Hi, George here. Welcome to my world. Won’t you come on in.

Last weekend I was all excited because we were going to stay with Nanny and Grandad whilst Mum and Dad stayed in a hotel at Sheffield. But everyone ended up sick except me and we had to stay home. If that was not bad enough, they then all blamed me for bringing the bug home in the first place. But that was ages before, like Thursday night and Sister Freya, Mum and Dad were not ill until Saturday. How could it possibly be me?

As I look after Mamma and Grandad on a Wednesday, you’d think I’d be in charge. But am I buggery. They have very manipulative ways. So, I was most surprised that this last Wednesday I had a dream day out with them. Yes, we ended up at Lincoln, one of my favourite cities (you’ll find I proudly wear the Lincoln City Football Club scarf). Grandad and Nanny always take me there but it’s very rare that Grandad and Mamma do.

But even better than going to Lincoln, if anything could be better, we spent the day at Smyths the Greatest Toy Superstore ever. A dream come true for me.

Jack Frost had been in the early hours of Wednesday morning. Did you know he is so mischievous he goes around in the night with a paint brush and a pot of white frost that looks like white paint and paints everything white. Our lawn and garden, all the equipment at the park everyone’s garden and all the trees. Even everyone’s car. You can’t see it on our car because Mum and Dad sensibly bought a white car. But you should see Mamma’s black car. And all the red ones like Grandad’s look white.

When Jack Frost has been around Mamma’s and Grandad’s cars look the same colour as my Mum’s car. That makes Mamma swear and yet, she doesn’t swear usually apart from at Grandad.

My Dad says if ever he caught up with Jack Frost, he would put him in time out for being so naughty doing all that painting.

Did you know Jack Frost nips your nose, fingers and toes too, hurting them and making them feel like ice cubes?

To ensure that Jack Frost could not get me I wrapped my red and white Lincoln City Football Club scarf around my neck. The scarf is also an important safety feature when visiting Lincoln city.

But by the time we were in the car and on the way to Lincoln the beautiful sun was shining brightly on to me. I had a hard time recognising it. I’ve not seen it for such a long time I didn’t know what it was, I thought someone had left the light on.

I took over from Mamma’s satnav. Cousin Ewan does the same because we are far better at being satnavs than the real thing.

I told Mamma and Grandad our satnav has a silly name “Tom Tom”. Why can’t they just call it “Tom”, one name. Two is silly. Imagine calling me “George George”. You just wouldn’t, would you?

And Tom is a boy’s name, but the voice is female. But some people would say I’m being sexist.

And what do you know, Mamma’s satnav is called ‘Tom Tom’ too. How weird is that? With all these things wrong with the satnav how can you depend on it to give you accurate directions? And correct directions are crucial if we are going to the greatest toy superstore ‘Smyths’.

So, I took over as the satnav. Just call me “George George” if it makes you feel any easier.

“We’ve got to go down the A2.” I told Mamma. Not that I had a map, I just had this gut feeling.

I had to tell Mamma and Grandad that the road we were going down was the road we go down to my Nanny’s house. They are so dumb they didn’t even know that. Yet, everybody in the world knows that it is the road you go down to Nanny’s house.

Another frustrating thing about Mamma and Grandad is their slowness to cotton on and get real. I directed them right into Smyth’s Toy Superstore car park and we parked in front of the toy superstore and the sign saying ‘Smyths’. And Mamma said “Where is it? I think I need to turn around and go up the road.”

I panicked and shouted, “It’s THERE!”

It was not even “behind you!” like in the pantomime. It was “in front of you!”.

I cannot describe my excitement. I tumbled out of the car. Grandad grabbed my hand and we had to walk, nicely, (half running) and sedately into the toy superstore.

Why wasn’t Mamma and Grandad as excited as me. Although I could feel the vibes and the tremble of Grandad’s eagerness. But he was being repressed by Mamma.

