit Mamma and Grandad. But then halfway through the session when it was time for Mamma and Grandad to return home with me, Grandad ups and goes off to an hospital appointment.

How ungrateful and inconsiderate is that? He obviously prefers the hospital’s company to mine. But in true style Mamma stuck by me.

Not to worry, though, every dog has its day, be it a black and white one or colour one. It’s someone’s birthday in a month’s time. Grandad hates clothes as a present. Maybe he’ll appreciate a pair of socks to go to his hospital appointments in.

Just excuse me whilst I nip out to buy him some.

Bye Bye. George.




“Life has two rules: #1 Never quit #2 Always remember rule # 1.” – Unknown


Happiness is…getting the paddling pool out


Q:  What can you hold without touching?

A:  Your breath


Love is… walking into something big




©2020 Phil M Robinson