GEORGE AGED 4 – THE RULE OF SIX PACK

Hi, George here.

Welcome to my world. Won’t you come on in?

Oh ok. I know you can’t answer that because all is up in the air again and I think it will be next Wednesday before we know for certain what is happening, if then.

I don’t know why everyone in the world is getting so excited about Covid-19 and putting all these rules in place. They don’t stop it. President Trump has had Covid-19 and proved you do not have to wear a mask. And that you do not need to make a song and dance about it. And that it is not serious. He’s just carried on with life. So why can’t we?

To be honest I’m finding all this Covid-19 stuff all very tedious. I’m bored with it. It is a good job I have started school, or I would be so pissed off.

Do you know since I was borned on Sunday 8th May 2016 there have only been two news stories making the headlines: BREXIT and Coronavirus? Why didn’t someone warn me the world was going to be so boring. I wanted my life to be as interesting as Grandad’s. There are too many interesting things that have happened in Grandad’s life to list here. You’d need a Website devoted to that subject only. Here are 10 of them as a taster:

  1. Man Landed on the Moon.
  2. The Internet was Invented.
  3. The mobile phone was invented.
  4. The Beatles had their first No.1.
  5. The first Harry Potter book was published.
  6. The CD & DVD were invented.
  7. Star Wars came out.
  8. Mum, Dad, Auntie JuJu, Uncle Ian, Sister Freya, Cousin Rory and Cousin Ewan, Uncle Steve, Auntie Jayne, Cousin Finley, Cousin Erin, Grandad and Nanny were all born.
  9. Google, Amazon and Apple were formed.
  10. Fireman Sam made his name.

The news editors of today are that dim and unimaginative they can’t think of anything more interesting.

I am going to be a journalistic editor when I am allowed out into the outside world and I will shake them up. You do not even have to write fake news stories. There is so many brilliant news stories to write about. To prove it if I was editor of a newspaper today here are the Top Ten news stories I would run with:

  1. Mamma has a new 20 reg car (but sadly not a red one).
  2. Our Half Term Euro Disney holiday is off.
  3. George (that’s me) has won the Headteacher’s Award.
  4. Sister Freya has redesigned her own bedroom.
  5. Cousin Rory has 8 (or was it 10 parties) parties to celebrate his 8th
  6. Cousin Rory has a Nintendo Switch for his 8th
  7. Both Cousin Ewan and I have a friend named Arthur. They are two different people but named Arthur.
  8. Me, Sister Freya, Cousin Rory, and Cousin Ewan all went to Mamma and Grandad’s for a Rory’s 8th Birthday Tea last week. (Boris Johnson’s banned Mum, Dad, Auntie JuJu and Uncle Ian from going with us. He is so brilliant.)
  9. Me and Sister Freya watched all 8 Harry Potter Movies
  10. School have taught me to write my own name with a pen or even a pencil.
  11. I, that is me George, have started swimming lessons again. Super, brilliant, fantastic, smashing! See another example on how it is possible to live a full normal life.
  12. Someone stole my Daddy’s bike.
  13. Cats & Dogs 3: Paws Unite (2020) was released.
  14. Cousin Erin’s birthday too.

See it is easy 14 headlines and not one mention of BREXIT or anything even whispered about Covid-19. It can be done.

So, with someone responsible as the Editor of the country’s press and the Times and The Daily Mail and someone responsible as the Prime Minister we could have got away without any mention of BREXIT or Coronavirus. And my whole first four years of life would have been completely different and way more interesting, like Grandad’s.

I suppose as I have mentioned those 14 events the least I can do is enlarge upon some of them.

For me I guess the best one was No.3. 1, George (that’s me) have won the Headteacher’s Award.

Wow! You are saying. What an achievement.

Please bear in mind I have only been going to school for a matter of about four weeks when I pulled off this amazing stunning little event. I think one thing it illustrates is that loosing is for losers.

To ensure you understand the enormity of what I have pulled off here. This is the schoolboy equivalent of winning an Oscar, the Academy Award for the best picture. Or the Nobel Peace Prize or Prize for Literature. Or even on a par with getting a knighthood.

