Hi George here, writing for your sheer pleasure and enjoyment.

Welcome to my world. Won’t you come on in?

We, that is me, my Mum, my Dad and my Sister Freya are a very family orientated family. We do lots of things that involve big family get togethers. Sometimes, there are just the four of us, or sometimes as many as sixteen of us. Whichever, its always fantastic fun

We have major family get togethers for all the big events in the year: everyone’s birthdays, Christmas, New Year, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Easter, Summer Holiday, Halloween, Bonfire Night, Grandparents Day, Children’s Day (although I can never remember that ever happening), Grandad’s 70th Birthday and a new Star wars Film but best of all a new TOY Story Film.

Yes, on Friday we got together for the major event of going to see Toy Story 4. And not even at the local Newark cinema. It was deemed too special, so we travelled to The Odeon, Mansfield. That is the equivalent of The Odeon, Leicester Square, in our small colloquial world.

With the location and the calling together of  our clan, that’s all our extended family, you can understand what a major landmark this film showing is in my life.

Grandad and Nanny did not attend, nor Uncle Steve, Auntie Jayne Cousin Finley and Cousin Erin. I’m not sure why. Probably because my Dad was not there either.

My Dad’s work must be an amazing place. He has so much fun there because he goes all the time. Often if we are doing what I think are fun things at home he takes the decision to go to work, I guess because he has even more fun there. I can’t wait until I am old enough to go to work. I really feel I am missing out, because Mum’s often the same with her work.

Grandad and Nanny don’t go to work and Grandad and Mamma don’t. I think they are too old to face all the fun.

Anyway, back to Toy Story 4 – the film. Woody, Jessy and Buzz Lightyear live in my toy box now so I thought it would be interesting to see what they get up to when I’m in bed or at nursery or generally not around.

But my confusion is this. The film Toy Story 4 does not show our house or any of my other toys. It is like a dream world, a fantasy world far removed from my toy’s world and the world Woody, Jessy and Buzz Lightyear share with me.

Grandad says fantasy is what films and TV and media is all about.

That is so weird. Don’t take what he says too literally or you’ll start to question whether I actually write this blog

I said to Grandad, Ok, Woody, Jessy and Buzz Lightyear have adventures at my house now, so why aren’t all my cars, Lightning McQueen, Matey, Doc Hudson, Mac and Filmore with them. And my wooden model railway and all my books and my Play Doh and all my Lego and my Spidermen and… and…

But my Grandad said, remember it’s a fantasy, just a dream and then he went on about licensing and rights and such a load of b******, like he always does when he doesn’t know the real answer.

Anyway for some reason, unbeknown to me, someone has made up stories about my toys when they lead such adventurous, interesting lives anyway. It would have made an even better film if they’d have made it as a documentary of Woody, Jessy and Buzz Lightyear’s life after I had gone to bed at midnight.

The problem with all this is it brings into question every other single film I have seen in my three years of life.

Take Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. You start to question, did that really happen or is it a made up story?

Then there’s Trolls, Bing, Twirlywoos, Thomas the Tank Engine, Peter Rabbit and We’re Going On A Bear Hunt. You begin to question if they really happened in real life or are they just figments of people’s imagination.

But I know Peter Rabbit and Thomas the Tank Engine and the Gruffalo and Spiderman and Lightning McQueen are real because I have seen them and touched them. But I guess the stories could still be made up.

It was so serious I even questioned the Cars film, Star Wars (but Dad wouldn’t watch something that was not real and he knows Darth Vaderis for real) and, get this, I even questioned whether Spiderman was real. It was at that point I decided to pull myself together and get real. Of course Spiderman is real. Tut!

Any way I have wandered. Before going to the cinema we quite naturally went to McDonalds. As you know that’s mandatory when you go to the cinema.

Or, it is what most people do. But Mamma and Grandad didn’t.

Grandad was desperate to go. He was like… you know when you need a wee but what you are doing is too good to leave and it almost comes and you have to dance up and down and cross your legs until Mum gets cross and grabs you by the arm and says “George, you need a wee! GO TO THE TOILET!” (What gets me is how does she know? That special Mum’s intuition, I guess.)

Well, Grandad wanted to go to McDonalds just as bad, for tea. But instead of dragging him there Mamma was the sole cause of him not going because she had been out for lunch with her friends (and without Grandad) and didn’t want a McDonalds.

I felt guttered for Grandad. I spent ages trying to contact ‘GNAT Mac’ (Grandads Not Allowed To Go To McDonalds League), but I could not find their local branch. The NSPCG (National Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Grandads) appeared to be at lunch.

You may think like I used to do that McDonalds is the be all and end all for food. But it’s not. On Wednesday me, Mamma and Grandad went to Doddington Hall. (Where’s that I hear you ask? Doddington, of course.) And in the grounds is a cycle shop. Attached to the cycle shop is a Cyclists Coffee Shop. I had a mega sausage and tomato ketchup bap. Delicious! But what was best was the real bicycles hung all around, on the wall, hanging from the ceiling, everywhere. And more importantly, so many red ones. There were TVs everywhere with bike action films on them. There was so many bike themed accessories, too. You don’t get that at McDonalds.

