Hi George here. Welcome to my world. Won’t you come on in?


I’m free, I’m free. Really, I mean I’m three, but it’s a Grandad joke with a play on words.


If you did not know I celebrated my third birthday on Wednesday 8th May 2019. If you’ve only just found out belated greetings, cards and presents or just pure money are still very welcome.


As you know over the last couple of weeks, eager though I was to Blog about my birthday, I had to Blog with Cousin Ewan about Grandad’s birthday.


This week I am free to Blog by myself and about my third birthday. So not only am I three (as in three years old), I am free (as in I am liberated and able to Blog whatever I want without Cousin Ewan guiding me). The irony or Grandad humour is that although they sound exactly the same the two words are spelt differently and mean different things: FREE and THREE.


The English language is so complicated. No wonder you have to go to school for a lifetime. You have to to to count to one trillion and  learn English.


Grandad is seventy years old and he says he is still learning English. But then again I suppose he is a slow learner.


English must have been invented by parents. That is why it is so complex and has double meanings and is very contradictory and difficult to understand just like parents. If English was simple with just one word for each thing and one meaning to that word we could learn it in one year and have the rest of our lives to have fun.


Grandad says English is brilliant fun. Grandad is a very sad person, don’t you think?


Anyway, my birthday! My third birthday was on Wednesday, 8th May 2019. It was amazing. I have never been three before and as I suspected I’ve been missing out a lot.


We had a week of celebration, no, more like 12 days, from Saturday, 4th May until Wednesday, 15th May. Now, I’ve had the time of my life, No, I never felt like this before. Yes I swear it’s the truth. And I owe it all to my family, ‘Cause I’ve had the time of my life, and I owe it all to them. I’ve been waiting for so long now I’ve finally found my third birthday. We saw the writing on the wall, I didn’t do it, it was Cousin Ewan, honestly, proving me and Cousin Ewan are real Dirty Dancers.


But you know me I’m George so that means I do have a couple of issues.


The first is I have to have a birthday and obviously I want a birthday. But who decided my birthday should be on 8th May 2019. It is so random, and badly thought out that it must have been Mum who decided. Mum makes all the decisions in my life. She always makes out it is her and Dad but I’m three now and know how these things work. I understand the behind the scenes activity. Mum is a control freak and makes out the decisions are jointly, her and Dad but she manipulates him.


There is no way Dad in his right mind would agree for me to have my birthday on the night of the Europe

UEFA Champions League – Semi Finals between Ajax FT         2 – Tottenham Hotspur   3 which means an all English UEFA Champions League Cup Final for the first time ever.


The 8th was a Wednesday a working day. I suppose it could have been worse, a Monday or even a nursery day. But you can see only a teacher could have organised my birthday on that day.


The second thing is I had to wait years for my birthday, or it seemed like it. From when I was two years old I had to wait another 50% of my life to become three. That is I had to wait for ½ of my life again before I had another birthday, my third. Grandad only had to wait 1/69th of his life from his sixty ninth birthday until his seventieth birthday.


So, to make that simple if that was in a 24 hour day, I would to wait the equivalent of 12 hours in that one day where as Grandad only had to wait 20.8 minutes. I love Grandad but you can understand why it winds me up.


The third thing is, and I’ve expressed this in previous Blogs, everyone else have been given brilliant special event holidays for their birthdays except me.


Cousin Rory has Goose Fair, October Half Term Holiday (a week) and Halloween. Sister Freya has Christmas (a two week holiday). Cousin Ewan has Valentine’s Day, February Half Term Holiday (a week).


What do I have? Newark & Notts Show (which is so low key no one takes me to) and May Day Bank Holiday (one day). Pathetic at the side of the others. But I have my theories. You see I was the last grandchild in a litter of four. The gilt had gone from the ginger bread. Babies had gone from the dream of little bundles of joy (Cousin Rory) to hard reality of massive bundles of actual physical s***. With Cousin Rory it was all new and a novelty, with me it’s a case of we’re bored, we’ve done it all before, three times over already!


And now I’ve got Prince Archie being born on 6th May 2019, edging in trying to piss on my parade, the little bugger. But I can soon sort him.


Anyway, enough of the negatives I start to sound like Grandad. Let’s look at the positives and as it was such a brill birthday there were millions of them.


  1. Saturday 4th May The whole family with two of our cousins went to Chatsworth Farmyard & Adventure Playground for the first day my of 3rd birthday celebrations and a picnic. Freya forgot to take her coat and had to wear Mamma’s. That was so funny. I then stroked a guinea pig and had close encounters, a bit too close for my liking with some of the bigger animals. Me and Cousin Rory loved all the pigs. Grandad bravely stroked this massive pig. He made it snort ever so loudly  and me and Cousin Ewan tried to make the same noise.


I saw a cow and everyone seemed to get excited about it being due to have a calf on my birthday 8th May. I wonder if they will call it George or maybe George II.


We then had a picnic and Mum brought out the traditional Road Kill Hedgehog Cake she makes for every birthday and important occasions. I see her Hedgehog Cake Days as Groundhog Day cake, if I knew what Groundhog Days were all about.

 Oh, my goodness, my Guinness, I’ve run out of word space and not even described my birthday. Come back tomorrow, please and read about the most incredible thing in the world I pulled off for my birthday, that I’ve being planning for a lifetime, well two and a half years. SEE TOMORROW’S POST GEORGE AGED 3 YEARS BLOG – 3rd BIRTHDAY Part 2

Bye Bye, George


“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.” – Gandalf, from Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring


Happiness is… George’s 3rd Birthday


Buy 2 get an extra 1 Free

  1. “The future ain’t what it used to be.” -Yogi Berra
  1. “Its so crowded, nobody comes here anymore.” -Yogi Berra
  1. Reminds me of “nobody drives in New York, there’s too much traffic”


Love is… having the right chemicals


(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life – Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes

Highest Chart Position: No.6 21st November 1987



Saturday 18th May 2019

Learn To Swim Day

World Fiddle Day

Plant A Lemon Tree Day

Visit Your Relatives Day

No Dirty Dishes Day

World Whisky Day


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