Ewan: 2½ years old & George 16 months old NEWS BLOG – IT’S GOOD NEWS WEEK
George & Ewan
(Together): Welcome to our World. Won’t you come on in?
George: That was friendly and good to be together.
Ewan: Yes, the way life’s meant to be.
George: So what are the hot and burning issues in the news this week?
Ewan: Only 30 sleeps until Christmas!
George: But that depends when you read this. So it’s not even worth reporting.
But we could say it’s Saturday 25th November.
George: No, it’s a time waster.
Ewan: Ok. We won’t
George: Come on Ewan you are the older one. You should be more switched on to current affairs than me. What’s the subject this week.
Ewan: Well, Strictly was from Blackpool on Saturday…
George: Let’s cut the Strictly, right now.
Ewan: The Queen and Prince Philip have been married 70 years.
George: That’s a really long time. Mamma and Grandad haven’t even been alive that long and they’ve been on earth forever, since earth started in fact. So how come The Queen has been married longer than that, it can’t be possible.
You must have that wrong – a tiny bit of fake news I fear.
Ewan: I think it was pre-Earth time.
Someone had to be project manager for Earth’s construction. Obviously with them being the Royal Family it was up to them.
They must have had a lot of free time because there was no telly or books and most things hadn’t been invented. So they decided to get married to fill their time and stop boredom setting in.
George: I think it sounds good being a Queen. You get a special chair to sit on. And you can tell everyone what to do and ride in a brilliant golden coach.
Ewan: I think they are made out of pumpkins.
George: She must know Fairy Godmother Emma in that case.
Ewan: Did you know the Queen and Prince Philip’s great grandson, Prince George is getting to appear in Fireman Sam.
George: He so pisses me off.
Ewan: Why, George?
George: He uses my name, why doesn’t he get one of his own?
Ewan: You’re not called Prince.
George: No, I mean the George bit.
Ewan: I know really, just my attempts at a Grandad Joke.
George: There are so many other names he could have gone for: Joe, Bill, Jack, Fred, Philip, Charles, Norman or even Sam as he is so keen on Fireman Sam.
He can’t be that keen can he?
Why does he have to copy my name?
Ewan: Can I just remind you, Georgie Boy that he was born long before you and so it is you who stole his name.
George: No I didn’t I was named after my Dad’s Grandad. Not a stupid Prince.
And another thing that winds me up about him is that the Queen and Prince Philip refer to him as their “Great” Grandson.
Ooh, la la.
Ewan: So what is wrong with that?
George: What is wrong with that? I’ll tell you what is wrong with that.
The jumped up spoilt little brat.
Have you ever heard any of our grandparents refer to us as “Great” Grandsons, even though we are tremendously fantastic?
Ewan: No George, it doesn’t mean that he’s brilliant, it’s his relationship to them.
Like you are a son to your Mum and Dad, and grandson to your grandparents who are your Mum and Dad’s mum and dad. And great grandson to your grandparent’s mum and dad.
George: But my grandparents don’t have a mum and dad. Well I’ve never seen them anyway.
Ewan: They do have parents, everyone does. You even said you are named after your dad’s grandad.
George: Oh yes.
Ewan; What do you think Prince George will do in Fireman Sam? Do you think he’ll do something naughty like Naughty Norman?
George: Grandad thinks Naughty Norman is Fireman Sam’s love child because for thirty years he’s been doing silly things which has meant the fire engine has had to be called out, but Fireman Sam just accepts it giving only a bit of friendly advice.
Ewan: Grandad says Naughty Norman is a redhead and the only other redhead in the –programme is Fireman Sam.
Grandad is also mystified why Naughty Norman has remained the same age for thirty years.
George: What’s those two bits of information to do with it all, Ewan?
Ewan: Don’t know. Grandad jokes I think.
Naughty Norman does not seem to have a dad on the scene either.
George: To make it fair we should get to star in our favourite TV programmes.
But we never get chosen. We are not lucky like Prince George.
Ewan: I know remember going to see Sooty Live at Mansfeild?
George: I sure do.
Ewan: Some kids were chosen to go on stage:
George: That would have been such fun all that water and water pistols and tricks to play
Ewan: And they even had a dancing competition.
George: Yes…well we weren’t chosen
Ewan: What TV programme would you choose, George?
George: The Jeremy Kyle Show
Ewan: George act your age.
I would be Lego Batman in the Lego movie and go and rescue the 101 Dalmatians from Cruella De Ville.
Ewan: You can’t.
Ewan: They are films, it has to be a TV programme. And you have to be yourself not another character. Just like Prince George is going to be in Fireman Sam.
Otherwise it’s obvious I would be the lion in the film Madagascar and even though my roar is the loudest in the Western world I still can’t do that.
George: Ok, then, the Gruffalo.
I’d have tea with the Gruffalo
No, no… I’d persuade the cat to let me have a ride on the witches super duper broom on Room on the Broom
Ewan: I know they seem like TV programmes but they are not.
It’s like me saying I will star in the Snowman and Snowdog.
George: You do that whenever it snows anyway.
Ewan: But it’s not on TV and it has only snowed once in my life.
You need a TV programme like Twirlywoos, Bing or Peter Rabbit.
George: No Thanks. One of these days Mr Fox. Badger , Owl or Mr McGregor is going to have them in the pot. I’m not taking that chance.
Tellytubbies are probably best they look my shape and speak my language.
Ewan: What about Thomas The Tank Engine?
George: I’ve already been to Thomasland
I suppose Postman Pat might be good.
I could be a birthday boy waiting for Postman Pat to deliver my Amazon delivery of my birthday presents and birthday cards.
Ewan: And he loses them like he always does all his post and parcels.
George: I didn’t think of that.
Maybe it needs to be Paw Patrol, then.
I so wish it could be the Gruffalo.
Ewan: Lets forget TV and be different and do films after all and I can do Madagascar. You do Gruffalo.
George: Great idea. You go research how we do it and I’ll go and eat.
Ewan: No, George wait, I don’t know how to do it.
Oh dear, he’s gone.