I was so inspired I thought it would develop my interior design skills if I hung bicycles on my bedroom walls and ceiling. I could just picture it. But Mum refused. I think Dad could have been persuaded. I’ll just have to shelve that idea until I have a pad of my own. It will make a very unique dining room design I can impress any future partner with.

At McDonalds me Mum and Sister Freya met up with Cousin Rory and Cousin Ewan. Cousin Ewan came in his Buzz Lightyear suit which made me think. Why haven’t I got a Buzz Lightyear costume or a Woody costume or even a Bo Peep costume? (You have to keep it gender nuetral these days.)

After McDs we caught up with Mamma and Grandad at the cinema. Grandad looked thin and gaunt, racked theough hunger.

I’m not sure what happened to the red carpet leading to the cinema. Grandad said that was because it was not a premiere. Sometimes I think he speaks a different language to the rest of us. I think it’s because he’s lived through so many different periods of history: Neanderthal, Ice Age, Stone Age Ironage, Paleolithic Age, Neolithic Age etc., etc.

Finally, we settled in the dark to watch Toy Story 4.

I don’t know whether you’ve been to the cinema before, I have. In fact I’ve done most things in life now at my age.

But if you’ve not been I’ll describe it for you. I will even describe it if you have been.

There is this giant TV screen. So big that not even my Dad, who knows how to use all our TV remotes is not allowed a remote control for it. We could not have a TV screen that big as it is even bigger than our house.

There are hundreds of seats in front of it. Like if you are at home and Mum’s old school chums turn up and you have to get all the Emergency Chairs out of the garage. But there is so many that they include everybody’s Emergancy Chairs in the whole of Coddington.

If we had the screen in our garden it would be easy to pop into it and play with all the characters on TV, not just the toys as they all appear in Toy Story, life size. They do in fact go bigger than life size to gigantic. But that’s due to special magic crystals they throw over themselves that allows them to expand or contract in line with the world around you.

Because the TV is bigger than ginormous it has to have lots and lots more adverts. So many that makes your Mum say “George, stop wriggling in your seat and sit still.” But you can’t help it. That’s life.

The cinema is dark to make you think it’s midnight, but with no moon and stars just the massive TV and you sit and watch and watch… and watch the huge screen and you think you’ve been conned and it will never start.

When the film finally started I was a little puzzled that ok Woody was the main star but a plastic fork was the co star. Yes, a plastic fork.

Grandad said it was Pixar tring to keep the production budget costs down. It’s always about money and profits he said.

I know where the film is coming from, The toys we children make ourselves are pretty important to us. More important and we get more fun out of them than toys that cost pounds to buy, that is true. But I am capable of making something far better than that Forky. Forky looks so bad that it looks as if Grandad made it. Yes, it is that bad.

Come on Pixar/Disney give us kids more creative credit for our toy making skilss.

The film was 100 minutes long. So it didn’t finish until gone eight o’clock. That’s a long time to sit and watch Woody, Jessie, Buzz Lightyear and Forky, but they are worth it.

This was hours and hours past my bedtime of 7.30pm and we still had to drive home. But at least I could doze in my car seat, ok fall fast asleep until morning. Mum will wave her magic wand which will mean I wake up in bed at 4.30am Saturday morning – brilliant!

Meanwhile, a few facts about Toy Story:

The original first Toy Story is a 1995 American computer-animated adventure comedy film produced by Pixar Animation Studios and released by Walt Disney Pictures. The feature film directorial debut of John Lasseter, it was the first feature-length film to be entirely computer-animated, as well as the first feature film from Pixar. The screenplay was written by Joss Whedon, Andrew Stanton, Joel Cohen, and Alec Sokolow from a story by Lasseter, Stanton, Pete Docter, and Joe Ranft. The film features music by Randy Newman, and was executive-produced by Steve Jobs and Edwin Catmull. It features the voices of Tom Hanks, Tim Allen, Don Rickles, Wallace Shawn, John Ratzenberger, Jim Varney, Annie Potts, R. Lee Ermey, John Morris, Laurie Metcalf, and Erik von Detten.

TITLE                    OPEN DATE         RUN TIME           BUDGET               Box Office

Toy Story              Nov-95                  81 min                   $30m                     $373.6

Toy Story 2           Nov-99                  92 min                   $90m                     $497.4m

Toy Story 3           Jun-10                    103 min                 $200m                   $1.067bn

Toy Story 4           Jun-19                    100 min                 $200m                   $279.2m

With all those facts I think I have bored myself to sleep.

Night Night, George.



Words are life – The Book Thief


Happiness is…going to McDonalds, Doddington Hall Bike Shop Coffee Shop, and the cinema


Was the short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large?


Love is… Love is…when you’ve got it licked


You Know I’m No Good – Amy Winehouse

Highest Chart Position: No.18 20th January 2007


Saturday 29th June 2019

Cream Tea Day

Almond Butter Crunch Day

Armed Forces Day

International Mud Day

Camera Day

Waffle Iron Day

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