Hi George here. Welcome to my world. Won’t you come on in?

The end of the school year is racing towards us. Help, stop it, slow it down.

Dad is getting over excited about holidays. He always does. And so does Grandad. Although Dad’s always telling me how many days it is to our holiday but I have to tell Grandad. Although he’s excited he never knows how many days it is. Grandad has his own telephone, just the same as Dad so how come he doesn’t know.

The bottom line is he’s not as switched on as Dad.

But Mum doesn’t get quite so excited and nor does Mamma.

When I said racing, I meant it because in my three years of life experiences I have had to endure three lots of Sister Freya’s School Sports Days. Mum says two, but it feels like three.

Sister Freya’s School Sports Days are so boring.

They are always on days when I babysit Mamma and Grandad and I have other more exciting plans for them that are focussed on me. But no one cares about all the hours and effort I have put into my planning. That is all  scrapped.

I then have to sit on a school field for two and a half hours bored out of my mind. It is a huge school field and I have to stay rooted to one spot. Why?

I look longingly at the adventure playground which is out of bounds for me. And sheep are in the next field. Even they are free to roam. I desperately wish I was a sheep at this point.

Mum always manages to leave work and turn up to see Sister Freya’s School Sports Day, on all three occasions that I remember, (or two to everyone else). How does she pull that off when every single time she dumps me at nursery and never ever turns up in the middle of the day to see me?

So, if I focus on Freya’s School Sports Day 2019 so that you can fully understand how boring it is and what I had to go through.

Mamma and Grandad came as usual, early morning and all unsuspecting.

I was up and dressed, as usual it had been my responsibility to motivate the household into action earlier that morning.

Naturally Sister Freya was over the top with excitement, enthusiasm and anticipation about her School Sports Day.

Both me and Sister Freya had politely refused Mum’s offer of breakfast pancakes. On Wednesdays we like to start the day with Mamma’s porridge. Mamma’s porridge is amazing. It gives you superhuman powers. Just look at Grandad, he’s had a life of Mamma’s Porridge that’s why he has managed to outlive the dinosaurs. If dinosaurs had eaten up Mamma’s porridge they’d still be around today.

Sister Freya so needed Mamma’s Porridge if she was to stand any chance of winning any one of her three races.

After porridge naturally Sister Freya insisted we go out into the garden to practice racing. I had to agree as up until school time it is up to both of us to keep Mamma and Grandad occupied.

I usually hate Sister Freya’s School Sports Day Practices. I always feel so humiliated as I am always last, no matter what the race. But with Grandad there it becomes more fun. Grandad is a permanent loser.

Some people’s Grandad’s are fantastically fast runners and would purposefully slow down to allow their grandchildren to win. That’s not my grandad. He runs flat out and puts all his effort in to try and beat us but we still win. That’s why I feel good and enjoy School Sports Practice sessions with Grandad’s participation.

Part way through the practice the rain started. Never in my 3 years 2 months 3days of life have I ever welcomed the rain so much. School Sports Day will have to be cancelled!

Mamma tried to get Freya to change out of her green top to a pink one because there was porridge down the green one. Mamma is so naive. She did not know that Sister Freya had to wear a green top because she is in Green Team for School Sports Day. Everyone knows that, but Sister Freya soon explained to put her right. But I didn’t think it mattered as School Sports Day would be cancelled due to rain, anyway.

After a couple of minutes the rain stopped so we had to set out for school. I went in the buggy and took my Car of the Day with me, a Blue American sports car. If I had to put up with Sister Freya’s School Sport’s Day I thought I needed to do it in comfort and style.

We dumped Sister Freya in school for registration and went on the school field to sit it out. Mum came to join us.

Battleship grey clouds scudded across the deep blue sky. The sun peeped at us but saw it was Sister Freya’s School Sports Day and quickly hid behind the lumps of cotton wool. Are you bored with this yet? I am and was on the day and the sun was, even the clouds were, they were bored to tears which fell as rain.

Sister Freya won the Running Race, the Skipping Race and the Potato & Spoon Race. Not that I watched any of it. Why would anyone want to watch it? Mum videoed it for Dad but I think more from the viewpoint if I have to sit through this, boy oh boy, so will you. They have that endearing sort of relationship, looking out for one another.

I don’t quite see the point of a potato and spoon race. When do you ever have need to carry a potato on a spoon. Grandad says in his school days it was the egg and spoon race. He does not know why it has been changed. He thought it was probably due to political correctness or gender neutrality.

Meanwhile we had a live link to Cousin Rory’s School Sports Day (I’d not realised World Schools Sports Day was obviously being celebrated throughout the world. Was it 2nd Cousin JoJo’s School Sports Day in China too) Cousin Rory was 1st in his races. Hooray!

One of Freya’s male friends who was in the running race with her said the reason she won was because he had to wear his cap and that makes him run backwards or he would have won instead of only coming second.

I just know the feeling. That always happens to me.

The highlight of the day was when Mum bought Grandad a coffee and me a Mars Bar. Grandad said “A Mars a day helps you work, rest and play.” What a load of crap he talks, sometimes.

Anyway I’d just been lulled into a false sense of security and thinking it was all over when Mum said, “Come on, George, your turn, it’s the Toddler’s Race.”

My legs turned to jelly and then I froze.

This was a giant no, no on so many counts:

1)            I don’t race

2)            Grandad says Sports Days are rubbish and should be banned.

3)            Grandad says he has never ever in all his life won a race and even struggled to come in last every time. Sometimes he didn’t even manage that.

4)            Grandad says Sports Days are humiliating

5)            I would be watched by all the 100,000 people in this enormous crowd here

6)            People would photograph me – my pet hate

7)            I’d have to run

8)            Grandad didn’t go in the Grandparent’s Race

9)            Mamma didn’t go in the Grandparent’s Race

10)          What if I fell over and was a laughing stock

11)          A future teacher of mine may be watching and judging me

12)          I’d be a disappointment in my Dad’s eyes

13)          I would not only let my family down I would let myself down too

14)          It might rain

15)          I’m shy and bashful and grumpy

16)          I’d feel silly, mocked and ashamed

17)          Criticisms like you are not as good as your Sister Freya would be levied at me

18)          I had my hat on and it would delay me by making me run backwards

19)          It was my worst nightmare

20)          I simply could not be a****

I thought what would Cousin Ewan do in this situation? So I rolled myself into a little ball like a hedgehog and hid in my buggy kicking out and shouting “No! No! No!”

Mum gave in. I didn’t have to run. I can always rely on Cousin Ewan. His ways are best and always bring me success.

I thought there was no truer words spoken than the commentator who said “They think it’s all over… It is now”. Because, thankfully it was finally all over and we went home for lunch and to relax with a new book Mamma and Grandad had bought me “The 100 Decker Bus”. I don’t think it quite stacks up, do you? But I guess it’s better than the “Naughtiest Unicorn’s Sports Day”.

Byesie Bye, George



“You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don’t make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love doing, and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off you.” –  Maya Angelo


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Saturday 13th July 2019

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