Did I hear you say. “Well done, George. Give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back.”

Thank you, I will.

We went to see the movie Cats & Dogs 3: Paws Unite at the cinema which was good. I’m very frustrated because I cannot find out how much the budget was for making the film. It cost $60m for the first film. It could be the same although could be more. Those dogs and cats get a bit carried away with their successes, so they probably demanded higher fees causing the budget probably to go up. Anyway, so far at the box office they have taken $1,583,104. Cats & Dogs 2 did $112,483,764 and Production Budget was $85m. (See what I mean about bigger fees). And the first Cats & Dogs did $200.7 million at the Box Office.

Whilst we are talking cinema, we also went to see the Jungle Book (2016) Budget $175–177 million Box office $966.6 million. My most favourite documentary.

We have also watched all 8 of the Harry Potter films. They were even more remarkable because we watched them on Dad’s amazing huge super-sized and super clear new TV. I had just one problem with the Harry Potter films. How come there were 8 Harry Potter films but only 7 Harry Potter books.

Did J K Rowling forget to write one of the books? Did the publishers forget to publish one? Did the film makers get carried away and make a film too many?

To be honest I think with all the magic conjured up in the first 7 books and films there was enough magic to magic an extra film.

Another thing I wondered, why is there only me that is observant enough to notice that? No wonder I got the Headteacher’s Award.

Birthdays are not good under Coronavirus. Mum and Dad did the best they could for mine. Grandad’s was a write off, a washout, but then he is so old. He’s seen it all and done it all before.

Uncle Ian’s, Dad’s, Mum’s and Auntie JuJu’s all improved bit by bit. But then Cousin Rory’s on 2nd October seemed to get the worst but the best.

By the time his birthday came round I thought Mr Boris Johnson decreed you could only get together if you had a “Six Pack”.

I spent days in that gym working on my abs before realising he had not said that but had brought in the “Rule of Six”. That meant no more than six people could meet up together. That is a bummer when there is 16 in your family. There are obviously only six in his family, that’s why he made the decree.

The reason though it worked in Rory’s favour was that you could meet with as many people as you liked as long as it was only six at a time. So, it meant he had lots of different birthday parties and went to the zoo and Frankie and Benny’s and McDonalds and the cinema.

I was only alowed a Zoom party for my birthday and not even McDonalds were open!

If my parents were caring doting parents don’t you think they would be making that up to me now, and organising 6 McDonald’s Parties of 6 for me and taking me to the zoo instead of selfishly putting work first as they always do.

The only thing Cousin Rory did not get to do for his birthday was visit Nottingham’s Goose Fair. It was banned this year. I think that was because of the “Rule of Six”. The Fair has more than six attractions. I don’t think you are allowed to do anything that has more than six.

Do you think Cousin Rory broke the “Rule of Six” by celebrating his 8th Birthday? Maybe he should have celebrated his 6th birthday and his 2nd birthday. They may take his 8th birthday off him now. Oh no!

Do you realise I worked that out all by myself, that’s because I go to school now? That proves no matter what I thought before I started, school does have some advantages.

Also did we break the “Rule of Six” by watching 8 Harry Potter films. Will the “Rule of Six” Police come round and confiscate our videos?

Only if someone dials “666” instead of “999” I assume.

Grandad says it doesn’t matter. But that’s not unusual Grandad is so old, he doesn’t take notice of anybody in the world. Not my Mummy or Daddy, my Headteacher, Mr Boris Johnson or even Mr Trump. The only person in the world my Grandad takes notice of is Mamma. He daren’t anger her.

One of the major advantages of starting school is now when Sister Freya insists on playing school as she has done on every day of my life it makes sense. I am able to contribute intelligently and I get something out of it.

So, I have to say if for no other reason, that is just the best reason ever why going to school is useful to me and I find it worthwhile.

Watching Cousin Rory, I realise 8th birthdays are ace. You get a Nintendo Strike and a Lego Harry Potter Ledwig Owl. It is so cool. So I’ll just relax and await my 8th birthday to come along.

Bye! Bye!

George.