George’s (20 Months Old) Blog – GRANDAD’S BORING BIRTHDAY
Hi George here. Welcome to my world. Won’t you come on in?
So Grandad had a birthday! What a farce that was.
I’ve got a birthday coming up soon infact exactly one month after Grandad’s. I hope Grandad’s was not a dry run for my birthday or my birthday is going to be crap, I can tell you that now.
With what I’ve seen in the past I do believe my Mum (& Dad) are better at organising mine and Freya’s birthday parties than Mamma is at organising Grandad’s. I hope so anyway otherwise I’ll be the laughing stock of all my mates.
What was wrong with it? I hear you ask. What was right with it?
I have only had one birthday and therefore one party, but even I know what birthdays are all about because I have been to lots of parties. This is a normal birthday party:
- Birthday Cards,
- Burgers, crisps, pizzas and junk food.
- Sugary drinks and chocolate
- Cakes dangerously illuminated with naked flame candles. There is the ritual of sharing your germs with one and all as you blow them over the cake whilst trying to extinguish the candles.
- You and your mates dance to the music.
- Everyone plays on soft play equipment and in the ball pool and on the bouncy castle.
- You finish with pass the parcel where somehow, and I’ve not quite worked out how this happens, but the person whose birthday it is always gets to win the best, main present.
- Then you get a balloon as proof that you are one year old and you give out party bags
- And finally, if you are lucky they announce your birthday on Cbeebies too.
But Grandad’s birthday was just not like that at all. It was well and truly boring.
The birthday started ok with an official holiday. No one has ever taken the trouble to explain life to me so I work it out myself. When you are born a holiday is created to mark your birthday, by someone. I’m not sure who.
For Sister Freya and Mamma they called it Christmas. For Uncle Ian, Dad, Mum and Auntie JuJu, Cousin Finley and Uncle Peter, as there were so many of them they called it the Six Week Summer Holiday. With Cousin Rory, his was given Goose Fair Half Term. And Cousin Ewan, February Half Term. They created May Day when I was born. And Easter for Grandad.
So we went to the seaside, I assume for Grandad’s birthday. Usually we have a special day out for our birthday. Because Grandad is so old and slow he has to have a week.
I woke everyone up early on Easter Monday, the day we went on Grandad’s holiday, so we were away very early before 8.00am, even, that gave me time to catch up on missed sleep due to having to walke everyone else up early.
Our holiday home was something like amazing. Can you believe it? We actually lived in someone else’s house for a few days and they did not even knoew it. Brilliant.
We went to the amusements, to the beach, to see an aquarium, to the beach, to see some shire horses and parrots, had fish and chips, to the beach, on a steam train, to a beach and home. Call that a birthday treat? I don’t think so. I wasn’t allowed to drop beach pebbles in the rock pools like Cousin Ewan. And the biggest tragedy was the sea. All that water and I was not allowed one swim. I can swim I have lessons every Monday. Talk about over protective parents.
If it had been my birthday day or week I would have declared it boring and disappointing but Grandad is so easy going. He doesn’t have a need to swim in the sea, build sandcastles play ball or throw pebbles to splash in the sea or even ride the big horses on the carousel. He just keeps saying “As long as Mamma is happy.” That seems to be all he needs to keep him happy. Strange.
Late on the Thursday evening we left for home. Poor old Cousin Rory and Cousin Ewan were forced into staying another day. I don’t know what they had done wrong. Obviously they had been very naughty.
Sister Freya had been allowed to do alot more things than me on the beach. Mum said that was because she was older and more responsible. I don’t think so. It’s just sheer, downright favouritism.
So I decided to chatter all the way home. Primarily to keep Dad awake whilst he was driving, but also to keep Mum awake, just to wind her up.
Friday and Saturday passed. Me and Sister Freya baked a birthday cake for Grandad. We filled it full of cherries, his favourite and mine. Yummy, yummy.
But when we came to decorate it Mum and Sister Freya decorated it with flowers. Now, I am the first to admit I’m no expert but I’ve known Grandad for almost two long years now, infact all my life and even I know he needs his cake decorating with something like worms, Peter Rabbit, dinosaurs or books. Not flowers.
Anyway we wrote his birthday card in my best scribble. I drew a picture of a car for him on his card too although it looked the same as my name. He’ll think it is a Rembrandt anyway.
Next the exciting bit his present!
Me and Sister Freya bought him an A4 pad of writing paper on a clip board and a pen. I know he’ll find that exciting. It’s better than a reading book because you are stuck with the story the book is about. With this pad the story can be anything he wants.
His party was at his house. There was no soft play, not even a bouncy castle. Auntie JuJu and Uncle Ian and Cousin Rory and Cousin Ewan and Mamma were all there too, but where were all Grandad’s mates? Either he doesn’t have any or Mamma forgot to send out the party invites.
Not even my Dad was there. He’d buggered off to Wembley. He says he’ll take me one day. I wish he had taken me today so I did not have to witness this miserable occasion.
I do think Mamma forgot to send out the party invites. She is very forgetful. I have had first hand experience of her forgetfulness. Sister Freya was once eating some Easter egg and I wanted some. Mamma said I’ll get you some in a minute. I waited and waited but she didn’t get any. I assumed she forgot.
We had a birthday tea which was okish. To be honest if I was Mamma I would have majored in more on the egg sandwiches, cheese sandwiches, nudey bread (bread without butter), pizza and crisps. Less of the salmon and cucumber sandwiches, roast beef and horseradish sandwiches and ribs and much, much less infact no salad.
Next came the highlight of the day the cake and candle blowing out. This, out of all Grandad’s week of birthday celebration is the best most exciting bit. The bit I’d been waiting for. The icing on the cake as it were. I knew with Grandad being so old when Mamma put all the candles on the cake and lit them it would look like Guy Fawkes Night.
But can you believe it, when the cake came there were no candles on it. No, not one solitary candle. What a let down for poor old Grandad. No one had bothered. I felt so sorry for him and so embarrassed.
But Grandad shrugged it off in good old Grandad style and blew his germs all over the cake anyway and we all laughed and did the same, so that was ok in the end.
Finally he had his card and present opening session. All I can say is thank heavens me and Sister Freya bought him the writing kit otherwise he would have had ‘nuthink’ that’s right: ‘n-u-t-h-i-n-k’…‘nuthink’.
Everybody else had given him money. What on earth is that all about? What use is money? What can you do with money?
I would hate that. In fact I am in panic mode. Bearing in mind what I said my birthday is less than a month away You don’t think they’ll just give me money, do you? That makes me afraid, very afraid.
They said that is what Grandad wanted. He wanted money to have a family photograph done professionally at a real photographers.
I don’t think so. We can do ‘selfies’ dead easy. Infact even I can do a selfie. There are hundreds, no millions of photographs floating around the family and family phones of our family.
There’s something very funny going on here which is very disturbing especially when I have a birthday on the horizon.
So that was Grandad’s birthday. A bit of a damp ‘squid’, and I do mean squid (aquarium-seaside).
Yes, Grandad’s now another year older and you could actually see him age overnight. I think that was why we went away to watch it happen.
Ah well, better luck next year Grandad.
Bye Bye George x