GEORGE AGED 4’s BLOG – ZOOMING THROUGH LIFE
jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG Sunday 7th February 2021
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
GEORGE AGED 4’s Blog – ZOOMING THROUGH LIFE
George here! Hi, there my little Home-Schooling Isolators. Welcome to my world.
No, unfortunately you can’t come in, but just pretend this is a Zoom meeting, then you can.
Welcome to my Zoom Meeting. Won’t you come on in?
I suppose you’ve guessed that like everyone else in the world, the focus of my life over the last three weeks has been Zoom.
Did you know the sale of real, tangible, actual books have escalated since Zoom meetings have escalated. That’s just a bit of background for you.
Life is very limited these days. It purely revolves around Zoom Meetings. Life has turned into a never ending Zoom meeting.
Check out our list of Zoom meetings as a family.
- Me, (George’s) Zoom School Lessons.
- Sister Freya’s Zoom School Lessons.
- Mum’s Daily Work Zoom Meetings.
- Dad & Mum’s Zoom meeting and a quick pint of lager and a packet of crisps with their friends.
- Me & Sister Freya Zoom Meeting with Cousins.
- Sister Freya(with me in the background) Zoom Meeting with her friends.
- Me & Sister Freya Zoom Meeting with Nanny & Grandad.
- Me & Sister Freya Zoom Meeting with Mamma & Grandad.
- Me & Sister Freya Zoom virtually Baby-Sitting Mamma & Grandad.
- Sister Freya Zoom Dancing Class. (Me lying low profile in the background pretending to be a book.)
- Sister Freya Zoom Brownies (Me in the background hoping to get my “Irritating Little Brother Badge.)
- All Our Family Zoom Family Trivia Quiz.
(To be honest that one does not happen. Why not? Most families have them, but I do not think our family is intelligent enough.)
- Tesco Order. (This is probably not Zoom as we know it. The Tesco Man prefers not to talk to Mum. She just presses a button, and he delivers our order automatically like Jeeves the Butler.)
- The computer game “Among Us”. That though is direct and for some reason you can do it without Zoom. I think that’s because it is communication with a planet of more intelligent life, making one of my main skills in life being a “Baby Zoomer” redundant already and I am only 4¾ .
- Me Swimming Lesson Zoom Meeting. (To be honest that’s not happened yet. Why not? I’m missing valuable tuition time. I should be sitting in a bath full of water to do swimming exercises with a shower curtain as the backdrop instead of shelves of books. Someone needs to get their arse in gear pretty quick.)
I try to get involved in every one of those Zoom meetings. At my age it is important to get the exposure. It’s all part of building the brand and keeping the brand current and alive.
They call me Georgie Zoom because I do so much work using Zoom. My life is Zoom.
That makes me so like Billy Whizz who is a fictional character featured in the British comic The Beano. He first appeared in issue 1139, dated 16th May 1964, when he replaced The Country Cuzzins. Billy, the title character, is a boy who can run extraordinarily fast.
He is 10 years old, so a little older than me, well, a lot older as I am only 4¾. But he has a Mum (Name: Billy’s Mum). I have a Mum too (her name is different, though, George’s Mum).
He has a Dad too (Name: Billy’s Dad). The similarity is so bizarre: I have a Dad too (his name is different, though, George’s Dad).
He has a younger brother Alfie Whizz. Again, I think a Beano writer has probably written my life and made it totally opposite end of the spectrum to Billy Whizz’s. For I have an older sister (totally opposite to a younger brother). Her name is Freya Reed.
His Motto: “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing fast!”
My Motto: “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth setting up a Zoom Meeting for it!”
Super skill: Billy can run faster than anyone else – even Usain Bolt. He’s so fast, he isn’t even allowed to enter the Olympics.
My super skill: George can set up a Zoom Meeting and keep it operating and moving interestingly even after the 40-minute time limit is up.
Fact: The soles on Billy’s trainers are made from F1 tyres!
Wow! I can’t compete with that.
Have you seen how Billy Whiz was 10 years old in 1964 and in this week’s issue almost 57 years later he is still 10 years old? How does he do that?
