Hi, George here. Welcome to my world. Won’t you come on in?

This week, Grandad has discovered that babies learn to grimace in the womb so they can show they are unhappy after birth.

What’s so new and spectacular about that? Of course that’s what I did in the womb. Think about it. There’s not a lot to do whilst you are stuck in there for nine months. There’s no library in there (no light to read, even if there was – pitch black). There’s no TV either. Not even a remote control or smart phone (even with a baby as big as me there was room for one of those). No toys. Food is automatically fed to you. And you cannot poo. That is a big no-no. There’s a tradition, gone on for centuries about saving it up so you do an explosive celebratory one when you are born.

So there’s very little to do but spend your time kicking and learning to grimace. It is amazing how you just have this gut feeling that it is going to be so useful after you are born. You just know out in the big bad world there are going to be so many people and things that will wind you up, irrespective of what Grandad tries to tell you about it being a great world.

Talking of Grandad, I had a pleasant surprise when I babysat him and Mamma on Wednesday. It poured with rain. There was more rain than when Noah built his ark. No, the rain wasn’t the pleasant surprise. Please be patient and all will be revealed.

I love cars. Aren’t they brilliant? They look good. They make tremendous noises. They go fast. They take you from A to B. To be honest I’ve never gone from A to B, I can’t ever see me wanting to go from A to B, but if I do the car can take me. The car takes us to lots of exciting, magical places like Nanny and Grandad’s house or Mamma and Grandad’s or Freya’s swimming lesson, to Cousin Rory and Cousin Ewan’s house or to see Santa or see the steam trains. The car is a magical container that delivers you to the most magical places on earth. The only magical things you can do without the car is go to my swimming lesson and the park in the buggy.

Most weeks when Mamma and Grandad come I need some magic, so much I end up crying to go in Mamma’s car. But for some reason Mamma or Grandad just do not cotton on. They are not aware of its magical capabilities. But this week the penny dropped. They took me in the car to take Sister Freya to school. That in itself is magical. And it is good to get rid of Sister Freya so Mamma and Grandad have no distractions and concentrate entirely on me alone. Magical!

Next we went to Lincoln in the car, Very magical, but surprising. Lincoln is Nanny and Grandad’s patch and I was a bit uncomfortable about Mamma and Grandad crossing the boundaries. But I thought, keep your head down George and hope that nothing kicks off.

Fortunately on getting to Lincoln the rain was pouring down. So Mamma put me in the pushchair with the rain cover on. I faked sleep (a bit like fake news but with your eyes closed) and snuggled down in the buggy under the cover, so even if we saw Nanny and Grandad, they would not recognise me.

The best bit was going into Waterstones. Wowee!!! There were so many books and toys. Mamma and Grandad let me get out of the buggy and explore with freedom to check out the books and the toys. I ran around so excited, like a kid in a book and toy shop. There were so many books to take from the shelves and look at. But to start with I headed for the Young Adult section. As Grandad always says: aim for the stars and maybe you’ll reach the moon.

What I did reach was the great big bear from We’re Going On A Bear Hunt. It was so soft and cuddly and I knew it wanted a home and to be with me for the rest of my life. But Mamma would not buy it for me.Said it was too expensive. Cheap skate.

She tried getting me to have other toys. Even a Highway Rat. But Cousin Ewan’s got a Highway Rat, is she trying to turn me into a clone of him. I totally and utterly refused. I am unique, Mamma.

In the end I had a tiny model polar bear and a book about the Highway Rat. Mamma paid the lady and then put me in my buggy. I clung to my Waterstones bag in one hand with my polar bear in it and with amazing skill balanced my book on my knee and looked carefully at the pictures, page by page, under the rain cover.

Grandad and me see things differently with my books. I love the pictures, in fact they are vital to me. Words are meaningless and just words. Picture tell me so much. Grandad says without the writer you would not have a story for the artist to paint pictures about.

But I say without the artist I don’t need a story because I can’t read it anyway.

There is of course the very best media of all, the animated film. That is how the reason Highway Rat was drawn to my attention. And the pictures in the book are just like the film but do bot move.The great thing about The Highway Rat is it is all about food. Oh and a rat on a horse too… and not forgetting the duck.

We had coffee and a bread roll at Debenhams. Well I didn’t I had one of my own meals and water.  And Grandad and Mamma had tea.The amazing thing about eating out is that the meal is heated up in their microwave. How amazing is that to an almost two year old. I like sampling food cooked in random microwaves.

There was this amazing lady at Debenhams who was clearing tables and wiping them down. But I think she was Debenhams residential teacher. When you are a teacher the job is so stressful that you have to do things like clearing tables and housework to unwind. I know I’ve seen it at first hand, my Mum does it all the time.

But then the lady left her table clearing and came to me and brought me some pictures to colour in using wax crayons which she gave to me.

Note Grandad: she did not say write a story, she knew that pictures are key.

From there we had a magical car journey home. At home I discovered Grandad had bought me new batteries for the cars on my battery powered figure of eight car racing track. Next to real cars…and smart phones…and TV remotes…and poos…and eating…and sleeping, they are the best thing ever.

I’m sorry to say there are signs of dementia in Grandad. The racing cars did not need batteries. They did not work because you need the car with a battery in it turned on and a controller for each car with batteries in and turned on and the track. He only turned on the cars. Hopeless.

I certainly didn’t get my brains from that side of the family.

It was amazing when he finally got the two cars to work. A good job I was there to advise him.

We collected Sister Freya from school, had tea and then that was my week’s community service, looking after Mamma and Grandad, over. Grandad and Mamma were able to go home.

I used to cry when Mamma and Grandad went home. I do become a little attached to them when I have to spend all day watching that they do not get up to mischief. But I don’t any more I have hysterics laughing when they leave. We say “Goodbye” to them and I slam the door shut. Grandad being Grandad, you just know he is going to mess around, then pushes his hand through the letterbox and tries to get in to our hall through the letterbox.

The reason I find it so funny is, have you seen the size of our letterbox and have you seen the size of Grandad? He stands no chance of getting in in a month of Sundays and that’s what creases me with laughter that he thinks he has a chance.

Camel through the eye of a needle springs to mind.

So, that was my pleasant surprise of a magical day.

Speak to you soon, when I blog my next adventure.

Bye – George