Inside the store it took my breath away. It was mind-blowingly awesome. Toys everywhere you looked on shelves that reached from floor to ceiling. The ceiling was almost as high as the sky, may be as high as the moon. So high that if I stood on:

Cousin Erin’s shoulders

And she stood on Cousin Finley’s shoulders

And he stood on Cousin Ewan’s shoulders

And he stood on Sister Freya’s shoulders

And she stood on Cousin Rory’s shoulder

And he stood on Uncle Steve’s shoulders

And he stood on Dad’s shoulders

And he stood on Uncle Ian’s shoulders

Even if we didn’t all fall off, I do not think we could reach the top shelf.

Ill let you into a little secret too. all the toys in all  Smyths Toy Superstores come a live. I know it’s true because I’ve seen a TV documentary about it. Follow these two links.

Smyths Toy Superstore Live

Smyths Superstore ‘Toys Day Out@

Mamma said our mission was to buy Ewan a birthday present for his up and coming birthday. The great thing about Ewan’s birthday is once his is out of the way mine’s next.

We went to the bike and ride in car section first. One of my favourite bits. There was a brilliant red bike, but Mamma said I’d just had one for Christmas. But I could have a second one. Mamma is not very dynamic in her thinking.

I then found this dynamic red sit in drive yourself Mercedes battery powered car. Mamma said it was too much money at £200.

Grandad’s such a patient man living with Mamma and her negative attitude. I would have dumped her long ago. It is a trait you don’t want and don’t have to put up with apparently if you are a Grandad and married to a Mamma with that attitude.

On the other hand, if it’s your Mamma who is negative, hard luck you are stuck with her for life (when life means life, not 10 years with good behaviour) and some and it is unfortunately one of the leading qualities that makes a  Mamma, a Mamma.

One thing about my Mamma and Grandad is they are generous to a fault. Mamma announced that as a special treat I could have any toy in the whole superstore as long as it did not cost more than a mighty £2. Yes, a whole £2 coin.

I scoured the whole toy superstore to find something totally different, unusual and something that broadened my horizons and took my toys into a universe I had never set foot in. I took a good hour or two to search and came up with a small Thomas the tank Engine engine.

Ok, I have a few Thomas the Tank Engines. Alright a few hundred. But this one had a slightly different pattern on the tender setting it apart from all the rest.

Mamma and Grandad did not see the importance of my choice and kept trying to tempt me with other items such as:



Angry Birds

Hot Wheels



Barbie Dolls (Barbie Dolls for me? Do I look a Barbie Doll kinda guy?)

Toy Story 4 characters

Star Wars


In the end they tried trading me a ‘Doughnut Car’ and a ‘Souped up Van’ to replace the Thomas toy. And I went for it.

Did you see my well calculated tactics there? I stuck out hard and fast for the Thomas which Mamma and Grandad thought was a silly purchase, which I knew secretly was a silly purchase but agreed to change once, due to sheer frustration, they had doubled up on the spend. And back of the net. I scored.

I also saw that they upped the budget for Cousin Ewan’s birthday which I helped them sort. That too may work in my favour.

By this time, I had the tummy rumbles. I needed food and fast.

“Where shall we go for lunch?” Mamma asked.

“McDonalds!’” What a silly question.

“I was thinking more top end luxury,” said Mamma negatively.

“Sainsbury’s.” I said. There’s real top cuisine in their coffee shop.

“Ok, we’ve never been to Sainsbury’s at Lincoln,” Said Mamma and Grandad

They have lived such a sheltered life poor soles but at least I am here now to open up life for them.

I do not expect anything in return I’m just pleased I am able to do it for them. I see it as giving something back to society.

Bye Bye, George.


“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” – Helen Keller


Happiness is…Smyths Toy Superstore (especially at Lincoln)


Knock, knock

Who’s there?


Luke who?

Luke out here comes another Knock, Knock Joke


Love is…accepting that no one is perfect




©2020 Phil M Robinson