I suppose my Grandad’s a bit similar, in 1954 he was 4¾ years old and he’s still 4¾ years old or acts it, Mamma says. The difference with Grandad to Billy Whizz is (apart from Grandad being ultraslow at the side of Billy Whizz being ultrafast. Grandad’s motto is “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing slow!” Anyway, the difference between Grandad and Billy Whizz is that Billy Whizz has not aged a day in looks. whereas Grandad has aged about 100 years.
His excuse, he has fathered two daughters.
I am currently in negotiation with the Beano to try and get my own “Georgie Zoom” column. I suppose what I am up against is the fact that none of the characters in the Beano age. Therefore no one retires and they just keep on keeping on. That means there are no openings for enthusiastic new blood like me.
I could really do with the Beano column too. You see it has been assessed that the closing of schools during the Covid-19 Pandemic will cost us children that should be attending school £40,000 in lost earnings during our working life.
I don’t understand why that is. We are not paid any money for going to school. Although, I suppose that is not knowingly. May be my parents receive my salary for me and Sister Freya going to school and don’t tell us. They are a bit sneaky that way.
But then we move on to the question why would I need £40,000. Why do the think tank think £40,000 is important to me?
Take a look at my life now. I am comfortable. I want for nothing. Anything I want is there for me. Ok the Pandemic curtails certain things but that’s not down to a monetary issue.
I was born with zero pounds. I have never needed more than zero pounds. And I still have mainly zero pounds left.
Money is solely used for buying material things. But what do I need to buy? Nothing- Zero things!
So, is the reduction of £40,000 in my lifetime income significant to me? N-O spells NO.
I do not think the think tank have thought it through properly, either.
No.1 I have no need of that £40,000 so why bring it up.
No.2 due to lockdown and socially isolating we are not spending any money and I estimate we have already saved over £40,000. The think tank have clearly not taken that into account. Let’s take a look:
ACTION ESTIMATED AMOUT NOT SPENT IN 3 LOCKDOWNS
- Smyths Toy Superstore Closed*. £4,000
- Pubs and restaurants Closed. £4,000
- Bookshops Closed. £4,000
- Theme Parks Closed. £4,000
- Euro Disney holiday. Cancelled. £10,000
- Days out to coast or shopping (Say Lincoln, Nottingham). £4,000
- Petrol due to not visiting Grandparents & Far Afield Friends. £4,000
- Swimming Lessons. Cancelled. £4,000
- Clothes not bought as not needed as not going out. £4,000
- Haircuts & hairdressers. (Hairdressers Closed) £4,000
- All things I’ve not thought of. £4,000
* Why is Smyths Toy Superstore closed? They say Essential shops should remain open. There is no store that is more essential than Smyths Toy Superstore apart from McDonalds. The government have listed 40 Essential places to stay open. I say they have got that list so wrong. I have reproduced it below. Check it out. I agree with 1-7. But 8-40 are just not necessary at all whereas everyone desperately needs Smyths Toy Superstore.
1 Supermarkets, 2 Newsagents, 3 Convenience stores, 4 Food markets, 5 Corner shops, 6 Takeaways and food deliveries, 7 Off licenses and licensed shops selling alcohol (including breweries), 8 Pharmacies and chemists, 9 Hardware stores, 10 Building merchants and building service, 11 Petrol stations, 12 Car repair and MOT services, 13 Bicycle shops, 14 Taxi or vehicle hire businesses, 15 Banks, 16 Building societies, 17 Credit unions, 18 Short term loan providers, 19 Savings clubs, 20 Cash points, 21 Currency exchanges, 22 Money transfer shops, 23 Post offices, 24 Funeral directors, 25 Laundrettes and dry cleaners, 26 Dental services, 27 Opticians, 28 Hearing services, 29 Chiropody, 30 Chiropractors, 31 Osteopaths, 32 Mental health services, 33 Vets, 34 Pet shops, 35 Agricultural supplies shop, 36 Storage and distribution facilities, 37 Car parks, 38 Public toilets, 39 Garden centres, 40 Retail shops in hospitals.
