Hi George here. Welcome to my world. Won’t you come on in?

And what a strange old week this has been.

Everyone has had a week’s holiday from work, school and nursery and yet it is no one’s birthday. So what’s that all about? Is everyone a skiver?

I’ve explained very forthrightly recently, when it was my birthday that when it is someone’s birthday how there is always a major holiday to celebrate except when it is my birthday. But now we seem to have a major holiday but it’s no one’s birthday.

I really do not get it. The more I explore it and get deeper involved with life the more I do not understand it and it confuses me. I remember when I was in my infancy life was simple and uncomplicated. I drank milk, I filled nappies I slept lots and shed a few tears. And that was as complicated as life got.

On the other hand Grandad says I haven’t remembered because babies can’t. What has happened is I have listened to Grandad saying what I did and imagined it all.

Ok, fair enough I don’t mind being seen as someone with a vivid imagination. That bit Grandad is right about me, but he is definitely under estimating the powers of my memory. I think he will agree it is better than his.

As it has been no one’s birthday it has left a void, which is good because we had a clean canvas to have fun this week.

I thought I would therefore give you a run down on what I did with my leisure time.

I just have to say I wish we could have had a week celebrating Grandad’s birthday again, in Norfolk. As you know Cousin Ewan and I felt sorry for him, we could make his birthday more exciting and perfect it taking him to McDonalds for his party, and instead of Spiderman or Lightning McQueen coming to visit him or Mamma we could get Peter Rabbit or Postman Pat to turn up. And I think we should give him a real record player instead of a cake in the shape of one.

I told Mum I wanted to have Grandad’s birthday again. She laughed and ignored me as she usually does when I have fantastic ideas. That is due to her inferiority complex. It does her head in if she thinks I’m coming up with better ideas than her. And this was streets a head of any ideas she has ever had.

How did my week go, then?

Saturday was a bit of an ordinary, run of the mill Saturday. I imagine you will be saying, “Only you can change that situation”.

And if I had my own set of wheels and my own key to the front door I would agree with you. But I’ve not. What I do have is very strict parents who no matter how much I pester will not give on those two points.

I’ll tell you this too, and you will not believe this. They do not even allow Sister Freya a set of her own wheels or front door key either and she is six years old. That is how strict and protective and sad and misguided my parents are.

Anyway I am mindful you’ll get bored if I go in to detailing in real time about my Wild Card Week Of Nobody’s Birthday Holiday. So I will whizz through it in a ticker tape kind-a way.

Saturday:              I had to stay home debriefing Dad after his week away on a course for work whilst Mum and Sister Freya went on Sister Freya’s swimming lesson. Sister Freya came back with 9 swimming certificates. When looking for a family to be born into I misjudged this one. I should have chosen one with a thicker sibling like Grandad’s brother Uncle Peter did. Instead I made hard work for myself by choosing the family with bright spark Sister Freya in. I thought she got the brightness from her parents and so I thought that would happen to me. But no, she worked hard to shine, putting so much pressure on me.

To make me feel better Mum said they’d been saving them up as she won them. Doesn’t take away the fact I have to get them at some stage to keep up with her.

Sister Freya and me then went to Nanny and Grandad’s to stay the night. It’s all part of the respite care we get, to have a bit of a break from Mum and Dad otherwise it does our head in if we have to put up with Mum and Dad 24/7 365 days a year.

Uncle Steve and Auntie Jayne dropped in with Cousin Finley and Cousin Erin. I was going to be the first in the paddling pool, but Cousin Finley stopped me.

“Just be patient” he said.

Erin, then jumped in before me. But boy did she get reprimanded. She’d not taken her shoes off.

“There,” Finley said “Best let Sister Erin test the water, if you get my meaning.

I sure did because we let Erin go first we found out it was ok to go in the paddling pool as long as we took our shoes off, which meant we did not get into trouble. Nice one Finley.

“I use the technique all the time.” Said Finley.

Sunday:                                Mum and Dad collected us Sunday and I was relieved to find that Fairy Godmother Emma and Prince Charming Daniel had joined us. Fairy Godmother Emma is really Sister Freya’s Fairy Godmother, but Sister Freya shares her with me.

Fairy Godmother Emma is so brilliant. We have such fun with her and Prince Charming Daniel. She really is a real Fairy Godmother, you know. That is why we do not see her very often. Fairy Godmothers are busy people doing magic spells to make people’s lives good and happy.

Did you know Fairy Godmother Emma woke Prince Charming Daniel from a one year sleep with one hundred kisses or was it from a one hundred year sleep with one kiss.

