NO EXCUSE TAX RETURN DEADLINE
jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk BLOG Thursday, 31st January 2019
Today Thursday 31st January is the final day to file your Tax Return. Top most ridiculous excuses for missing the tax return deadline as reported by HMRC. None were acceptable:
- My mother-in-law is a witch and put a curse on me
- I’m too short to reach the post box
- I was just too busy – my first maid left, my second maid stole from me, and my third maid was very slow to learn
- Our junior member of staff registered our client in Self Assessment by mistake because they were not wearing their glasses
- My boiler had broken and my fingers were too cold to type
- “The dog ate it” or “my sister set fire to it” are just some of the pretty lame excuses from my youth about not handing homework in on time.
- My pet goldfish died (self-employed builder)
- I had a run-in with a cow (Midlands farmer)
- After seeing a volcanic eruption on the news, I couldn’t concentrate on anything else (London woman)
- My wife won’t give me my mail (self-employed trader)
- My husband told me the deadline was March 31, and I believed him (Leicester hairdresser)
- I’ve been far too busy touring the country with my one-man play (Coventry writer)
- My bad back means I can’t go upstairs. That’s where my tax return is (a working taxi driver)
- I’ve been cruising round the world on my yacht, and only picking up post when I’m on dry land (South East man)
- Our business doesn’t really do anything (Kent financial services firm)
- I’ve been too busy submitting my clients’ tax returns (London accountant)
- I couldn’t file my return on time as my wife has been seeing aliens and won’t let me enter the house
18 My ex-wife left my tax return upstairs, but I suffer from vertigo and can’t go upstairs to retrieve it
- My business doesn’t really do anything
- A wasp in my car caused me to have an accident and my tax return, which was inside, was destroyed.
- My wife helps me with my tax return, but she had a headache for ten days.
- I couldn’t complete my tax return, because my husband left me and took our accountant with him. I am currently trying to find a new accountant.
- I work for myself, but a colleague borrowed my tax return to photocopy it and lost it.
- My internet connection failed.
- My tax papers were left in the shed and the rat ate them.
- I’m not a paperwork orientated person – I always relied on my sister to complete my returns but we have now fallen out.
- My accountant has been ill.
- I will be abroad on deadline day with no internet access so will be unable to file
- My laptop broke, so did my washing machine.
- My niece had moved in – she made the house so untidy I could not find my log in details to complete my return online.
- My husband ran over my laptop.
- I had an argument with my wife and went to Italy for 5 years
- I had a cold which took a long time to go.
And the Top Five failed self-employed expenses claims
- A carpenter claiming £900 for a 55 inch TV and sound bar to help him price his jobs
- £40 on extra woolly underwear, for ﬁve years
- £756 for my pet dog insurance
- A music subscription so I can listen to music while I work
- A family holiday to Nigeria
INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE FOR THE DAY
The starting point of all achievement is desire. – Napoleon Hill
Happiness is…knowing your Tax Return is in before the deadline
GRANDAD’S ONE LINER JOKE OF THE DAY
How much dirt is in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?
Love is… when you can’t let go
TRACK OF THE DAY
Taxman – The Beatles
Highest Chart Position: Did not chart, it was an album track.
“Taxman” is a song written by George Harrison and released as the opening track on the Beatles’ 1966 album Revolver. Its lyrics attack the high levels of progressive tax taken by the British Labour government of Harold Wilson.
WHAT DAY IS IT?
Thursday 31st January 2019
Gorilla Suit Day
Inspire Your Heart with Art Day
©2019 Phil M Robinson & jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk