GEORGE AGED 4 BLOG – WILL SANTA SELF ISOLATE?
Hi, George here.
Welcome to my world. And no, you cannot come in.
Because we are in Lockdown II of course. Or is it Lockdown 2.0. But I really do not see the point of this lockdown. I thought it was to stop people dying. But it doesn’t. Boris Johnson doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
The last time I posted to my Blog was the 11th October. Life was so good then and we didn’t realise it and took it for granted. We were not in a proper lockdown. We could even meet up with 5 other people in the Rule of Six.
And although I didn’t even think about it, Uncle John was alive.
Now, sadly, all that has changed. And that is why I have gone six weeks without making a blog post – Because Uncle John died on Friday 23rd October 2020.
Uncle John was a legend! Uncle John was my hero! Uncle John was the nicest person you could ever hope to meet! And yes, I did meet him!!!
Like all real legend’s and heroes in your life, I only met him a few times, probably about three times, but he made such an impact on me that I have been forever in aura of him. He had the best toilet I have ever been to and he had this amazing toy parrot in a cage that repeated everything you said. He had an amazing selection of toys especially, to say he was an old fella.
He was Mamma’s brother and so his uniqueness was the fact that he was a male version of Mamma. And I loved him.
But he died. And we all cried.
It was so unfair because he self-isolated. But it wasn’t even Coronavirus that caused his death. He died of something else. How unfair is that?
It is a very sad time in our house because Mum’s cousin’s husband is missing too. That is so very sad, too. Mum says I met him but I do not remember. All this is so, so, sad. We live in such sad times.
But Grandad says we have to pick ourselves up dust ourselves off and start all over again. He says don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.
So, let’s get on to the happier things that have been happening.
School for starters that’s been good to me. Not only have I had fun there, but it is also about the only place on earth, or in Newark, at any rate, that is half normal.
I, along with my Sister Freya managed to pull off excellent school reports at the Half Term Parents Evening on Zoom. It really is amazing the impact I have made at school. I’ve only been attending 10 weeks. Just imagine the impact I will make after I’ve been there 10 months or even 10 or 15 years. it is frightening.
Many people are querying how I pulled it off. There are many conspiracy theories going around. Some are saying, is it more than coincidence that my mum has close educational and teaching links and me getting a good report.
Others say there must have been bribery involved. But I am here to tell you I have “zero pounds.”
It is all down to my natural talent, full stop.
So, without further ado, back to Lockdown II. We can’t even see our own cousins now. Boris Johnson is so spiteful. Does he know people are dying anyway so there is no point having Lockdowns.
Lockdown II ends 2nd December. Will Lockdown III follow. And because someone will decide Lockdown II was not effective enough because people still died and because there is the fear that people in the same household will be hugging at Christmas, they will bring in Lockdown III. Boris Johnson will decree that people in the same household cannot meet up. All households in England will be issued with a tent for each person. And we will all have to camp in the garden. But we’ll still have to go to school.
Do you think Santa will still come this year? I don’t think so. Just imagine the logistics of keeping his reindeer two metres apart when pulling his sleigh. And I cannot see Santa being happy about visiting 7 billion people in one night. He’s bound to catch Covid-19 from someone. If he is not worried about the risk Mother Christmas will be and she’ll stop him doing it like all Mums do.
We can’t afford for Santa to die and he must be in the high risk category. He must be over 70 years old and he’s definitely obese. I think he’s high risk.
And what would the world do if Santa died. I know it would just have to get on with life like we have to with Uncle John dying.
So, assuming Santa’s not going to come this year, which looks obvious really, a no brainer, will Christmas be cancelled.
I suspect not. You can’t cancel Christmas. Christmas has always happened in the First World War, and the Second World War. Even the Christmas Cliff Richard did not bring out a Christmas single Christmas was not cancelled (that’s what Grandad says, and I don’t have a clue what he is rabbiting on about). What I am trying to say to you is that Christmas has always happened for 2020 years.