Back to the £40,000. So, what’s the problem. We’ve saved far more than £40,000. But I don’t need the money anyway. On top of all that we have Grandad to depend on. His main purpose for living is to look out for his grandchildren.
He used to be an Accountant, so he was very distressed about the loss of our income. Without hesitation he went on to calculate that Home Schooling has cost his/our family a mere 4 x £40,000 = £160,000. He immediately saw it as his responsibility, for the happiness and well being of his grandchildren, to provide that £160, 000.
In my eyes that’s fair enough.
He decided it probably meant selling some of his treasures on Ebay. He did have the full collection of the coveted well sort after, highly value Christmas Radio Times for the 47 Christmases since he married Mamma, But unfortunately as he was fearful that if anything happened to him, his family would just dump them in a skip, he had decided to sell them on Ebay and selfishly bought a tablet with the proceeds. So, sadly one avenue closed.
He began looking at his extensive vinyl record collection and realised the album, The Beatles (AKA “The White Album”) (1968) was worth $790,000 that is £575,041. That would cover the £160,000 with a bit left over for a McDonalds and a sweetie or two.
But before we get carried away let’s just seriously think about it. This is an undisputed classic. But this particular album is one of a kind — it’s the very first pressing of the beloved ninth album by “the fab four,” and marked with the serial number “A0000001” to prove it. For years, it was rumoured that the first copy went to the late John Lennon, but really it went to Ringo Starr.
Kept in a bank vault for three-and-a-half decades, this expensive piece of Polyvinyl chloride was sold during a charity auction for a whopping $790,000. Starr put the money toward his own Lotus Foundation — a charity that provides support for victims of domestic violence, cancer research, the homeless, and other noble causes.
I told Grandad his copy did not have the all important “A0000001” number on it, so not to get too excited.
He said that did not matter. The only numbers punters were interested in are the songs on the double album.
It’s sad to see an old man cry, especially when it is your very own Grandad!
So, it was on to Plan B or more like Plan Z by this time. He said the obvious solution was for him to write 4 New York Times, No.1 Blockbusters, from which the royalties would go to each grandchild and make up the lost £40,000 each and more besides. Job done.
I liked his commitment, but I would like to point out that Jane Austen’s lifetime earnings from her writings was £631 before tax (while tax was in force), or £575 after tax, which would be equivalent to just over £45,000 at today’s prices. I’ve seen his writing. It’s no Pride and Prejudice.
I felt it was best to say nothing. It keeps him quiet and out of mischief when we Virtually Baby Sit Mamma and Grandad over Zoom.
Well, time up. You will notice I have been promoted I now appear as the main BLOG OF THE DAY! What an achievement!
Do enjoy it.
See you next time.
Bye Dee Bye!
TOP TEN OF THE DAY
Top Ten British Comedians
- Russell Howard
- Rowan Atkinson
- Jimmy Carr
- Billy Connolly
- Michael McIntyre
- Ricky Gervais
- Frankie Boyle
- John Cleese
- David Mitchell
- Sean Lock
I would have to add:
- Jon Richardson
- Jo Brand
DON’T FORGET TO LAUGH EVERYDAY
INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE FOR THE DAY
“In the hands of a great poet, words have ways of affecting us in ways we don’t understand.”
— Kenneth Branagh
Happiness is…Zoom Meetings
GRANDAD’S ONE LINER JOKE OF THE DAY
Somewhere an elderly lady reads a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy googles “how to read a book”.
Love is…here to stay.
A time to earn £40,000…A time to spend £40,000
(A bit of a non eventful day through history)
7th February 1914 Charlie Chaplin debuts silent film character The Tramp in “Kid Auto Races at Venice”
LITTLE NUMBERS: SOME HORRBLE SOME NICE
|Total Cases||3,929,835||Latest Daily Figure||18,262|
|People in Hospital||29,326||Change on Day||-1,212|
|Total deaths||112,092||New Deaths 24 Hr Period||828|
|Total 1st Vaccine Dose||11,465,210||Latest Daily Figure||494,163|
©2021 Phil M Robinson