GOOD NEWS WEEK – Ewan & George Blog 30.11.2017
George: Welcome to my world. Won’t you come on in.
Ewan: George, I thought we’d agreed if you were to always open with those pathetic words, compromise was needed and we had to say Welcome to OUR world.
George: Oh yes, sorry Ewan, I forgot.
Ewan: Very conveniently, you forgot.
George: So, trying to change my worldly story, quickly. What’s The Story In Balamory?
Ewan: Can you only speak in catchphrases.
George: What a cracker, it’s the way I tell ‘em.
Ewan: I think Good News week can only be about one thing this week.
George: Oh no, give me strength, not Strictly again.
Ewan: No, I don’t know why you say that.
George: Thank goodness.
Ewan: We need to discuss the only news worth discussing this week Prince Harry getting engaged to Meghan Markle.
George: Oh no. that’s even worse. We are turning in to a blog about royalty and Princes. There must have been some other key interesting thing even if it was on Strictly that is worth talking about.
Ewan: I thought you didn’t want to discuss Strictly.
George: Anything is better than a story about a girl being kissed by a Prince and then the two marrying one another and living happily ever after.
Ewan: What is your objection, George? We read many books and watch the odd Disney film about the subject.
George: It’s obvious to see you’ve not got a sister, who likes that sort of thing.
Ewan: No not yet, just my brother, Rory but Christmas is just around the corner and my life experience is you just do not know what Santa is going to bring you.
A baby sister might be good. Certainly take some of the pressure off me being the cute, youngest one.
George: You are romanticising the act of having a sister. In reality it can be crap.
Ewan: It can’t be that bad.
George: I’m telling you it is.
Some sisters just watch Disney films all the time about Princes and Princess getting married, when they are not at school. Some don’t because they don’t agree with it. But it is important in life you have a freedom of choice.
My choice is the Gruffalo
My sister also read books about princesses and buys comics about them and even pretend to be them. Again no one forced her. Her choice.
I know every Prince and Princess story. I’ve cut my teeth on them all. They have been forced on me from birth.
All I want is to watch the Gruffalo and 101 Dalmatians and I have to put up with Snow White, Cinderella, Frozen, The Princess and the Pea, Rapunzel, Sleeping Beauty and hundreds more. Princes getting married is over done and boring.
Ewan: I see where you are coming from. Big brothers can be a pain but not as bad as that.
But did you also see in the news that Sleeping Beauty should be banned. Apparently it sets a bad example to show a Prince kissing a sleeping princess.
George: I did hear about it but I did not understand why.
Ewan: Grandad says it does not apply to us children who come from sensible level headed families of stable people who can distinguish right from wrong and fact from fiction the ban is aimed at psycho kids.
George: They will be banning Snow White next because children will be scared to eat apples thinking they are poisoned.
Ewan: But we all know it is just a fairy tale.
George: Well us children with half a brain do.
Ewan: It is all part of this crazy grown up world that has no logic.
George: Will Disney make a film about the Prince finding a wife.
What will they call it?
George: The Prince and the TV Celebrity.
Ewan: Or “I’m a celebrity get me out of here”
George: They might ban it.
George: Because children watching it will grow up thinking they can marry a Prince or Princess.
Ewan: I already believe I will.
George: Will Disney bring out books and comics
Ewan: I think they already have. It’s called “Hello”.
Ewan: Oh, yes. Thanks, George. That too, I about forgot that one.
George: No, no, I was just saying “Ok” meaning, “Alright”.
Ewan: I’m giving you credit for being more knowledgeable than you really are, am I?
Talking of being knowledgeable did you know Meghan cannot be Princess Meghan?
George: Of course she will, she’s marrying Prince Harry.
In all the stories my sister forces on to me the Prince makes the girl his Princess.
Ewan: You see the brutal answer is that, by the standards of British royal protocol, the former Hollywood star lacks “royal blood”.
It could be that the Queen makes the same kind of move that she did with Kat, and makes her a Duchess. She could dust off a long-defunct royal dukedom – Sussex (the favourite for Harry and Meghan), Albany and Clarence are also among the vacant ones.
(Sarcastically): That takes some of the magic from the story.
Ewan: No, it adds to it. A bit of an Eastenders appeal with “my old duchess” especially as she is a TV drama star, been in a long running TV series.
George: I did not look at it like that, that sounds good – not another Disney Princess, brilliant.
Ewan: Her real names not Meghan either you know?
George: You’re joking?
Ewan: According to the Californian star’s IMDb page, the self-proclaimed biracial actress is listed under the name ‘Rachel Meghan Markle’, which hardcore Suits fans will find ironic given the namesake of her Suits character, Rachel Zane in the show.
George: Wow, but it’s no big deal.
Ewan: Is that a pun, George, as she used to be in “Deal Or No Deal”.
You obviously know nothing about her.
George: I have to confess I thought she was just another Disney Princess and I turned off.
Ewan: Well here’s some key facts:
From working as a part-time calligrapher while struggling to find acting gigs, and the time she wrote to Hillary Clinton as a child to complain about a soap advertisement that suggested a woman’s place was in the kitchen, to the fact she used to work as a ‘briefcase’ girl on Deal Or No Deal and became the most Googled actress of 2016, we’d most certainly win when it came to choosing her as a specialised subject on Mastermind.
George: I guess Noel Edmunds is excited as he will obviously get an invite to the wedding.
Ewan: Wrong Deal Or No Deal. She was on the American show.
George: Do you think I’ll get invited to the wedding.
Ewan: Why would you get an invite especially as you are anti-prince weddings?
George: Two good reasons. Because she’s getting married at St. George’s Chapel, Windsor and my name is George. And they are getting married in May and it is my birthday in May so it may be on my birthday. I would then deserve an invite.
Ewan: I’m young, I know, but even so I do believe you have to have a stronger connection to be invited to a wedding than to be named after the chapel and it be on the same day as your birthday.
George: Legoland is in Windsor, therefore that has to be the obvious location for their wedding reception.
Ewan: YES! I’d love to go to that, a huge wedding cake made out of Lego bricks.
Also, do you realise this wedding increases the chances, enormously for you and me to marry in to the Royal Family. They are bound to have three or four babies.
George: No thank you. You won’t find me kissing no Princess or Prince no matter how many books I read or Disney videos I watch or pantomimes I go to.
I’m no psycho kid.
Ewan; Apparently Prince Harry and Meghan will conduct their first official engagement together as a couple in Nottingham on 1.12.2017. The couple will go to Nottingham Contemporary Art Gallery and conduct a walkabout outside the National Justice Museum meeting members of the local community.
George I’m under whelmed.
Ewan: Well I’m off to see them. You’ll be laughing the other side your face when I’ve got a wedding invite and you haven’t.
George: You finding your own way then?
Ewan: I am all of two years nine months old and the tram is free to under fives and takes you straight there.
George: Isn’t it free if you are accompanied by an adult.
Ewan: I can fake that one
George: Enjoy it.