Except for one year. Grandad is so old he can remember one year when Christmas was banned:
Christmas is cancelled. In 1647, parliament had won the civil war in England, Scotland and Ireland and King Charles was held in captivity at Hampton Court. The Church of England had been abolished and replaced by a Presbyterian system. Oliver Cromwell, the original Grinch who stole Christmas. Cromwell banned the celebrating of Christmas in 1647.
But I still can’t see Santa being brave enough to do Christmas 2020. Bugger!
I do not think, though, anyone would even dream of cancelling Christmas 2020, even if Santa refuses to deliver presents. The reason no one wants it cancelling is because 2020 has been miserable enough, cancelling Christmas would be the last straw for most people.
But I have applied the knowledge I have gained in my first 10 weeks at school and have come up with the perfect solution.
I have applied my Logical Strategical Thought Strategy Path Solution Plan, our teacher taught us.
In other words, think like Spiderman.
State Problem: 1. No Santa this year due to self-isolation (stupidly there has never been a substitute, stand in or reserve. Never thought necessary. And no one has ever been physically capable of doing what he does).
Result: The population of the world will be devastated, and planet earth will stop spinning.
Strategic Thinking: Someone is needed who is omniscient and can take physical present orders from anyone in the world. Someone who can travel the world and deliver presents to 7 billion people in a 24-hour window.
Answer: To me there is only one answer and it is a perfect answer, “AMAZON”.
Ok, Santa can’t do it because he’s self-isolating. But Amazon can do it. They are set up ready to go, perfection!
You can see with that one problem solved why I got such a good Parents Evening Zoom Report. I think on my feet and I learn quickly.
The only thing about Amazon taking over the Father Christmas role is images and songs will have to be changed from Santa to Amazon, Rudolf to the Amazon delivery man and Santa’s sleigh to the Amazon White Van.
So, instead of “Santa Clause is coming to town” we will get “Amazon is coming to town”. And for “When Santa got stuck up the chimney” we get “When the Amazon delivery man got stuck up the chimney”. And of course, “I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause” becomes “I saw mommy kissing the Amazon delivery man.” And finally, “Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer” becomes “Rudolf the Red Nosed Amazon Delivery Man”.
The only problem with my idea is does Jeff Bezos then become the figure head of Christmas, his picture replacing Santa? That does not bear thinking about. Shall we just stick with the Amazon smiling face logo.
Changing the subject rapidly they say at least 3 Covid-19 vaccines have been found. And with that life will get back to normal. My worry is how come they lost them in the first place. If they (whoever they are) had not lost them in the first place maybe, we wouldn’t have got into all these lockdown messes.
But a vaccine sounds like another pain intense enduring thing forced on us by the sadistic doctors and nurses. They love to hear you scream due to the intense pain of the needle.
Although, Mum and Dad wound me and Sister Freya up saying we we’re having a Flu Jab at school last week. I was scared, in fact I was petrified. I’ve had these injections before with a massive needle and the evil face of the person bluntly forcing it into my tender flesh.
In the end it was a spray up the nose, at school. Ha, ha, Mum and Dad, very funny.
I suppose it’s too much to ask to find a Covid-19 nasal spray instead of a vaccine to cut my suffering?
Finally, it cannot be easy for Mum and Dad to find good, exciting things for us to do and places to go with all these lockdown restrictions and we cannot leave the county. But they manage it.
We go places like Rufford Abbey Park, Clumber Park and Sherwood Pines. We go to Sherwood Pines a lot and a different walk every time. The problem with Sherwood Pines is you cannot see the wood for the trees. (Sorry about that, Grandad interjected without permission.)
Do not tell Boris Johnson this but they even seem to pull off us seeing Mamma & Grandad too. How cool is that? And how do they do it?
Ok, I’ll have to go now, we’re off to McDonalds for a take-away. Due to Lockdown II McDonalds are only allowed to do take-aways. To make it special and a trip out and something different we eat it in the car, in McD’s car park or even a lay-by on the A46 or a gateway to a field or our latest and best was Hucknall Tesco Extra Car Park. These locations are so cool! You sure can observe life in real time.
Dad is going for the new limited edition “Double Big Mac” and get this he is doing his own “Man verses Food” Challenge of trying to eat two. Yes, you read it correctly, “TWO”. I don’t think he’ll make it, do you?
See you next time!