Fairy Godmother Emma’s magic is so brilliant that she had four pet spiders that sung  “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” in a hideous continuous screech.  They got on her nerves so much she gave one to us for Christmas  and magiced the other three into three real dogs and named them after her spell, Izzy, Wizzy and Let’s Get Busy. But every time she shouted the dog’s names all sorts of random magic happened. So, she had to change the dog’s names to Izzy, Elisa & Maggie.

Monday:               We went to Skegness. I will not let it be said that my Mum and Dad don’t know how to show me and Sister Freya a good time. (Granddad says is that a double negative? No, No.)

But I took slight exception to our Mum and Dad taking us to Skegness beach paddling in the ice cold sea for one Zero Degrees Centigrade showery Bank Holiday Monday, When Cousin Rory & Cousin Ewan get to go to Filey and surrounding coast crabbing for a sun drenched week!

Tuesday:               Me and Sister Freya took Mum, Mamma & Grandad out for lunch. We had our haircuts first. You got to look smart that way you become smart. We took them to Stray’s Book Shop in Newark. We are not stupid it is a coffee shop too.

I know we are not very original taking them to somewhere they take us or me in particular every week. But as they do not take me anywhere else my world is restricted and I do not know where else to take them except McDonalds. Anyway, it was delicious I even had some chips. I don’t get them when Mamma and Grandad take me, but still no burgers.

Afterwards I allowed myself a little selfish indulgence for being so good to Mamma and Grandad, I visited the Toymaster store.

Wednesday:         We had a day out with Sister Freya’s school friends. Boring really but I put a brave face on it and paid lip service to joining in. It paid dividends with food at the end and a few adrenalin rush activities along the way, like log jumping and seat climbing.

Thursday:             Chill Day. – We should have been going to Filey to stay with Cousin Rory and Cousin Ewan. But Uncle Ian panicked and said he did not want us. He made the excuse they did not have enough beds. But I always sleep on the floor where I am at nursery or in my car seat. I’m a tough cookie. I need no bed! In the end I just sat around all day and night waiting until we can set off for the seaside town of Filey Friday morning.  I hope Uncle Ian feels guilty.

I love paddling in the sea, building sandcastles, riding the donkeys collecting sea water in my bucket and spade, scaring seagulls, catching crabs for Grandad’s tea, eating chips and burgers (in other words going to McDonalds) and getting so cold my teeth chatter uncontrollably.

Friday:                   Finally, the day I’ve been waiting for all week “At The Filey Seaside With Cousin Rory & Cousin Ewan”. Why couldn’t we have stayed the week like Cousin Rory & Cousin Ewan. Yet another fact of life I do not understand! Why don’t we have someone with intelligence making the decisions and managing this family, namely ME!

But it was a great day because we crammed a week into one day. I slept all the way there. Then I paddled in the sea, built sandcastles, rode the donkeys, collected sea water in my bucket and spade, scared seagulls, caught crabs for Grandad’s tea, ate chips and burgers (in other words went to McDonalds) and got so cold my teeth chattered uncontrollably. Perfect!

Saturday:              We are back to Saturday which is today and that has not happened yet. Dad’s at work and we have a regular start of Sister Freya’s swimming lesson. But after that life is set to turn interesting. It’s one of Mamma’s Girlie Days Out. Normally no males are allowed on them.

A bit sexist I always feel but then I’m a modern generation type a-guy. No men or males are normally allowed into the ‘mysterious’ and highly ‘secretive’ ‘Mamma’s Girls Day Out’. But Dad’s at work and Grandad’s Model Railway Exhibitioning so they have no choice but to take me, undercover. And gender neutral generation or not I ain’t wearing no dress.

I have a secret camera secreted about my person though to do secret undercover filming. I have given Panorama exclusive rights to my findings, but will also expose all on my Blog if it’s interesting enough which I suspect not.

I am looking forward to exposing what this secret gathering get up to, what they talk about, where they go and what skulduggery they perform out of sight of us men folk.

So, best not keep them waiting. I’ll get my hat, (Have you seen my Spiderman hat? Cool don’t you think?) Let the investigative reporting begin.

Bye Bye, George.


The climb is tough but the view from the top is worth it.


Happiness is…a Blank Canvas Week


Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other “Your round.” The other one says “So are you, you fat b*****d!”


“I remember asking Judith Kerr if the tiger symbolised the 1960s sexual revolution where normal mores and suburban life became upended by this wild and exotic creature. She told me no it was about a tiger coming to tea.” – Newsnight presenter Emily Maitlis talking about Judith Kerr the author of The Tiger Who Came To Tea.


Love is…wishing the music would never stop


Hero – Enrique

Highest Chart Position: No.1 2nd February 2002

Listen Here     Hero


Saturday 1st June 2019

Say Something Nice Day

World Milk Day

Trails Day

Go Barefoot Day

JUNE is – Camping Month

JUNE is – Soul Food Month




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